lordendsavior

THIS SLAPS SO HARD LOL

ainatirb-j

So hard it slaps.

thesunsword

Hope y’all donate a couple $

goldnpoc

Bitch I’m fucking dead!

diosabine

Sheeeeshhhh

sobeitjay2

Oooo shit

mr-freak5

@dolly1129

queen-nympho69

Lmao they did that

Profanity is Bullshit

Words are there for the express purpose of allowing us to articulate our experience. To classify some words as inappropriate is just sheer stupidity. Words themselves are classless. One word in of itself carries no more weight than any other word in our canon.

What in English we deem as explicit when considered in a greater context has its roots in religious oppression. Centuries of shaming humanity for being human. There is nothing more sacred than being human. What is more sacred than living, loving and totally fucking up?

When I look at religion I see what is tantamount to a huge risk mitigation machine. The entire structure of all religions is to reduce the risk that is associated with living. Thats cool. In principle boundaries do help us. I’m not a proponent of organizing boundaries into structured institutions but that’s me.

The words that have been classified as profane give us linguistic shortcuts in bridging emotion and context. Why say ten words what you can say with one emphatically? Is the clinical term for genitalia really any better than the non-clinical term? If so why? To carry this argument a little further. Do you say canis lupus familiaris or do you say “dog”?

Words are words. Let the situation and intent behind their use determine if the situation requires censure.

Deep House

Let’s peel away

After a quick flashback to the food scene from 9 1/2 weeks I definitely could see this eating oranges in the shower being a thing.

Eating Oranges in the Shower Is the Self-Care You Didn’t Know You Needed

The origin of the online shower orange movement can be traced back to a Reddit thread from 2016.

https://munchies.vice.com/en_us/article/qkngzv/eating-oranges-in-the-shower-is-the-self-care-you-didnt-know-you-needed

This explains the lost mojo

Witches Allegedly Stole Penises and Kept Them as Pets in the Middle Ages

According to a 15th century guide to detecting and eradicating witchcraft, witches were capable of making penises vanish—and some even kep

https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/mbqjap/witches-allegedly-stole-penises-and-kept-them-as-pets-in-the-middle-ages

forever-afk

oh my god

daimaouffxiv

Okay, this is awesome.

kat2107

whatever you are expecting, this is not it!

ms-mazarin

Words to replace said, except this actually helps

I got pretty fed up with looking for words to replace said because they weren’t sorted in a way I could easily use/find them for the right time. So I did some myself.

IN RESPONSE TO
Acknowledged
Answered
Protested

INPUT/JOIN CONVERSATION/ASK
Added
Implored
Inquired
Insisted
Proposed
Queried
Questioned
Recommended
Testified

GUILTY/RELUCTANCE/SORRY
Admitted
Apologized
Conceded
Confessed
Professed

FOR SOMEONE ELSE
Advised
Criticized
Suggested

JUST CHECKING
Affirmed
Agreed
Alleged
Confirmed

LOUD
Announced
Chanted
Crowed

LEWD/CUTE/SECRET SPY FEEL
Appealed
Disclosed
Moaned

ANGRY FUCK OFF MATE WANNA FIGHT
Argued
Barked
Challenged
Cursed
Fumed
Growled
Hissed
Roared
Swore

SMARTASS
Articulated
Asserted
Assured
Avowed
Claimed
Commanded
Cross-examined
Demanded
Digressed
Directed
Foretold
Instructed
Interrupted
Predicted
Proclaimed
Quoted
Theorized

ASSHOLE
Bellowed
Boasted
Bragged

NERVOUS TRAINWRECK
Babbled
Bawled
Mumbled
Sputtered
Stammered
Stuttered

SUAVE MOTHERFUCKER
Bargained
Divulged
Disclosed
Exhorted

FIRST OFF
Began

LASTLY
Concluded
Concurred

WEAK PUSY
Begged
Blurted
Complained
Cried
Faltered
Fretted

HAPPY/LOL
Cajoled
Exclaimed
Gushed
Jested
Joked
Laughed

WEIRDLY HAPPY/EXCITED
Extolled
Jabbered
Raved

BRUH, CHILL
Cautioned
Warned

ACTUALLY, YOU’RE WRONG
Chided
Contended
Corrected
Countered
Debated
Elaborated
Objected
Ranted
Retorted

CHILL SAVAGE
Commented
Continued
Observed
Surmised

LISTEN BUDDY
Enunciated
Explained
Elaborated
Hinted
Implied
Lectured
Reiterated
Recited
Reminded
Stressed

BRUH I NEED U AND U NEED ME
Confided
Offered
Urged

FINE
Consented
Decided

TOO EMO FULL OF EMOTIONS
Croaked
Lamented
Pledged
Sobbed
Sympathized
Wailed
Whimpered

JUST SAYING
Declared
Decreed
Mentioned
Noted
Pointed out
Postulated
Speculated
Stated
Told
Vouched

WASN’T ME
Denied
Lied

EVIL SMARTASS
Dictated
Equivocated
Ordered
Reprimanded
Threatened

BORED
Droned
Sighed

SHHHH IT’S QUIET TIME
Echoed
Mumbled
Murmured
Muttered
Uttered
Whispered

DRAMA QUEEN
Exaggerated
Panted
Pleaded
Prayed
Preached

OH SHIT
Gasped
Marveled
Screamed
Screeched
Shouted
Shrieked
Yelped
Yelled

ANNOYED
Grumbled
Grunted
Jeered
Quipped
Scolded
Snapped
Snarled
Sneered

ANNOYING
Nagged

I DON’T REALLY CARE BUT WHATEVER
Guessed
Ventured

I’M DRUNK OR JUST BEING WEIRDLY EXPRESSIVE FOR A POINT/SARCASM
Hooted
Howled
Yowled

I WONDER
Pondered
Voiced
Wondered

OH, YEAH, WHOOPS
Recalled
Recited
Remembered

SURPRISE BITCH
Revealed

IT SEEMS FAKE BUT OKAY/HA ACTUALLY FUNNY BUT I DON’T WANT TO LAUGH OUT LOUD
Scoffed
Snickered
Snorted

BITCHY
Tattled
Taunted
Teased

imagines–assemble

reblog to save a writer 

whispersandwhiskerburn

Reblog because the titles for each category are comedy gold.

This is perfect.

Clash

Chill shudder rolls Fear and anger dance Violent summer storms arise

Water and Wave

To live peacefully with your emotions, don’t worry about what you are based on what you feel. You can’t stop feeling happy and sad, but you can stop hoping and fearing that each emotion will last forever.

You are a platform for emotions, an observer of emotions and emotions themselves. If you were a lake and your emotions were waves, no matter how wild your waves get, beneath the surface you are still a calm lake. The surface of the lake responds to the weather. Waves come up when the wind blows and abate when it stops. When the waves agitate the surface, the heart of the lake is at peace. When the wind stops, the lake clearly reflects the stars and the moon.

When you feel your life agitated with emotion, check the wind. Notice your breath and remember the calm at the heart of the lake. See what the waves are doing on the surface. See how your thoughts are the wind. When the wind stops, the waves abate. Don’t worry about what you are. You are the water, the wind and the waves. 

Any salad is a Caesar salad if you stab it enough times

Be You, Tea Full

The scholar and the Zen Master sat down to have some tea.

The scholar called the master out, “What can you teach me?”

The master offered up a cup and he began to pour.

When the cup was full of tea, the master poured some more.

Tea spilled out upon the floor, the scholar yelled “Hey stop!”

“The cup is overflowing, you’ve filled it past the top.”

The master called the scholar out, “How can I teach you?”

“Like this cup is full of tea, you are too full too.”

The master makes a mirror of the mind with his mess,

Using overflowing tea to evoke emptiness.

If you find that in your mind there is an awful lot

And you wish that things would be, somehow, how they are not;

If you think you could be more, or should be something better,

Then pour away, masterfully, and watch the floor get wetter.

If you can see, essentially, what it is that’s you,

You will see beautifully. Be you, tea full, and true.

Circumstances

When a train pulls into a station it doesn’t become that station.

It merely stops there for a while before moving on.

Whatever the circumstances in your life, never forget what they are: circumstances.

The train will move on.

Fuck the Journey Just Go

Every god damn competition reality show is has these damn contestants yapping away about the journey that has culminated with their appearance on some bullshit meaningless show. I'm sick of it. The journey has become cliche, trite and banal. Everyone one of us moves through life and experiences success, trials, and disappointment along the way. That truly is the nature of life. I applaud the folks that come away from a particularly trying or arduous ordeal and are stronger for it. However we must realize that we cannot equate the routine of life with some sort of profound journey. It's life. Your experience is not unique. Someone else has already been there done that and has the tee-shirt.

The journey is the default. How far you go is entirely up to you. Be happy that you are and recognize that things are as they have come to be.

Give of Your Time

I find the expression, "give of your time" rather odd in a Seinfeld-ish way. Perhaps he's done a bit on it. When you think about it when we are asked to give time it's with the expectation that we will also provide labor. It's not as though we can literally give someone minutes and while they utilize those minutes we enter a state of dormancy and emerge when the allotted time has been consumed.

Wouldn't that be great! Well I'll give you an hour but don't expect me to be there. You'll have to provide the labor. It be funny though to see some poor guy who's friends have all given time but no labor. Ha! What an odd world that would be.

Rule of Thumb #2

Son you will never please everyone. You will have detractors, folks that will attempt to take advantage of you and those that will just not like you for seemingly irrational reasons. How should you handle them? Fuck'em! Literally, metaphorically, or by proxy. Don't invest time and effort in trying to win them over unless it serves your greater good. Be true to yourself. Follow your ideals and principles. Pursue honor and virtue with the same vigor that you pursue a nice piece of ass.