“Am I dreaming …”

Kleeia ❅ 25 ❅ Bi ❅ Billy Lover and Eddie Enthusiast ❅ 18+ only ❅ Masterlist

Last update
2022-06-26 01:36:15

    Groupie Love

    Chapter Two Show off

    My blog is 18+ only. Minors DNI. Don’t repost my work anywhere.

    Series Masterlist

    Series Summary: Your best friend’s band has been taking off, ever since you’ve both started uni. But when you come back from a semester abroad, you find yourself confronted with both: Your lingering feelings for your best friend Eddie, and unexpected ones for their new drummer, Billy; someone you also have quite the past with…

    Words: 7.1k

    Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader, Billy Hargrove x Fem!Reader

    Chapter Summary: The concert is a complete success, yet you find yourself mulling over the sudden appearance of Billy. But when you finally take the courage to confront him with some unanswered questions of your past, things don't turn out too great.

    Chapter Warnings: Rising tensions! More secret mutual pining and some angst. The usual swearing and teasing. Very, very brief mentions of Billy's past trauma. Mentions of drinking. Some confused and hurt feelings. Slightly suggestive stuff and a first, thorough misunderstanding!

    A/N: Things are slowly picking up on the drama scale this time around!

    Previous Chapter

    “Wait, so let me get this straight. You’re telling me that you used to be friends with Billy, like, way back during kinder garden?!” 

    Nancy’s leaning in close to you, as she asks this, trying to get her voice heard over the blaring sound of music. 

    It’s barely working. 

    Still, you find yourself nodding. It’s not surprising that this new revelation has all of your friends thoroughly confused. 

    Hell, the events of tonight have you completely confused as well, if you’re honest.

    The look of disbelief on Nancy’s face is certainly clear, and you don’t blame her.

    She just showed up half an hour ago, when the concert had already started, and as soon as she managed to make her way to your usual seats, pushing through the seemingly endless sea of dancing bodies and limbs, she found herself immediately bombarded with the news from Heather, leaving Nancy to think that it was some kind of joke at first. 

    But it wasn’t. 

    And it still isn’t, even if it somehow feels like that for you too. 

    The situation is beyond surreal, you think. So surreal, in fact, that even though you keep going back to that first moment earlier with Billy, over and over again, it still doesn’t feel anything less like a fucking fever dream. 

    “Okay, but when you say friends, how much friends are we talking about exactly?” Heather suddenly quips up, as she plops herself down unceremoniously onto Nancy’s lap.

    She’s just come back from the dance floor, and she looks like it, too; Skin glowing with a light sheen of sweat and hair messy.

    Knowing her, she won’t be sticking around on the sidelines for long, anyway. But for a moment she’s decided to join you, Nancy, and Chrissy, in the little booth you’re currently occupying, that also happens to have the perfect view of the stage. And you can’t help but smile at the sight of your friends, that are currently rocking away completely, before Chrissy gently nudges your foot from underneath the table. 

    Right. There’s been a question.

    “We were quite close actually,” you admit, as your fingers trace the rough furrows and cuts on the wooden table in front of you absentmindedly.

    You watch Nancy huff more than you hear it, before she states, “The two of you as childhood friends seem like the oddest match of the century, though, like he’s such brute force and-“

    “He wasn’t like that then,” You find yourself stating quickly, and rather defensively, without really meaning to.

    You don’t know why you feel somewhat protective of Billy; or at least the Billy you once knew, but he wasn’t a mere force of brute back then, and you doubt he is now.

    At least you hope that his father’s taunting didn’t manage to turn him completely into something like that.

    He only started to really act out like that once his mother left, you think, but you can’t tell them that. You had promised to keep it all a secret back then, and a vow like that doesn’t expire.

    You don’t know what Billy’s like now, or how close he’s exactly gotten with your group of friends over the last few months, but you doubt that his childhood trauma is something he’s parading around on a banner.

    No, if anything, he probably keeps it hidden in the deep depths of his heart, protected by all the anger, and hurt, and the broadness of his now very muscular chest.

    You wonder how much of that’s Billy and how much of that’s owed to his dad.

    Because there’s no denying that Billy must be quite adamant about working out. His strong physic is almost intimidating;  but whether it’s founded in a mere personal aesthetically choice and preference, or as a way to protect himself from his father’s wrath, is something you don’t really want to think about. 

    You feel yourself getting choked up even at the thought.

    God, you hope his dad started to do better at some point, because the idea of Billy having to deal with that throughout all of his time growing up makes you feel so utterly sick, you almost feel like throwing up.

    “Hey, are you alright?” It’s Nancy’s voice that pulls you back from your thoughts, though all of your friends are looking at you rather concerned now.

    You must be wearing your discomfort blatantly on your face, you think. 

    “Yeah,” you mumble embarrassed, you didn’t really mean to drift off like that. 

    “It must be weird seeing him here again like this, after all this time.” Chrissy observes gently, and you simply nod your head. 

    “Yeah, you could say that.”

    “When was the last time you saw him exactly?”

    This time it’s Jonathan asking the question, and you must have been so deeply lost in your thoughts earlier that you didn’t even notice him sliding into the seat next to Chrissy.

    Camera still around his neck.


    “The day we left for Indiana was the last time I saw him. I must have been around 10 by then? He came around my house to say goodbye and I was crying like a mad person.”

    We both were, you think, but that’s another thing you don’t really feel like sharing. If Billy’s anything like he was back then, he hates showing vulnerability.

    And knowing your friends, while not knowing how close Billy is with them, exactly, makes you want to be careful about giving them anything that they could potentially consider tease-worthy material, without being aware about the fragility of the whole situation.

    Even though you know it would all be meant in fun and good spirits, you’re not sure Billy would feel the same way about it; and so, you’ll keep those details closely to your chest for now, too. 

    “I remember watching him, gaze blurry from all the tears, waving like a million little waves until his frame got so small and distant, and then I continues to cry all the way to Indiana.”

    “Geez,” Heather states, “You must have liked him a lot.”

    “He was my best friend.”

    You don’t mean for your voice to sound as emotional as it does, but you can’t really help it; the memories still feel incredibly tender and raw.

    Like a bruise.

    You shiver at the thought.

    “And so? What happened then? Why didn’t you stay in contact with him afterwards if you’ve been that close previously?”

    This time it is your time to scoff.


    Glancing over to the man in question, who’s occupying the back of the stage, currently drumming away passionately, you ask yourself the same question.

    But that something only Billy can answer, you think, with a bitter discomfort rising in the tight confines of your chest. 

    “Well, it wasn’t for a lack of trying on my part,” you state, voice tuning from vulnerable to somewhat icy. 

    “I wrote him like a million letters, and he never even replied to a single one.”

    “Oh no!” Heather gasps, and you can tell that she’s slightly tipsy now, having nipped from Nancy’s cosmopolitan one too many times; but her little overactive reactions are quite endearing. 

    “Yeah, but that’s whatever.”

    Except it really isn’t, you realize while you force the nonchalant words to leave your lips, because if it was, it wouldn’t sting as much at the mere thought of it all. 

    But it does, and you hate it.

    Get over yourself, you think. 

    But that kind of resentment isn’t swallowed down half as easily as the virgin margarita you’re still sipping from. 

    “Did he ever tell you why?” Nancy asks, earning her a confused look from everyone around the table.


    Chrissy draws out her name playfully, after a short moment of silence, waiting for her to catch on. 

    But she doesn’t.

    “How would he tell hewhy, if the last time they saw and spoke each other was back in California; and he hasn’t really communicated with her since…?”

    “Oh, right.” 

    The penny finally drops for your brunette friend, too. 

    “What’s going on Nance? You’re not normally the last one to catch up.” Chrissy teases.

    “Well, excuse me, but it’s been a long day.” Nancy states, feigning offense, “And I feel like that last lecture really fried my remaining brain cells into oblivion.”

    “At least you have brain cells left to fry. I think I started running out of them like months ago.” You silently groan at the thought of your academic endeavors. 

    “Oh shush!” Chrissy scolds but the little smile on your face, let’s her know that it’s not actually that bad. 

    Not yet maybe.

    Oh, it’s my favorite song!” Heather suddenly chimes up, brown eyes big and bright. 

    “Come on Nance! I need a dancing partner for this one.”

    Nancy groans, though only halfhearted. 

    “Please.” Heather’s wearing her best pout now, and it’s hard to resist that one, even for Nancy. 

    You and Chrissy watch their interaction with soft eyes, as Heather flings her arms dramatically around Nancy’s neck. 

    “Please! Oh please, beloved Nancy! I cannot be left dancing on my own. It simply won’t do.”

    “Fine,” Nancy huffs, trying to sound annoyed, but the look on her face is loving.

    “What about you guys?” She questions, eyes fixing both you and Chrissy. 

    “Jonathan I’m not even going to ask.” She adds teasingly. 

    “Yeah, I’m not drunk enough for that yet.” 

    “Keep at it then, I want to dance with you at least once tonight.” She states, and it the laugh that leaves Jonathan’s lips is earnest.

    “I’ll do my best!”

    “I know you will.” She whispers softly, and you can’t help but think that the two of them are still quite cute together, despite some of their past ups and downs. 

    “What about you?” Chrissy repeats Nancy’s previous questions to you once more, and on any other night you would find your way to the dance floor eventually; Especially if it’s your friends who are responsible for the music, but not tonight. There’s a heaviness still swirling around in your chest that makes you want to sit this one out. 

    “Yeah, I’m good.”

    “Do you want some more company then?” 

    “I think Jonathan will do just fine.” 

    “You sure you don’t want me to-“

    “Chrissy, I’m okay! You can join the others on their dance floor escapades, I’ll be fine, I promise.”

    “Okay.” Chrissy doesn’t sound quite convinced, but she’s going to take your word for it. 

    You watch with fond eyes how your friends slip out of the booth; Heather dragging both Nancy and Chrissy by their arms excitedly. She certainly can be a force to recon with, but it’s one of the many things you love about her. 

    You find your eyes transfixed onto the stage once more. You have to admit that your friends playing has improved since your absence; something you actually deemed impossible, because they’ve always been the very definition of amazing. 

    Eddie’s guitar skills are still absolutely mesmerizing; and though your judgment might be slightly clouded, or partial, you’re sure everyone in the room feels the same way. 

    Then there’s Robin bopping around with her bass, and Steve, of course ,with his haunting lead vocals. 

    And, well, then there’s Billy on the drums. You have to admit that Eddie wasn’t lying when he said that his skills are worlds away from their previous drummer. 

    Billy’s rhythms seem both effortless yet intense, and under different circumstances they’d have you dancing all on their own.

    But not tonight. 

    He certainly takes up space like he owns it, though, skin sweaty and curls wild, his shirt almost buttoned down completely, and you wonder why he’s wearing it in the first place, but whatever. 

    Stop thinking about him, you tell yourself, eyes wandering back towards Eddie instead. 

    He looks stunning as well, yet you guess he always does.

    It’s a bit unfair, really.

    And as you continue to watch him and everyone else perform, there’s a proudness rising up in your chest that’s flooding your veins with every steady heartbeat. 

    It’s a proudness that’s extended to all of your friends, who’re currently performing; but you’d be lying if you said that there wasn’t a bit more to it when it comes to Eddie.

    Maybe it’s because you’ve seen him play around on his guitar ever since you can remember; and he’s always been incredibly passionate about everything he does. It’s the same with his D&D club and his love for metal music. 

    Whatever he touches, he touches with a heart full of love and commitment. You know he would brush that assessment aside with a vibrant blush adorning his cheeks, probably pointing to his school misfortunes to state and prove otherwise; but that doesn’t quite count, since that’s never been something he particularly cared about. 

    But the things he does care about?

    Well, he caresa lot about those. 

    Unbeknownst to you, Jonathan watches you with gentle eyes, as your gaze lingers on Eddie.

    It’s so obvious to everyone, him included, that you’re head over heels for the guitarist; almost as much as he clearly is for you, yet you’re both too stubborn to make any sort of move.

    At this point, Jonathan isn’t sure what it’s going to take, for you and Eddie to finally get together and admit your goddamn feelings. But even his usual patience is slowly running thin, as you and Eddie keep dancing around each other like that; Longing and pining and entirely in love with the other.

    But then again, considering what it took for Nancy and him to get together, he might not really have a leg to stand on. Oh, well.

    He watches the way your face changes its expression, as your gaze wanders back over to Billy.

    There’s something else behind your eyes now; a pain, a hurt, an anger, something unspoken, that must be lingering between you two in secret, because Jonathan’s sure he’s seen it reflected in Billy’s eyes earlier, too.

    He wonders what it is that you aren’t telling him and the rest of your friends. Because there has to be something if you’re shooting ambiguous daggers at the drummer like that. 

    “Can I ask you a question?” Jonathan finally speaks what’s been swirling around in his mind for the last fifteen minutes or so, ‘cause there are just some things that don’t really add up for him. 

    “Uh, sure.” You break your lingering gaze away from the stage, focusing it instead on Jo. 

    “So, what I don’t quite understand is, and maybe you don’t have the answers to this either, but if you moved to Hawkins from California, like years and years ago; And Billy moved here a few years ago, too, why did he never mention you, or look for you, or asked around for you?

    I mean, I know a lot of time has passed since you two had last seen one another, but if my childhood best friend would move away, and, what, ten years later I move to theexact same place, I would definitely try to find them again, you know? I’d probably think of them, each time someone merely mentions their name, and believe you me, when I say this, but your name has been mentioned countless of times while you were gone, and even back during high school-“ 

    “Well, I guess it’s not that simple.” 

    “What isn’t?”

    Jonathan’s questioning eyes fix yours, though they’re not accusatory, just curious. 

    “He didn’t know.” 


    “Billy didn’t know that I moved to Hawkins, at least initially he didn’t.”

    Gazing down at your hands, as your fingers keep fidgeting with one of your delicate rings.

    “What? But how did he not know? And how would you expect letters from him if-“

    “No, you don’t understand, Jo.” You state, voice a bit more urgent,

    “When I first moved to Indiana, my family was supposed to move to some suburb at the outskirts of Indianapolis. We had a house already prepared and waiting, and that address was the only one Billy knew.

    But we barely spend two or three nights there, when my mom got transferred to Hawkins instead. It was a whole mess, because our number changed, and the address, obviously, and I told Billy all of that in the first few letters but-“

    The break of your voice is small, and a part of you hopes that Jonathan didn’t catch it, as you quickly continue, “I don’t know if he ever even opened any of them, because some of them would start to come back and-” 

    Jonathandid catch the little break in your voice, just as he notices the way your eyes are getting slightly glossy, as you stare down stubbornly at the table in front of you.

    He’s scooting out of his current seat quickly, before getting up and sliding into your seat of the booth instead.

    “Hey,” he whispers carefully, gently cupping your cheek and guiding your gaze towards his, while his other hand is rubbing the side of your arm in a comforting manner. 

    “It’s okay if you’re upset. You’re allowed to be upset, actually. I think I would be too, in that kind of a situation.” 

    “Yeah, well, it’s been like over ten years, so who cares.” 

    “You do.” Jonathan observes gently, voice sincere. “It’s obvious that you still care about this, and I understand why. You’ve never really gotten any closure, have you? And I think it’s natural for all of those thoughts and feelings to come rushing back, now that you’re faced with that past friend, you clearly cared a lot about.” 

    There’s a small sniffle on your part, and Jo instantly pulls you into a hug. 

    This is so not how you imagined your night to go. 

    “I think you should just talk to him,” Jonathan mumbles softly against your shoulder, but you gently shake your head. 

    Oh, absolutely not.

    “I don’t think getting to hear him say that he simply didn’t want me in his life anymore is going to make it hurt any less.” 

    “Okay, I get that, but maybe you’ve got it all a bit wrong, hm?” He offers. 

    You must have, Jonathan can’t help but think.

    Why else would Billy sport the same disheartened and hurt look, each time his blue eyes dart over to you, which they do surprisinglyoften.

    There must be some misunderstanding mixed somewhere in between the two of you.

    You’re quiet for a little while longer, as you simply enjoy the feeling of Jonathan’s gentle comfort, before he states, voice a bit more playful now, “You don’t think there’s a way I can convince you to join me on the dance floor for a bit, is there?” 

    Your head quips up at that, eyes wide in surprise. 

    “But Jo, you’re not even that drunk yet-“ 

    “I know, but sometimes you can make an exception to the rule, and I’m pretty sure there’s a few more songs coming up, that I think you adore dearly.”

    Holding his hand out to you, you can’t quite help yourself but take it.

    You know that it must take your friend quite the effort to actually make his way through the sea of dancing bodies without a certain level of liquid courage pumping through his veins; and it makes his offer even more meaningful.

    He’s not offering it because he feels like it. He’s offering it simply and solely because he knows it might get your mind off things, and help to cheer you up a bit; and that alone makes it worth it to him. 

    So, of course, you take Jonathan up on his offer, a small laugh leaving your lips as you watch him stumble through the crowds, throwing little‘excuse me’s left and right, but his hand never leaving yours. 

    The dancingdoes help.

    You’re quickly spotted by the rest of your friends, and they make their way over to Jo and you with excited cheers. 

    “Miracles still happen, don’t they?” Heather jokes at the unsuspected sight of you two, pretending to brush fake tears away, and you playfully slap her arm. 

    “Oh, shut it!”

    But there’s no real bite to your words, and by the time Chrissy has her arms wrapped tightly around you, swaying you both from side to side, Billy’s hardly on your mind anymore. 

    “Isn’t it electrifying?” Chrissy yells over the music, directly into your ear. 

    It is, almost as much as it is deafening, you think, but you’re not complaining.

    Your friends’ band had been quite popular among a lot of the students, even before your trip to Europe, but their popularity has only been growing in your absence, apparently, because this time there’s a substantial part of the crowd singing and clapping along to most of the songs, and the proud feeling in your chest is back; or maybe it never really left at all, as you watch the sea of people around you sway and dance along to the music, clearly enjoying themselves, and the band. 

    Your eyes drift back to the stage, and for a moment you think you catch Eddie’s gaze.

    Though, you can’t be entirely sure; there’s just so many people around, but you still find yourself smiling brightly at him.

    He looks completely at home on that adrenaline-filled stage, and you wonder what it must be like, playing live to a crowd like that and getting that kind of a reception and excited feedback. It’s well deserved, though. 

    Very well deserved. 

    “You know, I think I’m speaking for the whole group when I say that whatever you and Eddie have going on, really needs some kind of upgrade.” Chrissy suddenly states.

    “No, because there’s no such thing as an upgrade to this.”

    You’re adamant, but Chrissy still shakes her head with a sigh.

    “I really don’t know how you two manage to be the only people completely blind and in denial about this…”  

    “Can we stop talking about Eddie?”

    “Can you stop longing for him from afar?”

    “Well, I can’t long for him when he’s right here next to me, can I now?”

    “Huh, that’s news to me. I wasn’t really under the impression that that has stopped you from it previously.” 

    “Oh, you bitch! I do not!” You exclaim with a hearty laugh, as you try to poke Chrissy’s sides playfully.

    “Yes you do, you long for him all the time.” 

    You try your best at giving your friend a convincing death glare.

    It’s hardly working.

    “And the worst part is that he does the same goddamn thing! It’s infuriating, really, having to watch you both be head over heels for each other like that, without any progress in sight.” Chrissy continues, but as usual, you brush her off.

    “Enough talking about Eddie!” You state once more. “There are still some songs to go, and my feet don’t quite hurt from all the dancing yet.” 

    Out of the corner of your eye, you think you see Billy gaze your way, but he’s probably just checking out the crowd in general.

    Your friends have already hinted at the fact that he’s got quite the reputation for taking people home, and enjoying his increasingly growing popularity and the benefits that arise from that. 


    Your mind has mulled over enough about these two boys for the night, you think. It’s time to let the music take over and enjoy yourself and the carefree company of your friends for the rest of the amazing concert. 

    By the time the gig comes to an end, your body feels thoroughly exhausted.

    Still, you’re eager to find Eddie because, as a supportive friend, you simply have to congratulate himand the rest of your friends, of course, for the absolutely stunning and captivating show and performance.

    They really managed to out-do themselves this time, and it’s not a night you’ll forget that easily. In fact, you’re quite sure that this night is one that a lot of people will keep remembering fondly, and with vivid memories of a truly amazing and talented band in mind.

    “Robin!” You squeal because she’s the first person you manage to spot in the dungy hallway, backstage.

    She barely manages to put her bass down before you’re already encompassing her in a big hug.

    “You were amazing!”

    “You think so?”

    “Uh, did you witness the energy of that room earlier? They just wouldn’t stop cheering! This might have been the best performance I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot of those from you so-“

    “You praise us too much.” Eddie states with a gentle laugh from behind Robin, as he makes his way over to you, too, smile bright on his face.

    He’s sweaty and glowing, and it’s a sight you’ll never get used to, despite having seen it like almost a million times by now. His hair is disheveled; the bandana he previously wore around his head is now tied loosely around his neck, which looks endearingly cute, and he’s still a little bit out of breath; but you try not to notice how his pale and slightly exposed chest keeps heaving up and down quickly.

    No, you don’t try to notice that at all. 

    Focus on his eyes instead.

    Focus on his eyes.

    HIS EYES!!

    Geez, what is wrong with you? 

    “So, you liked our little performance?” Eddie pulls you out of your very modest and totally appropriate thoughts.

    “Wait, so now you want the praises?” You tease, hoping you don’t look as flustered as you feel.

    “I never said I don’t like them, just that you praise us a lot.”

    “Well, it’s well deserved, so I’m not stopping anytime soon.”

    Eddie pulls you to his chest quickly at that, before he whispers, “I’m counting on it,” softly against the shell of your ear, and you can’t help the small shiver that takes over your body. 

    Good god, you know he usually gets a bit more daring after his concerts, still riding the waves of that adrenaline high. But there’s something about the grip on your waist, and the way his lips keep lingering so closely to the skin of your neck, that has your mind spinning around itself completely. 

    You’re reading too much into this, you think. 

    Stop reading so much into this, you remind yourself. 

    “Heya!” Steve exclaims, as he jumps up from somewhere behind you. “We’re getting some celebratory drinks at the bar, are you two coming or what?” 

    “Yeah, yeah, give us a minute, alright?” Eddie calls over your shoulder, and Steve nods. 

    “Okay, just don’t taketoo long, with whatever it is you two are doing, though.”

    With your back turned towards Steve, you don’t witness the suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows. But his implications are still obviously clear in the tone of voice, and it has both you and Eddie groaning internally. 

    With his hands still closely wrapped around your sides, Eddie scoots you both more to the edge of the hallway, near the open doorway of some storage room.

    Whether in an attempt for a little more privacy, or as not to stand blatantly in the way of in- and outcoming staff, is not something your mind tries to linger on. 

    “So, what do you think, really?” Eddie whispers, and you look at him a little dumbfounded.

    “What do you mean, really?” You question, “Do you think I’ve been lying, Munson? I already told you, you’ve been absolutely incredible! You were all completely breathtaking up there, and I’ve never seen a crowd that excited, and-“

    You’re about to continue gushing, when Eddie gently interrupts you.

    “Yes, but did you have good time?” 


    You watch as Eddie bites his lower lip nervously, his eyes searching your face forsomething, but you simply do not know for what. 

    “I saw you, with Jonathan.” He finally mumbles, concern tainting his voice. 

    “You looked upset and I-“ 

    “You saw that?” 

    “You’re hard to miss in any crowd.” 

    You don’t want to dwell on whatever that might mean. 

    “So, were you upset? Because that’s what it looked like but with the distance I wasn’t sure and-“ 

    For some reason, your throat feels unusually dry all of a sudden. 

    Billy,you think.

    He doesn’t really know about Billy; at least when it comes to the finer details, he doesn’t, and somehow you’re also not all too eager to tell him about it.

    You’re sure he has some questions, though, all of your friends had them.

    But with the busyness of the upcoming concert earlier, Steve and Eddie and Robin had to put theirs on the backburner, and now, with the excitement and adrenaline of the successful concert still pumping through their veins, you’re sure that’s the last thing they’re currently thinking about anyway-

    “Has this something to do with Billy?” Eddie’s soft voice pulls you back from the depths of your mind. 

    God damn it!

    You try to search your brain for words.

    Words that don’t come out as a lie, but that also don’t quite state the truth either.

    This isn’t something you want to talk about right now. Granted, it’s not something you’d want to talk about at all, really. But right now, is like the worst possible timing, and so you feel justified in bending the truth just a little bit.

    “It’s nothing Eds, don’t worry about it! I’m alright now anyways, everything was just a bit much earlier, but I’m okay, really.” 

    Hah! That’s not quite a lie, now, is it? 

    Still, Eddie looks slightly unconvinced.

    He simply knows you too well, you mull. 

    But you also know him quite well, and so it’s easy for you to steer the topic back lightly to the concert and the excitement surrounding it.

    You’re relieved when you watch the way Eddie’s eyes light up, drowning out his previous concern, and as usual, the smile on his face is contagious, as you watch him swoon over his latest experiences on stage.

    Billy feels exhausted.

    He wants to say it’s just the usual aftermath of his drumming, but he knows that’s not quite right. It’s more of an emotional exhaustion that’s been spreading all over his body throughout the night; growing with every glance he managed to throw your way unnoticed. 

    Why,he keeps thinking, why would he have to see you again like this? 

    Whywould he have to see you again at all?

    He knows he hasn’t been the best person in the world, and he’s far from being god’s favorite, that’s for sure, but being faced with you, out of all people, that’s certainly a tough fate.

    It’s quite cruel, really, considering the way you left and never spoke to him again. Never responded to any of his letters that he was stupid enough to write, over and over again, for way too long.

    And the most infuriating thing is, that you don’t even seem slightly ashamed or remorseful.

    You were surprised by his sudden appearance, a bit taken aback, maybe, too. But there wasn’t even an ounce of an apology in the wide-eyed gaze you’d given him. No sorrow, no excuses, no nothing – other than sheer surprise.

    It's like you don’t even remember what you did. How you’ve broken all your stupid promises, and instead abandoned him just like his mother.

    Something you’d swear you wouldn’t do.

    It stings.

    It really, really stings.

    And he’s not sure what’s worse, the possibility that you either don’t care anymore or that you don’t remember it at all.

    It hurts all the same, though. 

    And,fuck, does it hurt. 

    But while he was drumming away earlier, he managed to free his body of some of the hurt swirling around in his chest, and freeing parts of his mind from the resentment that lingers in his body so deeply, it might have grown one with his bones over the years, ever since you left. 

    And while he’s been drumming away, he’s come up with a resolution.

    A resolution he absolutely hates.

    A resolution he completely despises.

    But one that he knows is inevitably the only right thing to do. 

    He needs to talk to you. 

    Even if he really wished he didn’t. 

    It’s why he finds himself still pacing around in the backstage wardrobe room, trying to convince himself that knowing why you left and never wrote back, never responded, never reached out, cannot be any more painful than the reasons already dominating his mind and heart. 

    It cannot get any worse.

    You won’t be able to tell him anything he hasn’t told himself over the past few years anyway. 

    He just needs to hear it from you, once and for all, and draw a final closure line. 

    The drum stick he’s been twirling around in his dominant hand, absentmindedly, finally comes to a stop, as he faces himself in the dusty mirror.

    He looks less like a mess than he feels, so that’s nice. Though, he’s not sure you’d care. 

    Just get it over with, he tells himself.

    Just get itfucking over with, get some closure, and move on. 

    If moving on was that easy, though, he would have done that years ago, he thinks, with a bitter laugh stuck in his throat. 

    But it cannot get worse than it already is. 

    Oh,how wrong he was going to be.

    Billy steps out of the backstage room and into the sparsely lit hallway with as much determination as he can muster.

    There’s faint laughter coming from down the hall, but he doesn’t really care, he just needs to find you. 

    He just needs to find you and get it over with. 

    Find you, and get it over with. 

    He’s almost made it through the hallway completely, when he hears the laughter again, and this time it’s a lot louder and clearer. 

    It’s you. 

    He’ll recognize that sound anywhere, even if it’s been stripped of some of those childlike high notes, that used to stain your voice a lot more. 

    It’s still unmistakably and distinctlyou. 

    “Eddie! No! That’s not what I meant at all.” 

    “Well, well, well, I would say the same thing now-“ 

    Oh, god.It’s you and Eddie.

    Your shared voices come from somewhere inside the storage room that Billy’s about to pass. 

    Part of him wants to look, and part of him doesn’t; but once he realizes that the door is still wide open, he cannot tear his eyes away. 

    It’s like a car crash or something, that part of his brain just has to watch, no matter how gruesome the scene might be.

    And,uh, it certainly is gruesome, leaving his heart a bloody mess and a total loss.

    The two of you are standing there, in the middle of the room, curled up in each other’s embrace. Entangled so thoroughly, Billy’s unsure where you start, and Eddie ends.

    The glimpse Billy gets is only brief, yet it burns itself into the depth of his mind and heart, like the memory of you leaving that oneend-of-summer-afternoon when he cried his eyes out on your sidewalk as he watched you drive off until the sight of you, tearstained and waving from the backseat, was only a mere memory, lingering heavy in every part of his body.

    A painful weight he’s been carrying around ever since.

    You’re so lost in each other’s gaze, you don’t even notice Billy as he comes to a brief stop, eyes wide and hurt, before he tries to quickly move on. 

    But moving on has proven itself a rather difficult thing in the past, and it’s not any easier now, either. 

    Billy’s mind is certainly in a cruel mood tonight, as he plays the brief new memory back, over and over again. Lingering on the way you’d beamed up at Eddie lovingly, and the way he playfully brushed his nose against yours. Billy’s sure that if he’d watched any longer, he would have seen you two kiss or something. 

    He knows he doesn’t have a right to feel, well, any kind of resentment, really, in regard to you two.

    You’ve never been anything more than friends anyways, even if he maybe, ever so slightly had the biggest crush on you back during your shared school days.

    But it’s not like he harbors any of those feelings now. No, of course not! That would be utterly pathetic!

    And the fact that his mind goes back to your stupidly pretty eyes, beaming up at Eddie like he invented love himself, has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with- 

    Well, shit.

    Coming up with believable excuses has never been this hard, and Billy can’t help but scoff. 

    But there’s something else swirling around in his chest now. Something akin to the answer he wanted to search you out for in the first place.

    The answer to why you never replied to any of his letters, or occasional phone calls.

    The answer to why you abandoned him, just like everybody else did. 

    It’s because you didn’t need him anymore. 

    After moving to Indiana, you made plenty of new friends. First in Indianapolis, and then, when you’d moved to Hawkins during High School, or something, you made even more amazing friends. 

    Friends like Steve, and Chrissy, and Heather, and Robin. 

    He’s not sure if Eddie still classifies as a ‘friend’, but it’s clear that after moving to Indiana, you also completely moved on from him.

    From Billy. 

    And he can’t quite blame you, he realizes, with a painful pang in his heart, because your new friends didn’t just replace him perfectly.

    No, those friends even provided an upgrade to the utter mess that Billy had always been, even then, when you were still kids. 

    It must have been nice for you, he thinks, that you didn’t have to take care of him anymore. Didn’t have to comfort him or calm him down. Fully free of the mere burden he provided. 

    He would have done the same, he thinks. 

    Your soft voice from way back then still manages to ring in his ears, though. 

    “I’ll never leave, Billy. I’ll always be by your side.”


    He should have learned after the blatant lies of his mother that you didn’t mean a single word you said.

    Broken promises are something he’s grown so accustomed to; he’s been getting quite good at them himself, lately.

    “Yeah, no, I’ll definitely call you again.” 

    “Sure, a second date sounds fun, I’ll pick you up tomorrow by ten.” 

    “Don’t worry, I’ll be here in the morning.” 

    Until he isn’t. 

    But leaving people hurts so much less than being left, he’s noticed, and he’s grown quite the habit, if he’s honest. 

    Stumbling through the rest of the hallway and towards the bar, Billy thinks he knows exactly what he needs now. 

    He needs a distraction, or two. 

    A pretty distraction. 

    And those usually aren’t that hard to come by. 

    Eddie still has you giggling in his embrace, as he sways you softly from side to side.

    You two have been talking non-stop, trying to catch each other up on anything and everything. 

    Anything and everything that isn’t Billy, you think.

    You’re just not in the mood for that. But you’ll tell Eddie about it within the next few days, you quietly promise to yourself. 

    Eddie’s certainly been exceptionally playful with you tonight. Yet it’s not like you’re complaining.

    Far from it, actually.

    You’re enjoying every scrap of affection he carelessly throws your way. 

    Carelessly, because it has to be; because there’s no way he’s being intentional with the way his hand keeps lingers on your waist, his thumb stroking comforting patterns along the silky pattern of your top.

    You know that if you’d start reading into it, you’re going to be disappointed by the inevitable aftermath of it all.

    “You wanna go back and join the rest of our friends?” Eddie mumbles softly, and you can’t help but nod your head.

    They’ll be looking for you soon, anyways, you think.

    And besides, what other options are there? 

    After detangling yourself carefully from Eddie, he’s quick to take your hand, not wanting to let you out of his sight for even a little bit after being apart from you for so long. 

    When you make your way back to the bar, with your fingers intertwined, you ignore the knowing smiles that Chrissy and Robin throw your way, at the sight of the two of you. 

    Robin pats the wooden barstool next to her softly, and you take her up on the invitation, silently hoping that she’ll spare you some of her teasing words for at least the night.

    Especially when Eddie’s still right there beside you.

    You watch him lean over the counter, to talk to the bartender, and you take the moment to let your eyes wander through the space again.

    It’s not quite as busy as it’s been earlier, and you notice that all of your friends are currently seated somewhere around the bar.

    All of your friends, except one. 


    You hate that Jonathan’s words still ring in your ears. 

    “I think you should just talk to him.”  

    But even more so, you hate that he’s right.

    You probably should talk to Billy, even if it’s just to clean some of the tense air that’s been swirling around the two of you.

    Because you doubt you’ll be becoming friends again like you used to be, but maybe being civil acquaintances could be enough. 

    Yeah,you definitely need to talk to Billy, you notice.

    And you need to do it now, before you change your mind once more.

    But where ingood gods name did that guy go?

    The idea that he left early seems absurd to you, and you’re about to lean over to Robin, and ask her about Billy’s whereabouts, when you spot him. 

    Though you really wish you didn’t. 

    Because there he is, sitting in a more secluded spot of the establishment.

    A spot somewhat hidden from view, and for very good reason.

    Because right there, curled up in his lap, are two very pretty women, sucking and nibbling away on his neck, while he has his arms lazily thrown around both of them, only to pull one of them closer again, whispering something in her ear that has her giggling.

    It’s probably something lewd and dirty, you think, thoughts unusually bitter.

    You don’t mean to stare the way you do, just like you don’t mean for your heart to drop six feet under at the mere sight of him like that. 

    And if you thought you felt sick to your stomach before, the feeling only worsens, when you watch him silently groan as he throws his head back in pleasure, eyes closed, just for him to come back up again, moments later, lips still parted.

    And then his eyes find yours in the darkened room. 

    And you feel like you’re going to throw up. 


    And that's it once more! Sorry for another tiny cliff hanger. I initially wanted to finish this chapter at a different point, later in the story, but it's already gotten so long, so I had to stop it here.

    If you've made it this far anyways, thank you!💕I really appreciate it!!!

    I'm actually really enjoying writing this series, and things are definitely going to pick up from here, hehe. So I'll try my best to update this on a weekly basis for now. No hard promises though, because Uni's still kicking my ass. 🙃


    tequila & strawberry lip gloss / robin buckley x fem!reader (featuring bf steve harrington)

    context: listen - steve loves you. he also loves robin. you know what you and robin love? boobies. i fully believe in my heart that bf (boyfriend & best friend) steve harrington would want to see the two ladies he loves getting to have a night of exploration together.

    contents: IMPORTANT & LENGTHY (i’d rather over explain than under)- there are zero sexual or physical interactions between robin and steve. zero. robin is into ladies and that stays true here. this is lady on lady smut. just with bonus steve moments. 

    that being said here are the interactions:

    steve x reader: kissing, dancing/grinding, his assets are mentioned, and he observes the act. some praise thrown in / some teasing energy directed at both but not a focal point.

    robin x reader: whew… it got away from me a little bit. kissing, begging, teacher!robin explaining what she likes, praising, nipple play, biting, fingering & oral (both receiving), a little degrading scissoring, overstimulation.

    this story also includes mentions of drinking, smoking weed, cursing, all that good stuff. 

    author notes: this was a full labor of love and respect. sexualities & exploration is fluid & i just fully believe to my core steve harrington would share. this came purely from my pansexual heart that’s in love with both steve & robin. i have an idea in mind for part two if anyone’s interested

    word count: almost 4.4k

    part two


    You’ve lost track of time since leaving Steve’s house. One minute you’re sharing a way too strong drink with Robin and Steve’s blowing a steady stream of smoke into your mouth.The next thing you know your back is pressed firmly against his chest at Cynthia Prescott’s party while Robin scans the crowd around you. 


    Oh my god! This was EVERYTHING (!!!!!)😵‍💫💕 I didn’t know how much I needed a Robin x Reader x (slight) Steve in my life, but uh, yeah… Turns out I do. I really, really do!! This was just so fucking sweet, and hot, and endearing, and I can’t wait to spoil myself with the next part! 💖 But god, I’m absolutely in love with this!!