dead inside but still horny

Last update
2020-12-01 17:33:14

    A 3 minute video which I call: Jensen Ackles being gaslighted into liking the finale.

    But Ray he was on board with it after, you are just hating the finale!? Okay.. let’s put ourselves in Jensen’s shoes. And i mean really put ourselves in his shoes. He’s given 15 years of his life to this show. 15 years of hard work, dedication and support. He has loved playing this character that now isn’t just a character to him but is also a part of him. And when you’ve been working on something for so long you want it to feel satisfying in the end. You want it to make sense, you want you yourself to be okay with how it ends and how you will be send off. He cares about the fans, he cares what we think, he cares what happens to his character probably more than anyone. He feels a lot and deeply. He’d been given the finale. He has said his thoughts to the writers. And it wasn’t good. He didn’t want this. He wanted something better for Dean. But of course here comes the important part. Everyone else was in on it. Every writer, every producer and Jared. He was in a room full of people who didn’t get him. “Well Jensen not everyone will like it, we cant please everyone.” Now imagine yourself in that situation. How would you feel? I know I’d feel terrible. I’d think: well damn something must be wrong with me then if everyone else is okay with this? And that is exactly how he felt. He was talked into liking it because I mean come on ‘Jensen there is no other choice we are so close to it now why butcher it right at the end, just take it or leave it.’ And of course he couldn’t leave it, so he took it.

    In other words he was clearly not comforable with this ending. He didn’t want it. It felt off to him. He talked to Eric, he talked to Jared, he talked to the writers. And what did they do? Told him to accept it, that it was the right way to go. It was him against everyone else. Please just try to imagine and really think about that before you say he came around it and actually liked the finale in the end.

    Source of the original videos: TVFTROU/Whedonopolis/Entertainment Weekly


    Listen. I stopped watching Supernatural a while back because the writing, the queerbaiting, just didn’t sit right with me. So I stopped. I’ve done my grieving (this was my first fandom, guys! The first one that I devoured the content for, it has such a special PLACE for me!) and I moved on, sad that the show had a lot of potential that the writers weren’t willing to explore. And you know what, sure, I’ll admit I’ve made the jokes, laughed at the memes - and then I went and blacklisted the tags because when the novelty wore off, that familiar anger that the writers had done very poorly by this story and by the actors playing this story was still there. Jensen Ackles is not homophobic. He didn’t even play Dean as homophobic. Some very specific cutting and editing happened, and I am so sad and angry that the fans have been left with this. And I’m absolutely devastated for Jensen and Jared because this is going to be their legacy. How hard do you think they’ll find it to find roles that aren’t a reskin of this? They’ve been doing this for so long, they’re going to be hard-pressed to find directors and producers willing to see them as anything else. I’m just, sad, and tired, and angry, just like I was when I gave up on it the first time. Not at the fans, not at the actors, but entirely and specifically at the writers and directors who didn’t ever stop seeing their queer fans as a joke.

    Jensen said he kept slipping out of character while they were filming the confession scene. Misha wasn’t even able to keep his Cas voice and ended up using his own voice for part of it. Jensen never slips out of character. Even in bloopers you can see that whenever someone else says something funny or makes a mistake, it takes him a moment before he gets out of character and laughs. Misha never really has trouble either unless his costars are messing up with him on purpose. They were both so emotional and excited for what they were doing. They cared so much.

    It must be so hard for Misha to accept that his work on that scene ended up being more hurtful than helpful because of reasons that were outside of his control. His openness to the conversation with fans shows real strength.

    And Jensen… we know how much Jensen cares about Dean. He was already unhappy and frustrated about what was probably an ending that wasn’t as bad as the one we ended up with. Imagine how he must have felt as that original plan got even worse and he saw everything he worked for crumble in front of his eyes.

    #100 Song Lyric Prompts

    No one specifically requested, but I wanted to do this so bad! Here we go…

    • “Will nature make a man of me yet?”- The Smiths, This Charming Man
    • “If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?”- Lynyrd Skynyrd, Free Bird
    • “When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth. No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her.”- Hozier, Work Song
    • “I don’t think that we should be alone together, when we’re in a room you get my eyes, you open your mouth I’m hypnotised”- The Neighbourhood, Single
    • “She looks as if she’s blowing a kiss at me and suddenly the sky is a scissor”- Arctic Monkeys, That’s where you’re wrong
    • “You think you want to be alone, just wait until you’re crying on the shower floor”
      “They’ve got a pretty face, but they’ve got a pretty empty head.”
      “But how the hell do you fall in love, the last time I checked you can’t fall in slow mo”- LANY- The Breakup *There were too many good ones in this song, I couldn’t help myself*
    • “I know it’s mad, but if I go to hell will you go with me or just leave?” - Panic! At The Disco, Do you know what I’m seeing?
    • “I don’t know who’s protecting me, but we hit it off”- Drake, Sandra’s Rose
    • “Do me a favour and break my nose, do me a favour and tell me to go away?”- Arctic monkeys, Do me a favour
    • “Baby just came back around, said she needs time to explore, said I can’t love her no more”- The Neighbourhood, Baby came home
    • “Just one mistake, you say you’re not in love no more, but was it really love if you can leave me for something so innocent is this the end?”- LANY, Thick and thin
    • “You can have Manhattan, I know it’s for the best, I’ll gather up the avenues and leave them on your doorstep. I’ll tiptoe away so you won’t have to say you heard me leave.”
      “You can have Manhattan, the one we used to share, the one where we were laughing and drunk on just being there. Hang onto the reverie, could you do that for me?”- Sara Bareilles, Manhattan
    • “You don’t love me, big fucking deal, I’ll never tell you how I feel.”
      “I’ll send my best regards from Hell”- Marina and the Diamonds, Starring Role
    • “I been writing these songs ‘bout how I can’t be with you. I don’t want to be a monster, but I’ve been here for days, drinking too much now I want you, can’t get you off my brain.”- Henry, Monster, Eng. version
    • “Change lives, get better, yeah that be the plan”
      “That’s why you see me winning, yeah, even after I lose”- Jay Park, Ask bout me
    • “Love is not looking over shoulders, Love is you should trust what I told you”
      “Love is not struggling to say I love you”- 6LACK, Disconnect
    • “All these people taking miles when you give them an inch, all these followers but who’s gonna follow me until the end?”- Drake, Emotionless
    • “She’s in the rain, you wanna hurt yourself I’ll stay with you, you wanna make yourself go through that pain, It’s better to be held than holding on,”- The Rose, She’s In The Rain *Absolutely love this one, don’t @ me, I will die for the The Rose**
    • “Sex by the fire at night”- Bruno Mars, That’s What I Like
    • “I’ve got the good side of you, sent it out into the blue.”- Troye Sivan, Good Side
    • “Standing by the window, rain falling, I want to have you full in my embrace and tell you, even when I’m born again and love you, even then, will you be with me?”- KREAM, 물 Gift *Translated*
    • “It all passes, Someday, For sure, Certainly”- RM, ft. NELL, everythingoes *Translated*
    • “Please stay as long as you need, can’t promise that things won’t be broken, but I swear that I will never leave. Please stay forever with me”- Sleeping With Sirens, Scene One- James Dean & Audrey Hepburn
    • “When you move, I’m put to mind of all that I wanna be, when you move
      I could never define all that you are to me”- Hozier, Movement
    • “Wake up and smell the coffee, is your cup half full or empty?”- Billie Eilish, come out and play
    • “Am I a bad person? Or am I just in pain?”- DEAN, Sulli, Rad Museum, Dayfly *Translated*
    • “Kiss me on the lips, a secret just between the two of us, deeply poisoned by the jail of you, I cannot worship anyone but you and I knew the grail was poisoned but I drank it anyway”- BTS, Blood Sweat & Tears *Translated*
    • “When the sun sets and darkness comes, I only remember your warmth, where the stars wrap around us. I’m going there, I’ll be there”- SEVENTEEN, Highlight *Translated*
    • “I don’t ever wanna feel like anything I do ever had a fucking resonance or meant a thing to you.”- Frank Carter & The Rattlesnakes, I Hate You
    • “You can’t take this away from me, the way I hit the melody, the waves bring clarity, running through me”- Tom Misch, Del La Soul, It Runs Through Me
    • “It was a lie when they smiled and said you won’t feel a thing”- My Chemical Romance, Disenchanted
    • “The fog has lifted and things get clear, all the lies pass by like a reel of film. I hate you”- EXO, 내가 미쳐 (Going Crazy) *Translated*
    • “I’m sorry- no, I’m not sorry, I’m just getting started and my life’s a party”- DEAN, Eric Bellinger, I’m Not Sorry
    • “Ain’t it fun, living in the real world?”- Paramore, Ain’t It Fun
    • “Ready or not, we are coming back- yeah, we’re over, we can tell you ‘bout what you need. You can look it up when you’re older”- Evergreen, Cargo Cult
    • “You, you got so much potential, every moment spent with you I bet was always eventful”- Aminé, Kehlani, Heebiejeebies- Bonus
    • “Could you imagine the taste of your lips if we never tried to kiss on the drive to Queens? ‘Cause I imagine the weight of your ribs if you lied between my hips in the backseat”- Halsey, Roman Holiday
    • “Forever isn’t for everyone, is forever for you?”- Arctic Monkeys, Snap Out Of It
    • “Wish you good luck being lonely, I’mma push red every time you phone me. You vow to be a memory”- Ella Mai, ft. Ty Dolla $ign, She Don’t
    • “I’ve been dazed and confused from the day I met you, yeah I lost my head and I’d do it again”- Ruel, Dazed & Confused
    • “I just want you closer, is that alright? Baby let’s get closer tonight”- Paolo Nutini, Last request
    • “You have no idea how pretty you are when you wake from sleep, you have no idea how beautiful you look as you get ready for bed”- Zion.T, No Makeup *Translated*
    • “I was thinking I could fly to your hotel tonight, baby, ‘cos I can’t get you off my mind”- Shawn Mendes, Lost In Japan
    • “She’s soothing like the ocean rushing on the sand, she takes care of me, baby, she helps me be a better man. She’s so beautiful, sometimes I stop to close my eyes, she’s exactly what I need”- Jeremy Passion, Lemonade
    • “And her lips are like the galaxy’s edge and her kiss the colour of a constellation falling into place”- Arctic Monkeys, Arabella
    • “It’s how you look, not how you feel. A city of glass with no heart”- Queens of the Stone Age, If I Had a Tail
    • “I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife”- Hozier, Take Me To Church
    • “Bitter and hardened heart, Oh, aching- waiting for life to start”- Keane, Bend & Break
    • “When you move I’m put to mind of all that I wanna be, when you move I could never define all that you are to me”- Hozier, Movement
    • “She said, ‘Baby, I’m afraid to fall in love, 'cause what if it’s not reciprocated?’ I told her, ‘Don’t rush girl, don’t you rush, guess it’s all a game of patience.’”- Pink Sweat$, Honesty
    • “Share a casket with you, we’ll be buried alive, me and her playing truth ‘til the day we die.”- Granata Ft. Phoniks, You Dont Need Me
    • “And hope that I had survived yesterday, and today is jealous of tomorrow.”- Emeli Sandé, Breathing Underwater
    • “Heaven if you sent us down so we could build a playground for the sinners to play as saints, you’d be so proud of what we’ve made.” Stephen, Crossfire
    • “Tell me how do you cope with it? How do you sleep with yourself at night? How do you cope with it? How do you sleep with yourself at night?”- blackbear, make daddy proud
    • “If anyone looks perfect, you look perfect next to me.”- Nick Wilson, Obsolete
    • “When I meet you after time passes, I’ll know (you were my future), I’ll know (I was your yesterday). When I meet you after time passes, I’ll know (you protected me), I’ll know (I desired you).”- SEVENTEEN (Wen Junhui & Xu Minghao), My I *Translated*
    • “I need my sex n’ drugs, I need my money first, bless me with all my sins.”- Abhi The Nomad, Ft. Harrison Sands & Copper King, Sex n Drugs
    • “Naked and fallin’ in love, look here I got you. Safe where there’s no one to judge, keep it insightful.”- Keiynan Lonsdale, Preach
    • “All alone, all we know is haunting me, making it harder to breathe, harder to breathe.”- The Neighbourhood, Leaving Tonight
    • “Now I see you get off of the subway, haven’t seen you in months but it’s okay. I’d forgotten but I feel the same, hate that I still wish you were…”- Claud, Wish You Were Gay
    • “A perfect stranger lying next to me, he’s playing God with broken figurines. He keeps calling me his little queen and I believe.”- Jake Wesley Rogers, Little Queen (This song deserves way more recognition, make sure to give it a listen!)
    • “Hell is so close to Heaven, hell is so close to Heaven. Hold on don’t look back, you know we’re better- we’re better than that. Lost and thrown away, you know we’re better- we’re better than that.”- Sleeping With Sirens, The Strays
    • “Alone tonight, I’m drawing my dreams across the sky farther than I can imagine- She wants it.”- CIX, Movie Star *Translated*
    • “Yeah I mixed words and some whiskey on the flight just to make sure I landed on time and I wrote me a song I could sing just in case I forgot everything.”- Marc E. Bassy, Last One I Love
    • “Don’t ask questions you don’t wanna know, learned my lesson way too long ago.”
      “Deadly fever, please don’t ever break, be my reliever 'cause I don’t self medicate”- Billie Eilish, my strange addiction
    • “And it’s worth it, it’s divine, I have this some of the time.”- Hozier, Cherry Wine
    • “And I realize you’re mine, Indeed, a fool am I.”- Queens of the Stone Age, No One Knows
    • “Look in the mirror ‘til I forget everything I know, everything I did was just a way to make the time feel faster.”- Miya Folick, Stock Image
    • “Do you feel how I feel? Are you numb? Do you tread crystal waters, bound to be stung? Are you scared? If I see you, we’re upon,
      will you dye your hair dark so you’re no longer blonde?”- Isaac Dunbar, Cologne
    • “Tell me; To you I’m bad & hurtful. Because I’ve been busy, you’re hurting. Bad, bad, bad, I’m bad, bad.”- Crush, NAPPA (나빠) *Translated*
    • “Just for the record, the weather today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of: A. Indifference or B. disinterest to what the critics say.”- Panic! At The Disco, London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines
    • “‘Cause you don’t say what you feel, I’m the one driving but you take the wheel. You wanna wait, 'til we’re older, I’m the one who started this, but now I just want closure.”- Ieuan, Closure
    • “Our names carved in the pavement, sealed by what’s left of our handprints, now. I told my mom, she’d love to meet you, but it’s too bad she won’t get the chance to.”- COIN, Malibu 1992
    • “I’m running outta time to hold you close, running outta time to be your man. I’m just lost in this moment, I’ve been zoning.”- blackbear, 4u
    • “Standing on your mama’s porch, you told me that you’d wait forever. Oh and when you held my hand, I knew that it was now or never”- Bryan Adams, Summer Of ‘69
    • “I’ll go out, grow my hair too long, sing your least favourite songs at the top of my lungs. I’ll go out, kiss all of your friends, make a story and pretend it was me who made this end.”- The Vamps, Hair Too Long
    • “Getting my mind right, I’ll wait 'til the time’s right. I’m meaning to tell you why it’s hard to sleep at night. There’s nothing to fear now, girl, we should be here now. So why don’t you hear me out?”- Jeremy Zucker, Ft. blackbear, talk is overrated
    • “We haven’t spoke since you went away, comfortable silence is so overrated. Why won’t you ever be the first one to break? Even my phone misses your call, by the way.”- Harry Styles, From the Dining Table
    • “Look overhead at the stars and the ocean, foggy emotions, moments, erosion. This supernova could cause a commotion, my minds of the notion, you’ll still be my motive”- Ansel Elgort, Supernova
    • “I love that new dress you bought, yeah, you sure look nice. Heard you liked that new restaurant, you know, I’ve been there twice. And the way that you switch up your hair, all of the moments we’ve shared, strolling the streets back in Rome, oh, how I wish I was there. It ain’t fair.- Ruel, Face To Face
    • “Welcome to your life, there’s no turning back. Even while we sleep we will find you acting on your best behaviour, turn your back on mother nature.”- Tear For Fears, Everybody Wants to Rule the World
    • “I’m wide awake, not losing any sleep, I picked up every piece and landed on my feet. I’m wide awake, need nothing to complete myself, no.” Katy Perry, Wide Awake
    • “If you don’t realize, all of the things your life can do you will be left behind, swept up by the storm of those you knew.”- Meltycanon, thankful
    • “I always knew that we’d be by each other’s side forever, now our time has come and I’d be satisfied if we died together. Yeah, our climate’s fucked, we might as well enjoy the weather, our time is up and I’d be satisfied if we died together.”- Samsa, Anthropocene
    • “There’s still so much to say, I’m faded, broken, pretending you’re on the line, wasting my time. Sinking deeper, watching you spend your night,
      like I’ll be fine and I’ll be over this.- NYK, Faded
    • “I’d rather go to hell, than be in purgatory, cut my hair, gag and bore me, pull this pin, let this world explode.”- My Chemical Romance, Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)
    • “I reached for a shooting star, it burned a hole through my hand
      Made its way through my heart, had fun in the promised land.”- blink-182, Wishing Well
    • “Let go of your baggage, but don’t think I don’t understand it’s probably a challenge,”- Isaac Lewis, Fly
    • “It’s been a long night in New York city, it’s been a long night in Baton Rouge. I don’t remember you looking any better, but then again, I don’t remember you.”- John Mayer, Who Says
    • “They say that love kills, it ain’t quite what it seems, don’t be shocked when you lost what you called ‘meant to be’.”- StayLoose, Bryce Fox, Sociopath
    • “When they come for You, I will shield Your name, I will field their questions, I will feel Your pain.”- Kanye West, Ultralight Beam
    • “Two steps forward, one step back and it won’t be long til my heart attack, yup! And common sense falls second place to the way it feels when you kiss my face, yup!”- The Band CAMINO, 2 / 14
    • “Leaving empty souls when he avenged, evil spirits flowed, he drank the blood like lemonade.”- Morcheeba, Blood Like Lemonade
    • “Your smile will become a classic; the brilliance of sunlight, the haziness of the moonlight exist for the sake of promises.”- WayV, Moonwalk
    • Dear God, I hope you got the letter and I pray you can make it better down here. I don’t need a big reduction in the price of beer, but all the people that you made in your image- see them starving on their feet.”- Lawless, Sydney Wayser, Dear God
    • “Down below, sandy, like the ocean floor, quiet, like I like it; here I’ll never be alone.”- slenderbodies, anemone
    • “I love everything, fire spreading all around my room, my world’s so bright, it’s hard to breathe but that’s alright- hush.”- Sub Urban, Cradles
    • “I’m telling myself, I’m telling myself, ‘I don’t need you anymore’.”- Lia Marie Johnson, Cold Heart Killer
    • “So I moved to California, but it’s just a state of mind, it turns out everywhere you go, you take yourself, that’s not a lie. Wish that you would hold me or just say that you were mine- it’s killing me slowly.” Lana Del Rey,  Fuck it I love you
    • “See, she knows that I love her, but I don’t think she’ll stay and she knows that I need her, but my love’s lost its weight. Spend my days longing for something real, spend my days stuck in the way I feel.- JOBA, Sad Saturdays

    Writing a Character With Psychosis

    If your character has psychosis, first, give yourself a pat on the back for taking a big step! Not very many people do this, and not very many people do it well. Here’s a small text post to try to help. Hallucinations:

    - Auditory hallucinations can come from inside the mind, too. You can hear people calling your name, and occasionally screaming or laughing. Someone who has knowledge of their condition will try their best to ignore them.

    -Voices in the head can be anything from a ‘narrator’ narrating what they do, a friend, or a manipulative enemy. Sometimes you’ll hear choruses of things–your character can try to reason with their voices, but the less human the voices sound, the harder that can be.

    -Voices can be very convincing, and your character can miss them if they disappear.

    -Tactile hallucinations can be anything from feeling rain when there isn’t any to someone tapping on your shoulder to working at school with someone’s 'hands’ around your neck. They’re often the hardest to distinguish from reality.

    -Seeing things can be realistic or unrealistic. You might have someone watching you the whole day, or seeing your cat when he’s actually dead, to bending down to pick a 'pencil’ up when it disappears. Seeing things float or flickering lights can be annoying to your character. Images distorting are not uncommon.

    -Your character will be annoyed by these if they have identified their hallucinations as fake. Hallucinations detract from ones life and complicate ones day.

    -Delusions can last for a long time or for a short time. Your character will be afraid, and a flight or fight response will be the majority of their actions. Feeling things chasing them is common, and certain objects might bring them comfort.

    -Paranoia isn’t just with psychosis. If your character is aware of their psychosis, then they will distrust everything and possibly ask other people if things are real. Nothing is definite.

    -Stigma against psychosis is very common, and stigma against medicine is too. Your character will probably be afraid of telling people.

    -Medicine will take more than a month sometimes to completely kick in. Sometimes while it’s kicking in, stress will make it worse.

    -This post is specifically for psychosis and hallucinations/delusions. I am not educated on schizophrenia, and am not making a generalization of that.

    Long story short, please do other research. The world is plagued with books that exacerbate stigma and myths. Ask people who suffer from psychosis or used to. This is not meant to be your only resource, nor it is definite for all cases. Every case of psychosis is different, and you can’t say one thing happens for everyone. Thank you for reading! TL;DR Just a resource if you want to write a character with psychosis, do other research too.

    I keep going back to that scene when Wei Wuxian returns from the Burial Mounds and is tracked down by Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji (who have been looking for him for three months). I just can’t get over that scene. Like, I can’t get over Wei Wuxian’s intentional cruelty to Lan Wangji there, and the things he says to him. 

    Up to that point, we’ve seen Wei Wuxian only be unintentionally careless. He’s the type of person whose mouth often moves faster than his brain. So he might offend people frequently, but it is never done with malicious intent, and you can tell that his brain eventually catches up to the things he said. 

    I think that’s the first time we see Wei Wuxian intentionally hurt someone who doesn’t deserve it. The first time I watched it, it struck me as defensiveness. Lan Wangji had the gall to question his methods, not knowing that these were now the only methods available to Wei Wuxian, with his golden core gone for good. But after watching it a couple of times, I’m not so sure. Wei Wuxian had been a troublemaker his entire life. He know how to deflect without striking the other person in turn. 

    I can’t help but wonder how absolutely terrible his time at Burial Mounds must have been, for his playful and kind disposition to change so drastically. After all, he is the one who instigated the closeness that Lan Wangji tried to use in order to get through to him. Any influence Lan Wangji thinks he has over Wei Wuxian, at that moment, did not spawn from his imagination. It is an influence borne from the intimacy that Wei Wuxian himself continuously insisted on, every step of their relationship. 

    To turn around like that and essentially say, “What’s it to you?” is so awful, it probably would’ve hurt Lan Wangji less if Wei Wuxian had just run him through with a sword instead.