@lunaaffecti
hic locus mors gaudere sucurere vitae
Posts
412
Last update
2020-07-10 01:41:44

    why do they treat us like that?

    I grew up being depicted as a giant trash can full of garbage. Trash. Like I am not worth of being loved or wished by anybody, because my body is ugly.

    The fat under my skin, concentrated on my belly, my neck, my sides and, the worst of all, in my titties has given me the image of a worthless piece of crap. People looked at me like I am disgusting just because I am fat.

    How many times did I look on the mirror and started crying? How many times did I wish to break that reflective object in millions of pieces? How many times did I bathed myself in perfume because I thought I was disgusting and bad-smelling, even though I always smelled so good? How many times did I used coats just to not show the curves of my shitty body?

    Why do people treat fat people like shit? Why do we do not deserve love? Why do they say we are disgusting and dirty?

    What is wrong with my body? What is wrong with me?

    It is just a FUCKING body. A round, shapeless, big-as-fuck body. A body whom everybody wants to fuck and cum all the night long. But still a body whom nobody wants to love.

    Fat people are trash for them.

    I am fat. And I can't deny that feeling anymore.

    so, you came to my dreams, huh...

    I will never forget that dream, baby thank you. I am completely devoted to you, as your desire is my desire to become your desire. I will always love you.

    The way I sucked you this time into that bathroom, and how you made me sit on your lap, willing to possess and left my soul, will never ever be forgotten. We were made for each other. We are one. And I would suck you as I sucked in that dream for the rest of eternity.

    I love you, nameless man. I love you more than myself, because you're the image of what the most wish to desire me.

    I love you, my nameless knight.

    eis a encruzilhada:

    decida-se ou padeça sobre a estrada!

    enlouqueça seja livre

    na tua própria escuridão

    enlouqueça e seja livre

    para sempre se culparão

    arme-se sem dó

    cause angustia e traição

    torture-os até torna-los pó

    infliga dor e maldição

    fuja! enfrente a dor maior!

    frustre seus desejos e dê de cara com o mal

    fuja! encontre o amor maior!

    sacie seus desejos e encontre o bom sinal

    lutar já não tem mais sentido

    soluções não mais estão

    sobre as minhas mãos

    ...

    eu não sou capaz de continuar só

    me mataria a solidão

    sangue sobre as minhas mãos

    ...

    onde estão aqueles que deviam me defender?

    onde estão aqueles que deveriam me salvar?

    eu lhes maldirei até o dia acabar

    ...

    a morte está à porta

    a morte está à porta

    a morte está à porta

    não há mais para onde fugir

    i feel so lost without you. i feel so frightened without you. i feel so deeply hurt without you.

    BUT I JUST CAN'T KEEP IT BEING WITH YOU. WHY 5HE FUCK DID I HAVE TO BORN GAY???

    Fuck it MAMA

    Fuck it DADDY

    FUCK YOU, FREUD!

    you wanna know something? Fuck it.

    I AM NOT HER MAMMA!

    how the fuck could I know what would happen? yes, I saw it coming, but how could I be certain of that? how could I know you would not respond to my feelings? You would not know I couldn't respond to yours either!

    I will not take that blame today. I will fucking NOT take that blame now.

    It is everybody's fault. Still it is nobody's fault.

    fuck it. I hate this situation. I hate the silence. I hate we are not friends anymore. I hate. I hate. I hate. I hate. I deeply hate. I haaaaaaaaaaaate.

    I hate myself so much for doing that.

    I knew this was going to happen. I saw it coming.

    WHY did I let this happen? WHY did I lose the fucking control? WHY did I let my feelings control my mind? My heart poisoned my soul and now I am beyond death.

    I will never forgive myself. I will NEVER forgive myself. And if I could, I would curse myself.