@maddstermind
F E A S T★O R★F A M I N E

im probably an eldritch entity its fine

[Maddy, They/Them, 18]

i care about many things and post about them here. so thats a thing that happens

art: #madd draws for fun

EXCLUSIONISTS GET THE FUCK OUT

((icon by @ace-altair))

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Last update
2020-07-07 01:07:36

    unless one character in the equation is a heinous asshole or something, i am entirely impervious to love triangles. 

    i live by the “____ has two hands” meme motto

    “oh no!! two friends fell in love with the same person, what will they do???? who will have to sacrifice their heart?<>?” NOBODY, BITCH. 

    “a character thought their spouse was dead but they finally moved on and have a new spouse they love… but now the original spouse is back! who will bow out for the others’ happine<>ss??” I MEAN, ALL THREE OF THEM HAVE WEDDING RINGS ON ALREADY…

    “this trio of adventurers have faced hell and high water together and developed incredibly deep bonds with each other during their quest, but now that their quest has come to a close, which two of them will settle down together?<>” COZY COTTAGES IN THE WOODS ARE BIG ENOUGH FOR THREE.

    dancingdarklingwrites

    Kill the love triangle. Normalize polyamory.

    <>Really Big Coin Skrekkøgle

    This is our Really Big Coin. It is big because it makes other things look small when photographed next to it. Actually, it is a 20:1 replica of the EUR 50-cent, you see it being milled out here. We needed to do quite a bit of sanding, lacquering and smudging to obtain the desired look and some climbing to get into required shooting position (you need to get up real high to take good pictures). The result is a short series of photographs, attempting to visually scale down real-sized objects.

    image

    Images and text via

    aberrantkenosis

    what the fuck

    Me scrolling through the images: oooooh photos of miniature things with a coin for scale

    Me when I reached the text: waIT A MINUTE

    It’s with great pain that I must announce you were devoured by clowns.

    garfieldtaxidermy

    <>Turn to page 14 to climb into the clowns jaws.

    <>Turn to page 6 to turn around and walk away.

    garfieldtaxidermy

    It’s with great pain that I must announce you were devoured by clowns.

    garfieldtaxidermy

    It’s with great pain that I must announce you were devoured by clowns.

    Non-Americans who escalate inter-nationality teasing immediately to “school shootings and trump” stop challenge 

    American’s Teasing England: Tea in the shower, u have a queen, other relatively benign stereotypes 

    American’s Teasing Canada: u have moose and beavers, maple syrup u like it

    American’s Teasing Australia: kangaroos and koalas, it’s hot there, summer time, toilets flush backward

    Canada, England, and Australia retaliating from that teasing: school shootings, kill a child today hm? your police murder you, you’re gonna die from a preventable disease, everyone in the country is hopelessly poor and dying, everyone’s in debt, you can’t even afford to die. THAT’ll teach u to tease us about having ANIMALS in our country! 

    I mean, sure, it’s all fun and games to you. But I’ve had friends legitimately try to kill themselves just thinking about a future in this country. I have co-workers who cried on the first day of school because they were scared of dying. While I was working at a school there were three school shooting threats in 4 weeks. I had friends break out into tears after the massacre in 2018 talking about it in class, terrified that they were going to die while working–or watch students die. 

    My high school history teacher was shot in the back on campus. Everyone here knows someone who’s been affected by gun violence. Everyone knows someone who’s been affected by healthcare, or lack thereof. Everyone knows someone whose life has been ruined by college debt. 

    The day in, day out nightmare of living in America is not a fucking <>“GOTCHA” for when you’re trying to tease America. Why is this so hard to comprehend. 

    Non-Americans: Ugh americans are so entitled and mean and rude

    Also Non-Americans: Oh you’re gonna make fun of me drinking tea? Well you’re gonna be violently murdered and then you’ll go into thousands upon thousands of dollars in debt from the act lol this is an equivalent comparison and doesn’t make me look like the asshole in the situation at all!! Americans are soooo rude!

    Any examples of what we can tease you about then? Any universal Americanisms that cause the right amount of offense without stepping over the line?

    Imperial system

    Shoes on in house

    Smiling too much

    High school football

    Opossums, raccoons, deer, etc.

    Carpet (I’ve heard other countries aren’t as obsessed with carpet as Americans)

    Sales tax (how much will this cost? Nobody knows!)

    Roadside tourist attractions (world’s biggest ball of yarn etc)

    “it’s only a 6 hour drive”

    Buying tea in a gallon jug

    Being in the prairie states and there literally being nothing in any direction for miles not even trees

    Tornadoes anything to do with tornado culture

    Waffle house

    The mere concept of semi trucks / 18 wheelers

    Every state except California claiming they have the weirdest weather

    five petrol stations within a two block radius, sometimes two of the same brand ketchup is too spicy mayonnaise on/in literally everything we put noodles and mayo in a bowl and call it a salad i shit you not absolute failures at geography deep fried everything. seriously. we deep fry BUTTER.

    Absolutely everything and anything somehow being a casserole

    HELL IS REAL billboard here in Ohio

    The giant dinosaur roadside tourist attraction out in the middle of nowhere

    Route 66

    Corn fields, everywhere you look

    Weird salads (like ambrosia)

    Fanny packs

    Prom (I’ve heard other countries don’t have prom? Or any of the other 100 school dances a year??)

    People microwave their tea instead of boiling it

    The white people half-jog-and-wave combo when crossing the street

    Endless ads for pharmaceuticals

    the spelling and pronunciation dissonance of ‘Arkansas’

    Everything in Texas being shaped like Texas itself.  I’ve teased Texans about this and the responses are always either a frustrated yet resigned sigh or a boisterous “Hell yeah, it is!  TEXAS!  WOO!”

    Freeways.  Look a Californian in the eyes, say “the 405″ and watch a piece of their soul flicker out.

    Our collective inability to decide the pronunciation of “kebab”.

    Sweetened tea is somehow the default.

    That every restaurant claims to be “world famous” and somehow nobody ever gets called out on that bullshit.

    The utter nonsense that is our continued fascination with disco.

    Stomp your foot twice and then clap your hands once.  Repeat several times.  See what happens.

    [Image description: a stock photo of a woman holding an apple in both hands. If you are not from the United States, the apple is fucking huge, at least according to my British friends. If you’re from the US, it’s normal.]

    ^ That? Is a normal-sized apple. Three apples at the supermarket = about 1 ¼ pounds. (That’s about four-tenths of a kilogram.) According to my friend from Bristol, this is FREAKISHLY large. I sent him a photo of one of our so-called “lunchbox-sized” apples and his response was “that’s a normal apple. WTF do you think a full-sized apple is then” and I just about gave him a damn heart attack sending him a picture of a regular one, which covers my entire palm and then some.

    –Our milk takes like three or four weeks to expire. No, I am not shitting you. Same friend and I had an entire argument over Sherlock because of the “she’s been gone at least two days, the milk’s gone off” in the second episode, with me insisting that was too much bullshit to be believed and him insisting that no, milk goes off in 3-4 days, what kind of freakish Frankenstein milk am I drinking. ( @rowanthestrange​, paging you for this conversation.)

    –American cooking: “look! I put three cans in a pot and added ketchup!” If you can do closer to “from scratch” than this, people will look at you with fucking awe. I make a salsa for company parties that’s functionally “chop things and put them in a bowl, do this at certain times for three days so all the flavors meld right” and people think I’m some kind of wizard, and, in spite of the fact that you should not be able to fuck this up, they always always always do in fact manage to fuck it up when trying to recreate it.

    --I have never had British bread, but I have been told by multiple British friends who’ve been to America that our bread is almost as sweet as British cake. Same with our milk–apparently it’s weirdly sweet.

    –we have to refrigerate our eggs.

    –apparently we say aluminum weird? (I personally think Y’ALL say it weird, but whatever, again, Rowan can confirm we have had entire arguments about this)

    –schedule. We say it so the first bit is like “school,” WHICH MAKES SOME FUCKING SENSE.

    –a certain subset of Americans just being like. Wildly obsessed with historical reenactment. And I’m not talking about the douchey Confederate ones, either. There are like entire groups that go out and dress as Ben Franklin and do “I’m standing on a literal soapbox teaching you about the Founding Fathers” stuff at Fourth of July festivals and stuff. I’ve met some of them. They use historical sewing tools and methods. Can you imagine sewing an entire fucking colonial dress and all its undergarments, by hand, with a bone needle?! FOR FUN?!?

    –timezones. There are seven time zones in the United States (Eastern, Central, Mountain, Arizona, Pacific, Alaska, Hawaii-Aleutian) . If you’ve ever seen an American commercial that says something like “at 8PM Eastern, 7pm Central,” it’s referring to the two easternmost timezones.