I don’t want to go all debates and ideology, but I will answer this at least one time because I think it’s important.
This is a long answer but it’s because there are a lot of tips and tricks to help you all.
I think porn has kind of become the way people learn what sex is and how it works and it’s unfortunately complicating social sex. I am asked all the time if I would have a baby with one of my boys, not because they are mean but because the thought of that is hot. And it may be so, but in the real world I can’t do something like that. It would end my marriage and kill most if not every friendships I have in this world. In a porno it’s so much fun, in real life it’s really difficult. Drawing the line between real sex and fantasy sex is crucial.
Now that this part is out of the way.
Porn is not educational beyond sexual acts. New positions and new fetish, it’s great. But out there, if a woman wants you to challenge something it has to be something that is protective or she has to have expressed specifically to you in words. Yes there are a handful who want to be taken and forced, which is cool, but your odds that a woman you come across randomly is secretly that is lower than winning the lottery. So before thinking whether you should send sexual stuff to a woman who did not ask for it, ask yourself “how likely am I to win the lottery today?” That is the odds this will go well. It’s less than paper thin, we put seatbelts on because it’s safe, you can play it safe in this context too. Be respectful of what that person has to say. Pay attention to “not, no, don’t”, if there is a “maybe” before it, it’s not a challenge. It’s NOT. All it is, is it’s that person’s way to not make YOU feel like a shitty person. They are not inviting you to push more. Being nice to them in return is backing off. Those words are important. Pay attention to them because it can be the one thing separating you from a catastrophy. They may not use it more than once. They may us “maybe it’s not a good idea, maybe it’s best to leave it at that, I don’t think we should be talking about this, I would prefer not to” because they prefer to say that than to insult you, they try to male the rejection less harmful to you. So don’t be mad at them either, they just try to not make you feel shitty. And some may call you creeps and freaks too, it can happen, but it happens when you throw dick pics and semen stained stuff at them without any explanation. Ask yourself: “Did they ask?” The answer to that question is the same answer to “Should I send it?” If the first is a no, the second is ALWAYS a no.
Up there by “protective” challenging I mean If an asshole is at a bar hitting on me and I don’t want him to be around but do conversation so he doesn’t decapitate me then keeps my head in his fridge and I give clear body signals that I am unhappy uncomfortable uninterested, if it’s clear the guy oversteps. DO challenge the situation. Not ME but the situation I am in, the conversation, where I am sitting. Because the one thing a woman WANTS to see challenged are things that are problematic to her. Clarify you are here to help, not a second “him.” This scenario happened to me several months ago and a young man about 22 years old put his arm over my shoulder and pretended to be my boyfriend and they went away. Result? I gagged on his cock for half an hour straight with my makeup dripping, gave him a boobjob and let him give me a facial. It works. Protective challenge means seeking to interfere with what makes a girl’s day shitty. Sun cream blocks sun burns, you block bullshit, you got yourself a genuine shot at talking with that girl. Block bullshit, don’t be the bullshit yourself. Keep your eyes on you so you don’t become the sex creep she needs saving from. You may not be but she doesn’t know who you are.
If it’s expressed desire to be challenged, well it says it. It’s literal, the “make me” talk is not discreet. If it’s unclear, that’s not it honey. If you have room for doubt, clarify things, because you may want to have a good time with someone and it may turn to a tragic moment just because you didn’t make sure. Do it, it takes a second. Hollywood and social media really created this illusion that there are codes, hidden sign and “when a girl laughs it means this and this” but it’s all bullshit. If a girl REALLY likes you, she will talk about it. If a girl wants your dick, she will talk about it too. I think we are just stuck at an era where porno and social media bullshit have crossed path and created this realm of “women needs seducing, convincing, decrypting”, but believe me they really don’t. I know a LOT of sexual hyperactive women in my life and there isn’t one that is making men guess. It’s not a thing. You may WANT her smile to mean she likes you but if she doesn’t say it, it doesn’t mean anything actually. Smiling is just a human emotiom. Stop trusting the guides to get laid. The “pros” and “doms” are as clueless as you are because each woman is different. Well you are a little less clueless than they are now that you have read this.
Also accepting you can’t make people want you is a life lesson. It goes for sex, love, jobs, art. Not just for them but for you, learn to go where you are wanted. Have sex with people who CRAVE the idea of fucking you, not people who needed 70 drinks to consider it, not people who needed hours of convincing. You got to kill the dragon to get the princess but don’t start a 100 years war over it. It’s not about you being worthy or not guys, it’s about asking for a special at a restaurant that dosen’t serve it anymore. Order something else or go to another one.
Hope these advices help you all and you can all enjoy a lot pleasurable sex to come ❤