@myhappyhusband
The Tiger Wife

Mid 40's couple with a petite Asian wife and a large former Division 1 Varsity Athlete husband. Learning about and having fun with tease and denial, edging, ruined orgasms and male chastity. Using the husbands strong foot fetish against him along with a good dose of ass and pussy worship. NSFW, 18+ only please, if you want us to remove a picture or video please tell us. Enjoy!!!

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2020-09-25 09:04:50

    Motivating the Male

    In my opinion, the whole premise of a successful FLR relationship hinges on one aspect. If you take away just one thing from these pages, then let it be this: The single most important tool at your disposal to keep the male motivated is controlling his orgasms and erections.

    In fact, the very idea of living in a relationship where he pampers you as much as I have described in previous articles, and forsakes so much for himself, probably came into his mind after an unusually long period of not orgasming, for whatever reason.

    His desire to please you is closely linked with his sexual energy level. Taking control over your man’s orgasms may seem alien at first, so by all means ease into it, but it is imperative that you eventually get around to it. And don’t worry, your man will be happy to comply.

    So what does controlling his orgasms mean? Well, it means that you should limit his orgasms to build up sexual energy, which should go hand in hand with near-daily sexually charged activities - a combination that is commonly known as tease and denial. These techniques ensure he is always on his best behavior, and eager to please and serve your needs. Let’s explore why this is the case.

    A typical man who has just had a release isn’t interested in anything sexual. And make no mistake, his desire to please you is closely linked to sex. For every day that goes by without an orgasm, especially if you tease him on a regular basis, his sexual energy will build up and so will his motivation to please you. How long it will take for him to reach the level of servility that you like is individual, but when I experimented with this in the early days of our FLR relationship, I found that a 3-5 day “break” was often necessary to get him in the right frame of mind. After that, I gently eased him into serving my needs again. After a few days of doing that, he was ready for anything and wanted nothing more than to please me. And then it’s just a matter of deciding how long he needs to go before he is allowed a release.

    So how long should he go? Again, this is highly individual. I recommend at least three weeks and no more than three months. Given that there is a build-up period, you’ll want a nice, long period of uninterrupted full-on servitude before he has another break. Of course, as you become more comfortable in your role as the decision-maker you probably don’t want to give him an actual break after he has his release. Maybe a few hours, but you should instill in him a feeling that his need for sexual tension to function properly is his problem, not yours.

    TEASING/KEEPING UP THE PRESSURE

    If you deny him orgasms, his pressure will build all of itself. But in the long run he may lose interest in the whole arrangement if you only deny him and use him to serve your needs, without making it sexually attractive to him. He’ll be (mostly) happy to be denied as long as his sexual tension is high, but being denied without any reminders of what it is he wants so badly is not a recipe for success. So this is where one of your “responsibilities” come into play. You need to keep him mentally stimulated, in addition to the sheer physical tension that comes from denying him.

    The way to do this is to have some near-daily routine that plays to his desires and kinks. Part of this can come from, say, giving you a massage every night, provided that he gets to see some skin and touch you in some borderline interesting areas. But a much more powerful way to do it is to devise some activity that requires no effort from you, but plays directly to his kinks. For example, for years I have made my husband sit at the foot of the bed, and lick my feet and suck on my toes while I finish reading for the night. When I am done, he is allowed into the bed and can continue to please me more directly (almost always a body massage and often oral sex).

    The point is that you should come up with something similar to keep your man interested from a purely kink/sex perspective. It shouldn’t provide him any direct satisfaction, and I’ve found it to be an advantage psychologically if it doesn’t seem to do much for you either, but it needs to be something you can do as part of a near-daily routine (so don’t pick something that you actively dislike or that requires any effort on your part).

    Our particular routine makes my man rock hard and very sexually excited every night, so when he finally is allowed into bed his penis is struggling against his chastity device. Which brings me to…

    CHASTITY DEVICES

    Men are men and they will want to play with their penises, never mind their good intentions. So how do you enforce a ban on sexual releases? Even the most motivated man could easily have an “accident”. Well, some FLR couples do this using the honor system only, but I’d venture to say that a majority use a chastity device - we certainly do.

    If you have read this far with a lingering fear in the back of your head that pursuing a FLR relationship will turn you into leather-clad sex maniacs with a bedroom full of whips and strange sexual toys, this might be where your warning lights go off. But fear not, this is the only piece of equipment that (in my opinion) is required, and it’s a very discreet one. Simply put, it’s a small plastic or metal cage that locks into place with a ring around his testicles, keeping his penis pointed downward and limited to a certain size (definitely not large enough for a proper erection). They can be worn 24/7 for longer periods of time, aren’t visible under clothes (if you take certain precautions), and come with a set of small keys that you should carry with you. Imagine that - his precious penis locked away, and you holding the keys.

    If you are totally new to this, you might need a few minutes to process this. It may seem extreme, but really isn’t. It’s a tool that helps you help him. And if he’s like most men wanting to live in a FLR relationship, he can’t wait to start wearing it.

    You won’t believe the combined effect that being denied, locked up, and teased can have on a man’s psyche. He will be aching to make you happy, in any small way he can. And the cage will be a constant reminder of your kinky arrangement, which he will (mostly) love. Not only do you have him do all these embarassing things for you, but he can’t even get a proper erection without your approval. Poor thing…

    For you, it will feel quite nice knowing that you hold the keys to his most precious body part. Imagining him in a meeting with a bunch of blustering alpha men, with a locked penis hidden under his suit, that only you can unlock (and practically never do), might bring a smile to your face if you’re having a bad day at work.

    Should you always keep him in his cage, unless you’re activaly making use of his penis? That’s up to you. Many do, others use it more as a training tool. I keep my man locked up most of the time, with the occasional day off - a handful every year.

    PERIODIC RELEASES

    You should provide him with periodic releases. In addition to being a nice gesture, there are some possible health issues. So let him have his release every so often, but I suggest that you don’t give him a fixed schedule or date. Better to keep him guessing and on his toes. And, depending on how sadistic you are, they don’t have to be particularly enjoyable to him. Look up “ruined orgasms”, for starters.

    A NOTE ON ERECTIONS

    Limiting your man’s orgasms will have a real, physiological impact on his arousal level, but the other great thing about the chastity device is that it makes it impossible for him to even get an erection without you unlocking him, which is a huge deal psychologically. To this day, I’m still not sure what the most important effect of the chastity device is: taking away his orgasms or taking away his erections.

    Think about it – his whole adult life he has been used to being able to stroke and play with his penis whenever he has felt like it (and men feel like doing that a lot), deciding for himself whether to take it all the way to climax. For most men, this is second nature to them. They tug and twist and scratch and go from limp to erect and back again many times a day. It’s part of being a man.

    Now all that is taken from him. He can’t give it a few nice tugs when he wakes up with a morning erection, he can’t play with it in the shower, and he can’t react to arousing stimuli like he has always enjoyed doing. So it’s a big change, that you might want to take some time implementing, but it’s one well worth doing – for both of you.

    ***

    Enforcing orgasm control is essential to a healthy FLR relationship, and erection control can arguably be just as important. Chastity devices can be a really useful tool in those regards, but how does that affect your sex life?

    Ejaculation

    There are some very interesting ways to spice up a FLR, especially when the relationship has become predictable. The beautiful thing about a FLR, is that it never has to become predictable for very long, because the very nature of power exchange, means things can change at any time. Since power exchange, is affecting both partners at very sensitive levels it can be a lot of fun to explore it deeper, to really figure out how to reach deeper into it.

    Keeping a submissive, locked up, teased and denied often, will keep him submissive. However, a domme should not forget that subspace is exactly where he wants to be. It’s the best place for him to be in to serve, however, over time, he can get used to subspace, and her power keeping him horny begins to waver a little bit, because it’s what he wants. Being horny becomes his normal state of being.

    This can be problematic, because he forgets what it’s like to cum, and his body no longer has the urgent need to ejaculate. Without that need to ejaculate, he may still be subservient, but his desire to push limits, will have waned, and his subservience may have become routine, or not as enthusiastic. This is normal, and often tease and denial will perk him back up, among other things.

    There is a way to bring back that desperation however, to turn him back into that very desperate submissive he once was when you were discovering the joys of chastity together. In those days where his submission was half motivated to submit, and half motivated to get the reward of ejaculation. The days where the passion was at its highest peak, and the chivalry was at its highest level.

    It requires applying a little bit of reverse psychology, and this can be extremely fun for the domme as well as the submissive. You see, once he has reached that plateau of hornyness, he’s no longer going to want to ejaculate, he’s going to prefer saying denied. Ejaculation to him now, is a chore.

    Ejaculation means having to go through subdrop for the next 12 hours or more. He doesn’t want to leave subspace, and he doesn’t want to experience subdrop, it makes him feel down, as if he came down from a high, almost depressed even. He loses all desire to submit, and he feels empty, unfulfilled. Ejaculation is almost like a punishment for him at this point.

    Which is exactly why ejaculation has become the perfect way to bring him right back into deeper submission. A submissive should be taught to remain submissive, even if they don’t feel submissive, after ejaculation. This is very difficult for a submissive to do, especially in the early days. One primary method for helping him overcome this, is to have him consume his own cum afterward.

    Making him consume his own cum, means the first thing he must do, after ejaculation is perform a submissive act. A submissive act that he really doesn’t want to perform. This keeps him in the submissive mindset, even when he’s really not feeling it. Proper aftercare should then be taken after he has done this. He still wants to feel safe, and cared for.

    Once he has learned to be submissive even after ejaculation, the real fun can begin after he’s used to being in the horny plateau, which can take months. After months or years of infrequent, or no full ejaculations, the reverse psychology of ejaculating him can work wonders.

    Bringing ejaculation back to the forefront of the relationship can take a bit of adjusting to, but its easier if he’s been trained to be submissive afterward. Over a period of a couple weeks, to a month, a domme can increase the frequency of how often he gets to ejaculate. Perhaps in the first week, it’s two times. Increasing it up to maybe twice a day by the end of the month.

    He’s not going to be in subspace for an entire month almost, but remember, that’s not up to him! What’s happening, is his body is once again getting used to ejaculating frequently, and so naturally he begins to crave that, while at the same time, craving subspace even more. He is completely at the mercy of a domme at this point.

    When the time comes to be locked back up in chastity, he’s going to once again, have a very difficult time adjusting to the chaste life, and his subservience is going to drastically soar back to begging for attention, and begging to service her with his enthusiastic tongue, while also begging for ejaculation. It’s quite the conundrum for him, and its a delicious amount of power for her. She can have so much fun playing with this, and come up with creative ideas along the way.

    A female led relationship never has to get boring, or dull, or routine. A little reverse psychology can go a long way! Ejaculation becomes a doubled edged sword, his best friend, yet his greatest enemy, his domme is in total control of his sexuality and he’s forever left guessing as to what might happen next!

    Thank you for reading!  If you’d like to learn more about female led relationships, check out my Practical FLR book series.

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