Motivating the Male
In my opinion, the whole premise of a successful FLR relationship hinges on one aspect. If you take away just one thing from these pages, then let it be this: The single most important tool at your disposal to keep the male motivated is controlling his orgasms and erections.
In fact, the very idea of living in a relationship where he pampers you as much as I have described in previous articles, and forsakes so much for himself, probably came into his mind after an unusually long period of not orgasming, for whatever reason.
His desire to please you is closely linked with his sexual energy level. Taking control over your man’s orgasms may seem alien at first, so by all means ease into it, but it is imperative that you eventually get around to it. And don’t worry, your man will be happy to comply.
So what does controlling his orgasms mean? Well, it means that you should limit his orgasms to build up sexual energy, which should go hand in hand with near-daily sexually charged activities - a combination that is commonly known as tease and denial. These techniques ensure he is always on his best behavior, and eager to please and serve your needs. Let’s explore why this is the case.
A typical man who has just had a release isn’t interested in anything sexual. And make no mistake, his desire to please you is closely linked to sex. For every day that goes by without an orgasm, especially if you tease him on a regular basis, his sexual energy will build up and so will his motivation to please you. How long it will take for him to reach the level of servility that you like is individual, but when I experimented with this in the early days of our FLR relationship, I found that a 3-5 day “break” was often necessary to get him in the right frame of mind. After that, I gently eased him into serving my needs again. After a few days of doing that, he was ready for anything and wanted nothing more than to please me. And then it’s just a matter of deciding how long he needs to go before he is allowed a release.
So how long should he go? Again, this is highly individual. I recommend at least three weeks and no more than three months. Given that there is a build-up period, you’ll want a nice, long period of uninterrupted full-on servitude before he has another break. Of course, as you become more comfortable in your role as the decision-maker you probably don’t want to give him an actual break after he has his release. Maybe a few hours, but you should instill in him a feeling that his need for sexual tension to function properly is his problem, not yours.
TEASING/KEEPING UP THE PRESSURE
If you deny him orgasms, his pressure will build all of itself. But in the long run he may lose interest in the whole arrangement if you only deny him and use him to serve your needs, without making it sexually attractive to him. He’ll be (mostly) happy to be denied as long as his sexual tension is high, but being denied without any reminders of what it is he wants so badly is not a recipe for success. So this is where one of your “responsibilities” come into play. You need to keep him mentally stimulated, in addition to the sheer physical tension that comes from denying him.
The way to do this is to have some near-daily routine that plays to his desires and kinks. Part of this can come from, say, giving you a massage every night, provided that he gets to see some skin and touch you in some borderline interesting areas. But a much more powerful way to do it is to devise some activity that requires no effort from you, but plays directly to his kinks. For example, for years I have made my husband sit at the foot of the bed, and lick my feet and suck on my toes while I finish reading for the night. When I am done, he is allowed into the bed and can continue to please me more directly (almost always a body massage and often oral sex).
The point is that you should come up with something similar to keep your man interested from a purely kink/sex perspective. It shouldn’t provide him any direct satisfaction, and I’ve found it to be an advantage psychologically if it doesn’t seem to do much for you either, but it needs to be something you can do as part of a near-daily routine (so don’t pick something that you actively dislike or that requires any effort on your part).
Our particular routine makes my man rock hard and very sexually excited every night, so when he finally is allowed into bed his penis is struggling against his chastity device. Which brings me to…
Men are men and they will want to play with their penises, never mind their good intentions. So how do you enforce a ban on sexual releases? Even the most motivated man could easily have an “accident”. Well, some FLR couples do this using the honor system only, but I’d venture to say that a majority use a chastity device - we certainly do.
If you have read this far with a lingering fear in the back of your head that pursuing a FLR relationship will turn you into leather-clad sex maniacs with a bedroom full of whips and strange sexual toys, this might be where your warning lights go off. But fear not, this is the only piece of equipment that (in my opinion) is required, and it’s a very discreet one. Simply put, it’s a small plastic or metal cage that locks into place with a ring around his testicles, keeping his penis pointed downward and limited to a certain size (definitely not large enough for a proper erection). They can be worn 24/7 for longer periods of time, aren’t visible under clothes (if you take certain precautions), and come with a set of small keys that you should carry with you. Imagine that - his precious penis locked away, and you holding the keys.
If you are totally new to this, you might need a few minutes to process this. It may seem extreme, but really isn’t. It’s a tool that helps you help him. And if he’s like most men wanting to live in a FLR relationship, he can’t wait to start wearing it.
You won’t believe the combined effect that being denied, locked up, and teased can have on a man’s psyche. He will be aching to make you happy, in any small way he can. And the cage will be a constant reminder of your kinky arrangement, which he will (mostly) love. Not only do you have him do all these embarassing things for you, but he can’t even get a proper erection without your approval. Poor thing…
For you, it will feel quite nice knowing that you hold the keys to his most precious body part. Imagining him in a meeting with a bunch of blustering alpha men, with a locked penis hidden under his suit, that only you can unlock (and practically never do), might bring a smile to your face if you’re having a bad day at work.
Should you always keep him in his cage, unless you’re activaly making use of his penis? That’s up to you. Many do, others use it more as a training tool. I keep my man locked up most of the time, with the occasional day off - a handful every year.
You should provide him with periodic releases. In addition to being a nice gesture, there are some possible health issues. So let him have his release every so often, but I suggest that you don’t give him a fixed schedule or date. Better to keep him guessing and on his toes. And, depending on how sadistic you are, they don’t have to be particularly enjoyable to him. Look up “ruined orgasms”, for starters.
A NOTE ON ERECTIONS
Limiting your man’s orgasms will have a real, physiological impact on his arousal level, but the other great thing about the chastity device is that it makes it impossible for him to even get an erection without you unlocking him, which is a huge deal psychologically. To this day, I’m still not sure what the most important effect of the chastity device is: taking away his orgasms or taking away his erections.
Think about it – his whole adult life he has been used to being able to stroke and play with his penis whenever he has felt like it (and men feel like doing that a lot), deciding for himself whether to take it all the way to climax. For most men, this is second nature to them. They tug and twist and scratch and go from limp to erect and back again many times a day. It’s part of being a man.
Now all that is taken from him. He can’t give it a few nice tugs when he wakes up with a morning erection, he can’t play with it in the shower, and he can’t react to arousing stimuli like he has always enjoyed doing. So it’s a big change, that you might want to take some time implementing, but it’s one well worth doing – for both of you.
Enforcing orgasm control is essential to a healthy FLR relationship, and erection control can arguably be just as important. Chastity devices can be a really useful tool in those regards, but how does that affect your sex life?