@peoasp
PEESOAP WAS MY FATHER CALL ME FISH

black lives matter. SHARK FANBOY / 20 / FIRM BELIEVER IN THE INHERENT EROTICISM OF BUDDY COMEDIES. DESKTOP TSUYU BY @bbuggs , ABOUT IS IN MORE

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2022-10-03 13:45:58

    things you will see on a road trip across america

    -so much desert that you will get scared 

    -seriously from california to new mexico is terrifying like it’s eight straight hours of pale red desert and the sky is so large that everything, even your car, even your hands, looks like a tenuously small and fragile diorama placed on an endless pale red table and left there to dissolve. 

    -a gas station that for some reason has large dinosaurs made out of scrap metal. they are 1000% awesome. sometimes they move. take a million pictures.

    -a fruit stand that sells the best fruit you have ever eaten. later you won’t quite remember which fruit. strawberries, maybe? peaches?

    -small black birds, subtly different in every state. some have gold eyes and some are a little iridescent and some are black from beak to toes. the sparrows they compete with for crumbs look exactly the same wherever you go. 

    -a completely empty rest stop. no one eats at the concrete tables. no one plays in the tiny strip of grass or gravel. you will find a small and beautiful stone. 

    -a hawaii license plate, somewhere around ohio. i still don’t know how they get the cars across the ocean. i don’t know why anyone would leave hawaii for ohio. i don’t know why anyone lives in ohio. 

    -an incredibly weird duck. you had no idea ducks could look so incredibly weird, and you wish you were still ignorant of how incredibly weird ducks can, apparently, look. 

    -a small folksy roadside waystation that sells fudge and incredibly tacky statues of eagles and wolves and cowboys. if you like fudge, eat the fudge from here. 

    -a lizard doing pushups. if you are particularly fortunate: many lizards doing pushups.

    -approximately one gajillion starbucks shops. don’t bother counting them. it will make you angry. 

    -a storm somewhere around oklahoma, if you’re lucky. the clouds tower up in fantastic fluffy castles miles and miles into the air and are painted pink and gold and purple and the sky turns a dozen impossible shades of blue and when the rain comes down over your car it sounds like the world is ending. 

    -weird burrs will stick to your legs. you’ll flick them out of the car eighty or eight hundred miles from where their parent plant was grown, and not be sure whether you should wish the little hitchikers well or not. 

    -a dog wearing sunglasses with his head hanging out of a car window. this will be the high point of the trip. 

    -the world’s most depressing restaurant. you will know it when you wind up there and have to eat the terrible food, and listen to the terrible music, and look at all the listless waiters and want to tell them get in my car, for god’s sake get in, i’ll take you out of whatever crapsack little town this is that you can’t get out of on your own. but you won’t say that because it’s rude. maybe they have family here. maybe they even like it here.

    -a painting of a sailboat in a motel located at least a hundred miles from any significant body of water. 

    -several genuinely hilarious postcards. buy them.

    -a cat that will not let you pet it. this will be the low point of the trip. 

    -corn. so much corn you will get scared. who the fuck is going to eat all this corn? 

    -a small stream in some small woods and the light will come down perfectly and the water will be beautiful and the grass will be beautiful and there will be flowers maybe or the leaves of the trees are starting to turn gold and there are birds chirping and it will be so perfect you will want to stand there and stay forever and live in this little magical painting off the side of the highway and be some kind of highway druid. but instead, you’ll get bored after a while, and get back in the car. 

    zoobus

    strike was sparked after management maintained their demand to reduce funding for healthcare insurance under a new contract that would require workers to pay hundreds of dollars in monthly insurance premiums to maintain their current levels of health coverage

    madokamagicasecrets

    I legit thought the joke was that it was unfunny and nonsensical

    ruffboijuliaburnsides

    I'm... pretty sure that's not the punchline. I'm pretty sure the joke is just "lol random it's funny because you never expected it to be the most annoying 'well DUH' answer".

    no seriously i'm asking, not sarcastically but quite sincerely, what about this joke indicates in any way that it's about the afterlife? There's no reason to jump to that?

    Like, I don't always get shit but I think I'm RELATIVELY good at understanding neurotypical and I have not known a single NT person who jumped to that conclusion.

    peoasp

    @ruffboijuliaburnsides the tweeter is reading the joke is the chicken attempts to cross the road -> the chicken gets hit by a car, as animals on roads often do -> chicken gets to the “other side”, ie the afterlife

    ruffboijuliaburnsides

    I mean yeah, but what in the world prompted that jump from "crossing the road" to "getting hit by a car when there's not a single indication that's happened"???

    peoasp

    chickens are notorious idiots, and crossing the road while unaware is a great way to get hit by a car

    I think a lot of people see all the roadkill and assume any animal trying to cross a road is likely to get hit

    dingdongyouarewrong

    do you ever form close relationships with people in your dreams and then feel a little sad when you wake up

    dingdongyouarewrong

    i had a son in one of my dreams, he was 3 or 4, i loved him so much, i don’t remember his name but i remember loving him so much, and then i woke up and he was gone

    alittlewomble

    Hey um what the FUCk

    mumblesplash

    tldr: boy have i ever

    two-wizards-in-a-trench-coat

    mob murdering serizawa with autism

    bug-slappy

    “shishou, is it alright if i tell serizawa you are gay? he was wonderi-“

    “YES. YES YES NOW MOB NOW TELL HIM NOW”

    pearlescentpeonies

    [ID: a comic about Serizawa trying to ask Mob if Reigen is into guys.

    1: Mob and Serizawa sit side by side in a waiting room, each cradling a cup of tea between their hands. Serizawa, sweating, blushing, and looking nervously to the side, asks, “Can I ask you something?”

    Mob, seemingly serene, says, “Yes.”

    In the next panel, Serizawa’s hand hovers sheepishly by his face, as if to scratch his cheek nervously. “You’ve known Reigen for a while, right?”

    In the next panel, Mob takes a sip of his tea and hums affirmatively, “Hm.”

    Serizawa goes on, “Do you, uh -- know if -- “

    2: Serizawa wipes his sweaty palms on his trousers and continues, “If he likes, uh.”

    The next panel is zoomed out to make the two of them look small. Serizawa finishes into the empty air of the room, “Guys?”

    The next panel shows Mob again, who is now also sweating and blushing a little. He says, “Oh. Well.”

    The next panel is looking over the top of Mob’s head to represent his point of view. He’s contemplating Serizawa, who is now bright red and sweating even harder. Mob thinks, “He is a nice guy, but...”

    Mob is shown glancing up and to the side at his mental recollection of Reigen, who waves his hands around and emphasizes, “Listen, Mob. Never out someone without their consent.” He touches his own cheek thoughtfully.

    3. Mob stands and begins rooting through his pockets. He says, “I’m going to call him and ask.” Serizawa jolts and says, “Huh??”

    In the next panel, Mob flips open his phone and opens the door to leave. He looks at Serizawa and says, “I’ll be right back.”

    The next panel is a shot of Serizawa, frozen, smiling vacantly. The background is filled with question marks.

    Serizawa is left alone in the waiting room on the couch next to the potted plant as the door shuts with a “CLAC”.

    In the final panel, Serizawa is still smiling vacantly, but the background has turned flat black. His thoughts simply read, “I’m going to lose this job.”

    End ID]