Miss the gay world we knew before AIDS

    I miss the gay world we knew before AIDS and feel sorry for those who never experienced it. I was never much into the baths or bars but truck stops were another story. Horny truckers and an 18 year old looking for all the cum he could find made for many great nights where I never had to wait long before being invited by a trucker to the cab of his truck where I would either suck him off or have my brains fucked out. Yeah I could have gotten a VD and there was always the risk of getting in the truck with a nut case but that was part of the excitement. Most of the men I sucked off were not gay but were just horney. As soon as they shot their load it was understood that I would get up and go. There were a few gay truckers that asked me to stay longer and before the night was over I always found one interested in sucking me off as well. I did have a few glory holes that I vsited on occasion and while I enjoyed having men I did not know cum in my mouth, it is always more enjoyable when you can look them in the eyes as  you blow them. 

    Now I still have sex with men I do not know but only on rare occasions and Aids is always in the back of my mind. A blow job through a condom is just not the same and although I do not mind being fucked with a condom it is not the same for me unless a heavy load of cum is left in me. Maybe I should not feel sorry for the younger generation as they know no world but the one where safe sex is always on their mind. Unlike some of us, they do not fully understand what they are missing and how good things used to be. I guess it is the same for younger smokers as they did not grow up in the world I did where smoking was acceptable and there were very few places you could not smoke. 

    Why I prefer blowjobs given by men.

    I have always played both sides of he field but when it comes to blowjobs men are so much better at it than women. The reason is simple:  a woman will give you a blow job because she knows you like it even if she gets little pleasure from it, but a man will give you a blowjob because he just loves sucking your dick. 

    From hot young stud to oldest daddy in the bar

    Not that long ago, I could put on my cowboy boots and hat and with my southern drawl head to the bars knowing that I was not going to spend the night alone. Before long it seemed that I had become a daddy bear and while the choices were slimmer, I knew my chances of finding company for the night were still pretty good. Now I find myself often the oldest daddy in the bar and the choices often very limited.

    Saturday night was different as I found a cute twenty something stud who after a few drinks went home with me. I had barely let him in the house before I was going down on his dick and enjoying every last inch of it. I might be old but I got off two loads in him before the night was over and proud to say I took one of his loads down the throat and two in the ass. I tried for a third but while I got it up, could not shoot at all. Age it seems does put limits on us.

      Went last night back to the bar and a friend told me that my date for Saturday said that he had only gone with me because he felt sorry for me and hoped that if he made it to my age some stud would do the same for him. I guess that was suppose to make me feel bad but Hell I do not care why he went to bed with me. I enjoyed fucking the shit out of his ass more than any I have had in a long time and his dick up my ass felt great. I wish more young studs followed his example as I will gladly accept their pity suck and fuck. Anything beats having to come home from the bar and jack off alone. So if you are an old daddy bear like me do not give up hope, and if you are a young stud, think about spending a night with one of us old dudes as I guarantee you that it will mean more to us than going to bed with a cute young stud that night would mean to you. 

    Why did we have to hide?

    I look all around me and I see all these young gays proudly walking arm in arm with their lovers and barely anyone notices. Am I jealous? Hell yah, I want to know why in the hell I had to spend most of my life in a closet. I know why I was in the closet as in high school I would have gotten the shit beat out of me, the army would have kicked me out and a group of my fellow soldiers probably would have beaten the shit out of me before doing it. Later I never would have gotten my job if my boss had known I was gay. Like most of my gay brothers and sisters, I had lovers in the bedroom, but in public we had to hide who we were. 

    Yes I know that in some big cities things were different, but I grew up in small town America where everyone knew everyone and everyone was expected to act one way. I saw what happened when a local man was caught with another man. He lost his job, his friends, most of his family, and ended up putting a rope around his own neck and ending his pain. His former best friend told my father after he had done it, that he did the world a favor. I had my first sex with my uncle and I loved it but a part of me always felt like there was something wrong with me. My uncle had a reputation as a ladies man in town and I soon learned that was the only way he could survive. He had a small group of friends that he would hook up with for the night and then he would spend the next day telling everyone about the woman he had met in the city and fucked her brains out.

    Even when things began to change, I could not come out of that damn closet. I have been out to my family and close friends for a few years now but there are still many in my home town that do not know. When I went home for Christmas my partner went with me and we told everyone that he was seeing my sister. 

    I envy todays young gays. They are out and proud. Why did a group of narrow minded bigots have to ruin what should have been the best years of my life. I will carry the burden they put on me the rest of my life. When we went to San Francisco last month, for the first time we walked hand in hand down the street and although I noticed no one staring at us, and yes I looked, I kept thinking “what if I meet someone from back home.” I will never be free of that demon. Nothing can change the past so I am learning to deal with it. I just hope the younger gays out there realize how lucky they are to have been born when they were and hopefully they will never have the scars inside them that so many of us older gay men carry with us. 

    For me the rewards outweigh the risks

    I smoke a pipe. No one needs to tell me about the dangers of smoking as I know the risks. What can we do today that does not have risks? Our food is covered with chemicals that are harmful, being overweight is harmful, eating too much fat, or sugar, or salt, etc  is harmful. I enjoy smoking and I accept the risks. May be if by not smoking I could live forever I might give it up, but no matter what we do, we will all eventually die. My grandfather smoked a pipe every day and in fact except when he was eating, I cannot remember a time when his pipe was not in his mouth and he lived to be 89, while his nonsmoking brother died from cancer when he was 41. 

    I have sex with men and there is always a risk of getting HIV or another STD. I love having sex and while most of the time it is with men I know well, there have been a few times when I have met someone in the park or in a bar and ended up having sex with them. I do practice safe sex when it is someone I do not know well, but it is still risky, but it brings me great pleasure so I do it. Straight men face the same risks although the HIV risk is not as high for them as it is for us, it is still there. They have the added danger of an unwanted pregnancy which I never have to worry about. 

    My weight is perfect but I do eat red meat and a lot of food that according to the experts is not good for me. I also drink alcohol on occasion but I never drive after even one drink. I get pleasure out of eating a thick steak, a side order of nachos with a cold beer and so I order them.

    Life is about choices but living forever is not one of them. I could live my life in a bubble, eating only greens but one day I would still die. For me life is a journey and I need to get as much enjoyment as I can out of it before my time is up. Others may not agree with my choices but I have been given only one life to live and I am going to live it doing what I like doing best, so until they close the lid on my casket, I don’t plan on changing anything.

    Why am I drawn to pipe men?

    I have always been attracted to pipe smokers. I guess in part it was because my father who I deeply respected and loved was a pipe smoker but it is more than that. Pipe smoking is something men do. Women smoke cigarettes but not pipes. I have never been attracted to feminine  looking men. I want to be with a man who looks, dresses, and acts like a man. When a man smokes a pipe it is a sign to me that he is in fact a man. 

    I remember years ago watching Bonanza and was somewhat attracted to Hoss but when I saw his father smoking a pipe on the show I must have jacked off a dozen times over the next few days dreaming of being in bed with him. In the same line of thought, I am also attracted to men who smoke cigars,  dip or chew tobacco. Again that is something women generally do not do. Over the years I have gone to bed with or just sucked off a number of men who I was attracted to simply because they were pipe smokers and one of my greatest turn ons is to have a man smoke his pipe as I suck him off or having a man suck me off while I smoke mine. I have been to bed with many men over the years who were not pipe smokers, but that is because I found them very attractive because of their bodies whereas many of the pipe smokes I have bedded down not because I found their body overly attractive as in some cases their bodies were not that great, but all I saw as I sucked them off was the pipe they had been smoking. 

    I almost never jack off unless I am smoking my pipe. You could call it a smoking fetish but then I do not smoke cigarettes and do not jack off thinking about cigarette smokers, but do to the thought of a man with a dip in as I suck him off or fuck him. so it is a fetish with limits.  There are those who say they cannot stand the smell of pipe tobacco or the way it makes a pipe smoker’s clothes smell, but I will take the aroma of a pipe on a man’s clothes any day over the sent of women's perfume that so many gay men today cover themselves with. You see, I want a man who also smells like a hardworking man, not a gardenia blossom.  

    I am a gay man, not a man who wants to be a woman but a man.

    I am a man who also likes men. I have never wanted to be a woman, wear woman’s clothes, or act like a woman. I like to go hunting with my buddies, fishing and going to ball games. Most of the men who go with me are not gay, they are just my friends who accept me for me. I have never been attracted to gay men who act like a woman. I have been with a woman and if I wanted to be with a woman I would find a woman not some dude pretending to be one. I am not saying that is the wrong way to act, it just is not for me. I smoke a pipe, some people smoke cigarettes and others do not smoke at all. It is a choice we all make based upon what gives us pleasure and whether it is smoking my pipe or having sex with a man, I do them because they give me great pleasure. 

     I do not attend gay rallies, although I have in the past. I do not dress in rainbow colors or announce to the world that I am gay. There are people that work with me that do not know that I smoke and some that do not know that I am gay. I tell those I want to know and if the others find out that is okay but they did not hear it from me. I have no desire to have sex with children or molest a drunken friend. I do not have sex 24/7 although a part of me might wish that I could. 

    Being gay, being a hunter, smoking a pipe are all a part of me and no single thing dominates who I am. There are people who judge me on all of these things and in the past it bothered me until a friend told me that he did not smoke, did not hunt, and was not gay and people still judged him. 

    I believe in God, go to church and try to be a good person. Most in my church know that I am gay and some judge me more for smoking a pipe than being gay so I guess gays have come a long way. Some of them find smoking repulsive and I am sure some find my being gay repulsive, and while they may think it and say it to others, most of the members of my church treat me with respect and that is all I ask. I am in the end a man no better than those around me and no worse. You can be my friend and never smoke, never go hunting, or never have sex with a man, as I will like you for you and respect you for it, I only ask that you do the same for me.  

    What my Uncle taught me-Part 3 Regrets

    After I had told my uncle that he could invite any of his friends to join us for sex, there had been several that had accepted the offer. A few I had been attracted to right from the start and one or two that while I was not attracted to them, I had faked it for my uncle’s sake. They were not bad people and they were clean, they were just not the kind of men that I like. 

    When he told me that he had invited Coach J to join us I was a little excited as he had been my math teacher in the 7th grade and also my coach. He was always very strict on us in class and while most of the girls were in love with him because of his good looks, most of the boys hated him because he was so hard on us. I beat off several times that week just thinking about him coming over. I had seen his dick once when we went into the locker room and he took a piss and the thought that I would now get the chance to suck it was overwhelming. 

    Saturday night arrived and he came dressed all in leather. I got a hard on as soon as he walked in. Most of my uncle’s friends asked me to call them by their first name so I assumed that coach J would be the same but when I tried to call him Bob, he told me that I was a fucking faggot and that I was to call him sir and only address him when he spoke to me. I waited for my uncle to say something but he was already sitting in his chair stroking his meat and said nothing. Coach J soon had me on my knees but before I could suck on him I had to lick his boots and then run my tongue up his leather pants. This was a side of gay life I had never seen and I was a little shocked as all he did was talk down to me and tell me what a worthless faggot I was. 

     Finally I got to suck on his dick and it was larger than my uncle’s and uncut. He was my first uncut dick so I was excited by that but suddenly he made me stop and told me that I didn't know how to such a dick right. He told me to jack off in his hand which I did although it seemed odd that he would want it in his hand and not his mouth or ass. He looked at it a moment, took a small taste and then told me to lick my cum off his hand. I had never tasted my own cum, but by this point I was scared to tell him no. The taste was not bad as I had swallowed a lot of cum in the last two months but this was my own. (I must admit that ever since that night I have swallowed my own many times and now find some perverted pleasure in it.)

    He made me get in a doggy position and he mounted me which at first was okay even though he was calling me a dirty faggot and that he owned my boy pussy but suddenly he grabbed my hair and started barking orders as he pulled my head back. My uncle and his friends had always been gentle when fucking me as they knew I was just getting use to it but not coach J.  He started ramming it in hard and then his hands were around my neck as he told me to move my pussy ass back and fuck his dick. Several times he cut off my wind to the point that I got dizzy. I am not sure how he got me turned around as it seemed as if I blacked out for a moment, but when I looked up he had me on my back and he was pounding my ass from the front. I had never been fucked that way and the pain was intense and made worse by the fact that he continued to choke me. I tried to struggle and realized that my hands were cuffed behind my back. I tried to scream for him to stop but he stuffed a rag in my mouth. I blacked out a time or two again before he finally shot his load and pulled out of me.  He turned me over, took off the cuffs and told me that he loved filling my tight ass with his cum.  As I got up. it felt like my ass had been torn apart and I noticed there was some blood on the sheets. That had never happened to me before. 

    I remember looking over at my uncle who patted him on the back and told him that it was so hot he had shot his load before it was over. Coach J looked over at the blood and told my uncle that he might want to get me some antibiotics just in case. I was relieved when coach J told him he couldn't’  stay any longer as he had to get home. I do not know if I would have survived another fucking. He did kiss me before he left and told me I would make a great slave and if I ever wanted to take the job to give him a call. After he was gone, I told my uncle that I would never do it with coach J again. He explained that part of the gay world to me and told me that it was not for everyone, but that he loved to jack off watching it. Over the years I have had some friends that were into that side of it, but not me. It was two weeks before I could have anal sex again and even now the memory of that night is quite vivid for me. I love being gay and the gay lifestyle, but some parts of it I do not understand, and they are just not for me.

    What my Uncle taught me Part 2

    My uncle and I had been having sex for a month or two and he had begun talking about having one of his friend join us. I was excited thinking about doing it with another man but a little nervous as well. After talking about several of his friends some that I knew and some that I did not know, he ended up asking his friend Dave to join us.

    Dave was about 10 years older than my uncle so he had to be around 45 and his hair although still red was starting to grey at the edges. I had known him for several years as his daughter was a year ahead of me in school. He still worked out at the YMCA several days a week so he was in nice shape. Before he arrived my uncle told me that Dave was smaller than we were and not to mention the size of his dick to him and that he was a rapid shooter. I had to ask him what he meant and he said that I should not touch his meat until he told me to as after a few strokes he would cum. 

    I had thought that the three of us would have sex together but my uncle said he wanted to watch. The first thing I really liked about Dave was that he was a great kisser. My uncle would kiss me but it was always a few quick kisses on the lips and that was it, but Dave shot me his tongue right away and I liked him kissing on my neck. My uncle was a little hairy but nothing like Dave. He was a solid mass of fur from his neck all the way down and I loved running my fingers through his mass of back hairs. He sucked on my nipples which was something my uncle almost never did and that drove me wild. He soon moved down and sucked me off and then told me to do the same to him. I had seen his dick when we undressed but a lot of men look small when it is not hard but even hard it was not over 4 inches long and while wide, it was not as wide as my uncle’s. After the shock that it was in fact very small, I actually liked being able to go all the way down on him and he had a man smell about him that I loved. Just as my uncle had said I had not gone down on him more than a few times when he shot his load. I was surprised that as small as he was his load was huge. I almost chocked trying to swallow it all.

    My uncle came right over, his dick standing straight up. I was ready for the fucking of my life but then Dave turned over on his belly. My uncle quickly mounted him and I was hurt as I wanted him fucking me. I guess he saw the hurt and anger in my eyes because he called me over and told me that his next load belonged to me and he kissed me, not like he normally did but a deep passionate kiss. I realized that he had been really turned on watching another man with me and I would have done anything he asked to keep him happy so later I told him that anyone he wanted to bring over was fine with me. I would soon come to regret telling him that.

    What my uncle taught me

    I knew from an early age that I was attracted to men. I tried to hide it as best I could because I was sure my family especially my father would never accept it, but once I reached my teens it was all I thought about. One man dominated my thoughts and he was my uncle. He had been married but she had left him and the family blamed her hurting him so bad for the reason he had never had a serious relationship with another woman. He had many dates as he was built like an athlete and everyone said his smile could melt ice, but he never seemed to date the same woman more than a week or two. 

     He often took me fishing and hunting and more than once I found myself getting a hard on just watching him. I had just turned 16 and after we came back from a day of deer hunting he told me that I could have a beer but not to let my dad know about it. One beer soon became 4 or 5 and to top it off he let me smoke one of his cigars. I felt so grown up. I normally slept upstairs but he said he was afraid that being half drunk I would fall down the stairs so he said I should sleep downstairs with him. 

    I got into bed before he did as I had a hard on and I did not want him to see it. He got into bed and soon was asleep. I kept staring at his hairy chest imagining what his dick must look like. I slowly pulled back the covers and there it was semi erect, poking out of his boxers. I touched it and then drew my hand back checking to see if he had woke up. He continued to snore and I stroked his meat several times before the lust had taken over and I had to have it in my mouth. I had dreamed about this moment for so long that I could not stop myself. I am sure it was the alcohol that gave me the nerve to do it, but deep inside I knew that I wanted it more than I wanted anything else.

    I still remember the smell and the taste of it as I put the head of it in my mouth. I had planned a quick lick or two and then stop but my lust took over. I took it all the way down and was glad that it soon was fully erect. I stopped once and again his snoring reassured me. I wondered if he could cum while he was asleep and that became my goal. I am not sure how many times I had gone down on him before I suddenly felt his hands come down on the top of my head.

    He pushed my head all the way down on his dick all the while telling me to suck the shit out of his dick. Soon he was fucking me hard and fast in the mouth and every groan he made excited me even more. He began telling me how good it felt and that he wanted me to swallow all of his fucking load. A moment later he came in several large bursts and I did as I was told. It was salty but I loved it. He then had me jack off in his mouth and when I was finished he kissed me and told me he had often fantasized about doing it with me. 

    I soon learned that he had a few men that he would get together with when he could. Like me he had hidden who he really was from the family. As time went on we made love many times. He was the first man to fuck me in the ass and while it took a number of times before it did not hurt like hell, knowing that I had his cum in my ass was something I was very proud of. Even after I was grown and had moved far away we would still get together for a weekend of fishing or hunting and sex several times a year. He taught me  a lot about making love to a man and to this day I have strong feelings for him and the special time we spent together. A friend told me once that my uncle was wrong because I was only 16, but I told him that I was the aggressor and my uncle had said that even though he had wanted to sleep with me, he never would have made the first move. I am so glad that I made it and I know alcohol can be bad but the first time I got drunk it gave me the strength to do what I never would have had the courage to do and I have never regretted my decision. 

    First pipe

    My father was a pipe smoker. I was 15 when I went out back to smoke a cigarette which I did every day after school. I was 15 at the time and had just taken my last puff, when I turned to find my father looking at me. 

    Well I was sure I was going to get my ass beat good by him, but he looked at me and said that if I wanted to smoke he did not care. From then on, I smoking in front of him and before long he asked if I wanted to try one of his pipes. It was his Peterson bulldog pipe and he filled it for me. I had always loved the look and shape of that pipe and thought my dad looked liked a real man when he smoked it. He taught me how to light a pipe let it go out and the relight it. From my first time, I knew that the pipe was for me. 

    Dad passed away years ago and I got his pipes after he passed. I keep them in a rack on my wall and every once in a while I will take one of his pipes down and smoke it. His bulldog pipe is still my favorite and when I smoke it, I think of him and smile.