@physicsforbunnies
Physics for Bunnies

Ph.D. in open quantum systems  ◇ ig: @marikarp_ ◇ twitter: @mariaminuszero // Particle Physics, Astrophysics, Quantum Mechanics

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461
Last update
2020-03-03 13:25:58

    Do not create a deity; a godless sky will not forgive you the thought-corruptive blasphemy and blindness of staring into the endless beginning of contradiction and measuring it with human clock. Deep roots of the unknown tangle and weave stars and planets in the spacetime fabric that stares right back at you from the immeasurable distance of the first soundless explosion. Do not create a deity: the Thing itself knows you are there (a miracle, you are there) where no god would care to see you. A part of all, the same sacred grain-sized pointless point shattered and scattered in the multitude that looks back at itself within itself.

    a cosmic poem, @physicsforbunnies

    theogonia

    I am ashamed of my poor language and my shallow self-expression.

    I am ashamed of the awkwardness of my movements and facial expressions.

    I am ashamed of my teeth and the sound of my voice.

    I am ashamed for not understanding what people say.

    I am ashamed for the rage and bitterness and untrust I have towards others.

    I am ashamed for not being able to show my love.

    I am ashamed for not being able to show how much I suffer.

    I am ashamed of having no ability to focus.

    I am ashamed of having no passions.

    I am ashamed of being unable to put my feelings into words.

    I am ashamed of having no feelings.

    I am ashamed for not loving my mum.

    I am ashamed for not behaving like an adult.

    I am ashamed of being scared of people.

    I am ashamed about being scary.

    I am ashamed of my cold, sweaty hands.

    I am ashamed for always wasting my time.

    I am ashamed of having been patient with people who used me.

    I am ashamed of having loved people who didn’t love me.

    I am ashamed for saying stupid things.

    I am ashamed for not knowing what to say.

    I am ashamed for having been cruel to my younger self.

    I am ashamed for having lost time waiting.

    I am ashamed of being ridiculous and having been ridiculed.

    I am ashamed for having so much shame.

    I am ashamed for being stupid.

    I am ashamed for being weak.

    I am ashamed for being the one who cared the most.

    I am ashamed for not caring.

    I am ashamed for having avoided people I will never get back.

    I am ashamed for not trusting myself.

    I am ashamed for not loving myself.

    I am ashamed for hiding.

    I am ashamed for having been a coward.

    physicsforbunnies

    Remember to lean in your shame, put it into words, look it in the eyes until it dissipates. And never give up.

    anonymous

    What do you think of who is behind with their studies?? Like have you ever had friends or colleagues struggling and taking longer that normal?? I had problem with my studies because of dyslexia and I’m older than anyone else also depression and these kind of fields are so competitive and I feel always judged and hopeless and just old and with no real possibilities.... congratulations on your phd :))

    Let me tell ya, I know many people who didn’t complete their studies within the ‘normal’ amount of years. In physics, I would say those who did were a minority. I myself finished my studies two years later than I was supposed to. Still got into a PhD. It’s true, it’s an insanely competitive field and it’s never easy. But I think you have to keep in mind that the science world is a bit different than undergrad/graduate courses, being older doesn’t really matter. What matters is the quality of your work. And comparing yourself to others won’t be very helpful to you. I lost one year due to depression, another to laziness and procrastination (and self doubt, and all of that). I think what got me through is what my high school math teacher once said to me: “the drop will dig into the rock”. Do all you can, but do it. Best of luck!