wheel of time characters as onion headlines
Rand al'Thor: Man on Cusp of Having Fun Suddenly Remembers Every Single One of His Responsibilities
Mat Cauthon: I Fucked My Way into this Mess, and I'll Fuck My Way Out
Perrin Aybara: Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good for this World, Too Pure
Egwene al'Vere: Area Woman Not Yelling at You, She's Just Saying
Moiraine Damodred: Area Woman Not Listened To Again
Elayne Trakand: Report: Area Woman Has Best Friends in Entire World
Nynaeve al'Meara: Relaxing Tea Better Fucking Work
Lan al'Mandragoran: Area Loner to Dwell on Past
Gawyn Trakand: "Man Always Carries Gun in Case he Needs to Escalate Situation
Siuan Sanche: Zing! I Just Got You with Another One of My Trademark "Complete Lies"
Aviendha: True Courage is Knowing You're Wrong but Refusing to Admit It
Faile Bashere: Relationship Not a Power Struggle, Woman Who's Winning Reports
Loial: Area Man a Walking Encyclopedia of Everything Except Leading a Normal Life
Min Farshaw: You Learn Something New and Depressing Every Day
me, watching a battle scene: please not the horses. leave them alone. they did nothing wrong. they are the only innocent ones. they don’t deserve this.
honestly this used to upset me a lot as a kid until my mom, who’s worked with horses for many years, told me about how they train the horses in those movies to do things like falling down, kneeling, crawling, or stay laying on the ground after they fall. and how it’s so tough to train a prey animal to do these behaviors and how hard both trainer and horse have to work. so now whenever i see a horse take a hit and go down in a movie, i just think “fucking superb you funky little horse actor”
This perspective made my life 3000% better
Steinbeck, drinking tea: pls leaf water...sage my body of the demons of my past...steam my colon...let me know peace
Steinbeck, drinking coffee: I beg of u bean juice...cleanse me of the curse of sleep...make my heart beat like a tribal drum in ceremony...let me conquer this building
Lyanna: His name is Aegon Targaryen.
Lyanna: Promise me, Ned.
Ned: Fuck that stupid name. His name is Jon.
me before working out: i dont wanna do this
me while working out: I D O N T W A N N A D O T H I S
me after working out: WOW, i am simply phenomenal. every drop of blood running through my veins is graced with the ichor of the gods, i am an olympic athlete
What Jedi say: Emotions lead down a dark path.
What Jedi mean: Calm your tits before you hurt somebody.
What Jedi say: The Force shall reveal the time for action.
What Jedi mean: Nah.
What Jedi say: I sense darkness in you.
What Jedi mean: Hey, asshole.
What Jedi say: The Force works in mysterious ways.
What Jedi mean: That's the worst question I've ever heard.
What Jedi say: I will meditate on your words.
What Jedi mean: Go fuck yourself.
When you don't know anything about linguistics: The plural of "memorandum" is "memoranda", why can't people get it right
When you know a little about linguistics: The plural of "memorandum" should just be "memorandums" because that's how people naturally say it, "memoranda" is just prescriptivism
When you know a lot about linguistics: Oh my god? So certain English words borrowed from Latin and Greek have competing plural forms, with one form using the English plural -s and the other using a borrowed Latin or Greek form? Do you realize how crazy that is - a language borrowing *inflectional morphology* from another language? And here the two competing plural forms have become markers of education, expertise, and social class, isn't that incredible?
When you have a degree in linguistics and dgaf anymore: memorandibles
reasons people think i give and recommend they read certain books: so that they can enjoy them and gain a sense of fulfilment
actual reasons I give and recommend people read books: so that they suffer, because I have suffered, in solitude, unable to find peace till the day when my pain dwells in another and they look at me, knowingly, with a look of crestfallen understanding as they too have felt the sharp twist of those words upon their souls and it brings me the slightest of comforts in these bleak times
Medical droid: I mean the bad news is we did literally pull him from a volcano so his limbs are pretty fucked and he can't breathe right but the good news is we reckon we can sort that with a suit and a mask to get him extra oxygen
Palpatine: Okay cool. See while you're doing that, can you put a voice changer in it?
Medical droid: What
Palpatine: He sounds like a whiny little bitch I need you to make his voice deeper so people will take him seriously
Medical droid: I mean we could try but-
Palpatine: How are you gonna fix his limbs
Medical droid: We thought standard prosthetics would-
Palpatine: Make him 7 feet tall
Medical droid: ...right
Palpatine: Give him a cape