I assume you are here because you are interested in adopting a Female Led Relationship and are asking yourself where to start. This note is for Dominant ladies whose husbands have agreed to take a submissive role.
First of all you need to decide what you want out of the relationship. The relationship from here on in is all about you. You are taking on the Head of the Household role that a man traditionally holds. That is to say, you will make all decisions relating to the house and your lifestyle including money and how you spend your time. The Head of the Household has the right and is required to make the rules. Form here on your husband will be serve you and if you do it right will treat you like the goddess you deserve to be.
In order to be the Head of the Household there are certain qualities that are required. Generally speaking, women make great HoH as they are smarter and tougher than men. They also have the ability to multitask which, provided they are intelligent, strong and dominant they are as HoH far superior to their male counterparts.
I consider myself to be an intelligent strong woman. I know what I want and I like to be in charge. After years of putting up with poor behaviour from my husband that left me feeling somewhere between neglected and amazed at my husband’s stupidity, something had to change. This is when I found the concept of a Female Led Relationship (FLR). I realised that if what I read was true, I could turn my husband into a considerate, loving and attentive husband who places my needs above all others. It also turns out that I love being in control and being able to dominate my husband.
It has taken a lot of work to get here, but now we are here, the results are amazing. Your husband will be grateful and willing to attend to your every wim. Here’s what you need to do. Please don’t confuse my submissive husband with a weak man, he is a gladiator in the boardroom managing hundreds of people. submissive men who wish to be dominated by their wife are actually immensely strong. It takes a great deal of self-control and will to become a subservient man.
First of all decide what YOU want and how in an ideal world you would like your husband to act. Guess what, if you do this right it is about to become an ideal world! All you need to do is devote around 5 to 10 minutes a day closely monitoring your husband and the results will be AMAZING. I find being Dominant both enjoyable and sexually gratifying. I am sure if you are genuinely a Dominant person you will too.
Let me explain what I mean. I have no interest in competing with his work or his friends. I want him to put my needs above all others, take care of our family (including himself) and sexually satisfy me. Since starting I have gradually been passing him all of the errands and chores which I dislike, and he has gratefully taking them. He now shops, cooks and cleans for the family. And, as a by-product of having changed his ways, he has lost stones in weight.
You see some very complicated systems where women produce contracts they have their husbands sign setting out various rules that must be obeyed. I am sure it works for them, but I think it’s a complicated way of going about things. I instead I suggest you start off by setting a short list of things your husband is prohibited from doing unless it is specifically authorised by you. I demand from my sub:
- No masturbation (this is very important as it focuses him. Once he orgasms he loses focus for 24-48 hours. Also, it is for me to decide when he is allowed, not him).
- Never raise his voice to you and certainly no back talking or arguing with you.
- No spending above a daily limit of say $5-10 without permission
- No drinking unless given permission
- Strict curfew
As I say you will need to decide what works for you need to decide but let me outline my setup.
Most mornings before we leave to get the kids to school and hubby goes to work etc, I have him kneel before me and I give him his instructions for the day. I tell him what I expect of him. These instructions may be errands I want him to run, pick up groceries or laundry that needs to be done. I may tell him that I want a foot massage that night or that I will be spanking him if he is due one. If he has neglected me or has otherwise disappointed me, I will lecture him during this time. At the end of the instructions and/or lecture I will ask him to confirm he understands and he will thank me.
You need to decide how you are going to address your husband. You need to differentiate a normal two-way conversation between husband and wife. These sessions are not conversations, this is the Dominant HoH addressing the submissive or sub for short. You are telling him how his behaviour has disappointed you or how you would like him to act in the future or what he will do that day to serve you. Remember, is not a conversation he is not to speak unless you ask him a question. I choose to have my husband kneel on the floor whilst I remain standing, this is a sign of subservience and respect. You could place a chair in the centre of the room which he sits on whilst you remain standing. It is important that you remain standing so that you are at a higher level to him as you are addressing him as he is superior. At the end of each lecture or instruction makes sure he thanks you for guiding him. If he doesn’t graciously thank you, he will deserve a lower end punishment. I will come onto this shortly.
I digress slightly, I am sure you will by now have noticed that Dominant is with a capital D as a sign of respect and the submissive is with a small s. I now write my husband’s name (apart from on official documents obviously) in lowercase as a silent reminder of his subservience. Whilst on the subject of names, the submissive is usually expected to refer to the Dominant as Mistress, Madam or M’am. However, as we practice our FLR privately this is not really practical and I therefore only expect him to address me as Madam when he is kneeling, being punished or we are in bed. When we are alone he now uses Madam as a sign of respect and I think this is a nice touch. You will need to instruct your husband how is to address you and when. I recommend you do insist on your husband addressing you formally at least in private as the respect is an important part of the dynamic.
Anyway, back our setup. My husband finishes work at around 6pm and it takes him approximately 30 minutes to drive home from work. I therefore insist he is home at no later than 6:45 pm unless I have allowed him to stay out later. Sometimes it is pre-agreed that he may have a night out with his buddies or sometimes he might SMS me during the day to ask for permission. Often I agree, but sometimes for no particular reason I just say no. Is he pleased about it, well of course not, but I am asserting my rights as the HoH and showing my Dominance over him. It goes without saying that he still thanks me for considering his request. This curfew is to be respected regardless of the reason, there is no excuse whatsoever. Bad traffic, is ‘too bad’, he should have left earlier and he will still pay the price. I also don’t care if he has to work late he will still receive the full force of my discipline if he is late. Strangely enough he doesn’t seem to care so much about the ‘so urgent work that could not wait’ before, now that he knows he will pay the price for staying late. The key to making this work and a happy submissive is zero tolerance.
My husband has a weekly allowance of $50 which I give to him in cash as pocket money and he is free to spend it as he pleases. Beyond this he is not allowed to spend a single cent or use an ATM or credit card unless I have specifically agreed. I ask him each evening how much has spent and check all the bank statements as they arrive. Ideally, I would have him give me all the money so that I could hold it, but on a practical level he needs access. After all, how could he pick up groceries every day without $$$!
Now my husband likes to drink. There is nothing he like more that meeting his buddies at the bar to drink and watch sports. Whilst that works for him, it does nothing for me. So, I have entirely banned hard liquor as it makes him drunk and argumentative, but I do still allow him to drink beers and wine. But, I have limited him to one drink a day unless I specifically authorise more. When giving him permission to drink I will almost always set a limit. I do always insist on him bringing a copy of his bar tab home with him so that I can count the number of beers. It does not escape me that if I was to implement the Dom/sub dynamic to the full extent, then he would not be allowed out at all he would be at home cleaning or doing laundry etc. But I love my husband and want him to be happy too, this makes me happy, so I still let him go out but in my terms.
Every evening I will question my husband on whether he has spent money and if so ask for the receipts, whether he has jacked off, how if he has been drinking and the quantity and ask him to update me on any errands he was to run. Depending on his responses I will either praise him or dish out an immediate punishment. Sometimes, this can only be a discreet interim punishment as the kids are around or we have guests, but I advise him of what he will be getting in the days to come. If you do defer a punishment it is imperative that you do deliver, as failure to do so will send you right off track.
As I say above it is important that he does not masturbate. But, all men masturbate unless you monitor them closely. If I find out that he has jacked off without permission he is punished (relatively harshly) and if it happens again within say a few weeks then he goes into his chastity cage for at least a week, which he hates. They are pretty uncomfortable things and prevent him from weeing without sitting down, but too bad if he can’t be trusted not to play with it, it gets locked away.
In the early days, my husband was breaking the rules and making inadvertent slip ups that earnt him regular punishments. If I had to put a number on it I would say 3 or more times a week, but two years on they are more like once or twice a month. He probably gets more Dominance spankings than punishment ones now. Occasionally he still has bad runs, but don’t worry he learns the error of his ways! Actually, he recently had one of the most severe ever as I caught him DUI. On the other hand I have also made mistakes in letting things slide and I promise you as if magic all the rules start being broken.
So you have set out the rules and you expect him to follow them. Will he? Of course not, well not at first anyway. You will need to enforce these rules. I know I am labouring the point now, but you must remember NEVER let anything slide. Not one little thing, not ever. If you do, you are wasting your time and his, this will fail. If you ignore an infraction your darling husband will take that as a message that whatever he has done is acceptable and you are ok with it. If he steps out of line he must be punished. As Head of the Household this is now your responsibility to deliver swift justice.
I am sure this is all quite alien to you, so I will try and guide you as best I can. In order to do this you will need to get some tools to work with, simply a slap on the butt will not do the trick. In fact that is more likely to turn him on than discourage him from repeating the offence. The punishments must be suitably unpleasant in order to deter him for doing it again.
In order to get you started I suggest getting some English school canes, a large heavy as you can find hardwood paddle, a long handled bath scrubber and a heavy hairbrush again heavy as you can find. You can task your husband with getting these things together for you. You will also need bars of soap and liquid soap. Now let me explain…
When it comes to punishing your husband, the punishment will need to fit the crime, that is to say the more his actions displease or upset you the more severe the punishment. Repeat infractions should receive relatively serious punishment. If you find your husband is repeating the same undesirable behaviour in a relatively short period of time, I would suggest you have not done your job properly the first time.
First of all physical punishment. You are going to need to use your discretion as to the severity and intensity of the punishment. Your instinct will be to go light as you don’t want to seriously hurt him and he will be making his discomfort known and quite possibly at high volume. However, men are not easily hurt and can take a lot, the thrashing you give should leave bruising that last for days if not a week. Don’t be afraid to do it again the same or next day if it apparent you have not done enough. It is your prerogative. For some serious infractions I have been known to thrash him several days in a row on his already bruised butt. If afterwards he is not in discomfort for at least 48 hours and there is not much bruising then you have gone too light. If you feel tired stop and have him stand in the corner with his hands on his head until you are ready to resume.
The art of a punishment spanking is to administer a sound spanking to the point you are absolutely sure he is in distress, he may be sweating, breathing heavily and possibly even crying. If you can get him to cry you are doing it right. The level is going to vary from person to person and vary depending on the implement being used, but for my husband is usually around 100 or so swats with the hairbush or 50 with the bath scrubber (much nastier). His butt cheeks should be hot and scarlet red with a matt white finish and should be starting to bruise. If not carry on. When I have been really angry I given hundreds of swats. He will beg you to stop, you simply tell him he should have thought about stopping when he was doing whatever it was he is now being punished for and carry on. You can’t do any serious damage to his butt, so better to go too far than too light. Once you are satisfied he has been properly spanked you move the next stage. This is NOT the point you stop, you have just entered the ‘punishment zone’ every stroke will be unbearable and that is precisely the point. Everything you have done up until now has been bearable, in other words no harm done. Now is the time to have him thank you for the spanking and you deliver your lecture and tell him how disappointed you are etc etc. Next you bring out the cane or the paddle and give him a good number of strokes which he should be counting and thanking you for. One, thank you Madam. Two, thank you Madam and so on.
Again, you will need to decide how many strokes of the cane or swats of the paddle you are going to give. The English who are the masters of the cane administer 12 at full force. I would suggest this as a minimum and for serious or repeat infractions I would go for several sets of 12 making him stand in the corner in between sets. If you try and go higher than 12 at a time he will just move and shout. It is much better to deliver more over a staggered period of time. The DUI incident that I mentioned above resulted in a severe spanking and 72 cane strokes given over an hour at 10 minute intervals. With a set of paddle swats to finish up. I am relatively confident there will be no further DUI in the future.
I am not going to go into the technique of using the cane or paddle there is plenty of advice and videos online. But I will just highlight the importance of using all he force you can muster and that you must well cover the bottom two thirds of his butt and the back of his thighs in order to ensure discomfort when sitting and walking.
You are likely to come up against a number of issues such as how to keep him in position and not screaming so loud the neighbours two blocks down can hear him. As for the first you must order him to stay in position and if he moves take the stroke or swat again and again if necessary. After the third time have him in the corner to recover and then start from the beginning. You can also tie him down, but I have never needed to do this. As for the screaming, you can invest in a gag (I only use it for serious correction) but as long as you pace the strokes or swats he should be able to remain relatively quiet. If he screams repeat the stroke – he will soon learn.
Moving on from the physical punishment I strongly recommend you back each punishment up with a non- physical punishment, here are some that I have used to get you started:
1. Cancelling a social engagement, he is looking forward to.
3. Doing tasks or jobs that he does not like.
4. Taking his SUV away and making him walk downtown to work and back all week. This is one of my favourites as it is tiring and makes him think about what he has done all week.
5. Dropping him several miles outside town and making him walk home.
6. Making him sit on the floor in the garage or bathroom for x hours
7. Corner time. This is another one of my favourites.
8. Writing lines.
9. Withhold orgasms for months, but this is a bit limited as I usually only let him have one every four or five weeks. Conversely, I like to have him get me off at least three times a week. His frustration and my power over him really gets me hot.
10. Ban certain foods or drink for x days or weeks. If I use this, I allow him to drink only water and the eat plain cooked rice all week.
Back in my world. Despite my husband wanting me to be Dominant and in charge he still continued to argue with me along the way into the relationship. This is something you need to have ZERO tolerance for and nip in the bud very early on. Probably the very first lecture you need to deliver to your husband is about talking back arguing swearing at you, including tutting sighing etc. Tell him that you will give him one chance and if he continues he will be punished. So in practice, as soon as your husband begins to argue, Hold up your finger and say STOP (if it possible). If he continues you must deliver a punishment.
This is where the soap come in. Arguing or disrespect = mouth soaping. This is unequivocal. Mouth soaping is by far the most effective way of discouraging disrespect as it links the bad mouth to the punishment. You should combine this with either a physical or non physical punishment.
Ok, here’s how. You will need a soap box with a little water in the bottom so that the bottom of the soap is mushy. Take the moistened bar of soap and press it deeply into his mouth and instruct him to bite. Tell him you want to see the teeth marks in the soap. Alternatively, squeeze a dollop of hand wash and make him hold it until you give him permission to spit it out. Roughly a couple of minutes or so will be more than sufficient. The taste is absolutely disgusting, and he will learn to do everything he can to avoid it. It is also silent so it’s easy to implement even when the kids are at home or you have visitors. However, you will find you will have to implement this quite a lot to start with as arguing will come almost as second nature to him. Even if he catches himself and apologises, you still carry out the punishment. Remember, zero tolerance policy to back talk. The beauty of this is if you are out you can have him go to the restroom where there is liquid soap, which he puts in his mouth and sits in a stall for x minutes or until you SMS him to say he can spit it out.
As for the physical punishment, you will need to use your discretion as to the level of argument and also consider whether or not he raised his voice. If he raised his voice and shouted at you the physical punishment should be severe. At the lower end of the scale I would probably have him hold out each hand and I would land the bath scrubber say 5 times on each hand which enough to sting like hell for an hour or two and hopefully bruise. Don’t go to town on the hands as you could do some damage if you over do it. Middle of the road a good butt spanking 100-500 with a heavy brush of 50-100 with the bath scrubber. Top end, if he had shouted should be a full punishment spanking as outlined above and followed by paddle or cane, with soap in his mouth in the corner between sets.
Before I go, I must just touch upon dominance or maintenance spankings. These are given for no reason at all and are given just to show that you can. These are to assert your role as the Dominant and should be of a lesser scale than a punishment spanking, but still painful. I usually give my husband one every week or so and sometimes use these to try out new implements, either from the shop or that can be found around the home. I find it fun to tell my husband in the morning instruction to find an implement in the house that day that I will spank him with that night. We have truly used all manner of things and it is exciting and shakes things up a bit. I now enjoy giving out spankings, the power is a real aphrodisiac to me so I almost always have him get me off afterwards. After either type of spanking he cannot be more compliant or eager to please.
So just like me, you too can if you follow my lead be an empowered Dominant Head of the Household and have a delightful submissive husband who will truly enjoy doing whatever you ask of him. Just think about it no more grocery shopping, cleaning or laundry as your husband ‘your sub’ will be doing it for you. Two years in and we have never been happier.