i am a cad, and a lowelife
Last update
2018-05-09 01:59:13

    favorite regina spektor song

    normie tier: on the radio, samson, better, us, fidelity

    quirky tier: that time, patron saint, sailor song, grand hotel, small town moon, hotel song

    weirdo tier: poor little rich boy, ode to divorce, folding chair, ne me quitte pas, human of the year

    “that guy” tier: edit, 20 years of snow, music box, a cannon, carbon monoxide

    pariah tier:après moi, rowboats, the flowers, oedipus, lacrimosa


    Homestuck tier: Blue Lips, Eet

    i forgot the extent to which weekly scheduled therapy is really.... annoying..........

    i have bad days on which i really need to talk to someone and those. arent Therapy Days

    and then i have okay days where therapy just. stirs shit up. but those are the Official Therapy Days so i have to do it then.......

    where are the understanding great aunt therapists whose houses are just. open when i want to drop by and bake cookies with them and cry??????? why cant that be a thing?????????????

    Bob Dylan appears on a new compilation EP that features “reimagined” versions of wedding songs for gay couples. He has recorded a new version of the 1929 song “She’s Funny That Way” but switched the pronoun to “He’s Funny That Way.” Universal Love also features St. Vincent, who takes on the Crystals’ “And Then He Kissed Me” (as “And Then She Kissed Me”). Kesha sings a switched-pronoun version of Janis Joplin’s “I Need a Man to Love.” Death Cab for Cutie’s Ben Gibbard covers the Beatles with “And I Love Him,” and Bloc Party’s Kele Okereke covers the Temptations on “My Guy.”

    for the record that comment came in the middle of a long string of extremely invasive questioning (why hadnt you met her family before? why was the funeral in alabama? why didnt you fly down to attend? are you sure she wouldnt have wanted to be cremated? but how can you KNOW she wanted to follow jewish tradition? just because she was jewish doesnt mean she wouldnt have been ok with being cremated. not every jewish person cares about being interred in a jewish cemetery. are you going to hold your own jewish memorial with your portion of the ashes? at least you have that. if my husband dies i’m gonna bury him in a cardboard box because he won’t tell me what he wants.)

    i mean better the bland ‘everyone is christian in their Time Of Grief’ platitudes,

    my other boss straight up tried to, like, idk, sympathize with me (????) by telling me that at least rivkah and i had discussed Things and that HER husband won’t talk about plans in the event of his death and that she’s going to have him interred in a cardboard box when he dies in an inevitable car accident


    my boss just told me happy passover i cant believe he FINALLY remembered i was converting now that the fiancee i was converting FOR is fucking dead. HELL TIMELINE!!!!!! HELL TIMELINE!!!!!!!! HELL !!! TIMELINE !!!!!


    just ocurred to me that the week i came back he walked in on me crying at my desk and he told me that the only way to get through grief is to trust in god and jesus....... and know she was with them....... so like........

    u can remember that im a jewish convert so that you can snidely tell me happy passover when i come to work on a holiday....... but u cant remember it enough to not make inappropriate comments that you shouldnt be making at work ANYWAY. ok. okkkkk.

    my brain was extremely cruel to me last night

    i dreamed that i was riding in a car with rivkah. and telling her that i had a dream that she died. and it felt so real. and that i was so glad it had just been a dream. and she smiled at me and told me she loved me and i told her she was wonderful and beautiful and i loved her more than anything and i was SO GLAD she wasn’t dead. i was like ‘i cant believe how detailed the dream was, where you were dead! i watched movies and went grocery shopping and went to work and it all seemed so real and detailed!’ and she laughed.

    and then we got home and i went to take a pizza out of the oven for dinner and i thought ‘wait... i dont remember putting the pizza in the oven...’ and that little moment of realization made me wake up and i opened my eyes and looked around and i knew. it had been a dream. and she was dead after all. and i hate this. that was a really mean joke, brain.

    what i should be doing: saving money in case the nervous breakdown looming on the horizon actually happens

    what i did today: spent Too Much Money on fucking blindboxes because the combination of retail therapy and Gambling For Small Interesting Items is too heady to pass up in my current state