Here I chose to be nothing but me, myself on my own.

Last update
2021-09-28 12:23:30

    bruh that's not true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Usually, when I'm looking down on my phone and smiling or sitting alone and laughing or sitting with a group and zooming in and out, the first thing or probably one of the things I hear is "Oh... are you in a relationship?... Is that your boyfriend?.... You are thinking about him, aren't you? ......"One of my teachers once told us that he could know if his students were single or not based on how they behave in class, laughing, smiling or zooming in and out.

    bruh that's not true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I'll be looking down my phone and laughing seeing a picture or sending a gif to a group chat, or calling the duck out of someone( with the evil grin since I'm in public I kinda reduce its resolution).

    if I'm sitting alone I'm probably thinking about a meme or Twitter reaction or a come back I made a long time ago and stored in my brain to laugh later.

    Or if I zoom in and out, I would be thinking of how Dinosaurs died or why schools or having a full-on conversation with myself, jokes and all. And people assume so many things.... lol!


    I remember the first time I tried meditation, it was very uncomfortable, it was hard to sit still, I wanted to move, wanted to open my eyes, wanted to …Idk... finish it already. It honestly felt weird.

    But the more I worked on it, I can assure you, the more I felt calm and centered. I had never felt that kind of peace or calmness ever before. I could connect with God, it felt like I was really in the presence of a higher power.

    I couldn't believe it... Meditation was healing really me, all the weight on my chest was being lifted.

    And then, I stopped meditating. I stopped it, because that sense of calmness made me confused. As I said, I had never felt that way before. I have had drama and pain and nervousness and anxiety and sadness and numbness, but never peace... never before.

    It feels like...

    It feels like most of us suffer from some kind of mental illness, but we have no idea about it. We make-believe that it's a part of our personality.

    Yeah, I over think.

    I have been an anxious person my whole life.

    I don't know why, I let things affect me deeply and it hurts me a lot.

    I haven't slept well in 3 months.

    Idk why my stomach hurts so much when I get tensed! Idk why feet and hands become numb and cold when asked to do things...

    Idk.... I kind of... (ignored all of you, isolated myself, deleted all my social media accounts, stopped doing things I love, contemplated suicide, cried myself to sleep, thought of myself as a loser)... Idk... It was....Idk.

    for real, if I don't feel emotions like this, I just don't know what to do, this is how I have felt my whole life and I've been like this.

    Reading, learning and talks have made me realize all these are not good things.

    Like what?