No, I’m not ok. But I haven’t been ok since I was 11, maybe 12. I am still here though.
I’m still breathing. For me, sometimes, that will have to be enough.
Clementine von Radics (via perrfectly)
People say It takes us a lifetime to find our true friends And I firmly believed It But It was one such Late night what happened shattered my belief on this forever.It was 2 am, I was crying. Selfhate running down my veins. I felt pathetic . I never felt this sick in my own body. I failed to Explain what was wrong with me. I was just crying. And there seemed No end to this kind of pain ,my entire body was trembling. I picked up the scissor unable to find a blade. I stared at It for an hour. Every part of me kept on shouting at me. I wanted to feel the taste of the sharp object right on my skin. I wanted to get away from this pain. I wanted a release .And Then there was a part of me. A small voice inside me Which kept on telling me to keep other away. It kept on telling Me i am strong . I just needed some one to talk to me at that moment. Someone who would just talk to me normally And talk bout things that made me Happy. I messaged few of my so called bestfriends some of them din even bother to reply while one said:’ learn to talk properly you fucking bitch Then beg for help ’ Then there was this childhood bestfriend of mine. She started talking to me . She told I am going to be fine. She kept on talking to me till I felt a bit better. Well most of my friends think I fake It. While some don’t understand How mental illness works. I am so glad I have here. I am so glad She din push me away. I am so lucky. To have her. If I survived another sucidial night Its because of her. I owe my life to her
At times I just sit back the flashbacks of my past flooding my Brain making It functionless. I think bout the Number of people I was so close to last year are the persons who don’t even bother to call me to even If ask me once if I am alive. As If my existence never mattered to them. I keep on thinking bout the stuff I wish I did Which would just make. ’ ME ’ HAPPY. But I was scared of being called a selfish friend or a selfish human being rather. But when people around me left , And chose their happiness over mine never thinking bout me once why wasn’t I allowed to call them selfish? Why was I so numb? Why did I blame myself still ? To be very honest I still search for the answers even knowing the fact that I will never have a suitable answer to satisfy my question. I wish these people saw How their betrayal, their words etched scars on my skin, How hurt And broken I was when They left me, I wonder If I will ever be courageous enough to discover the old happy me, who wasn’t afraid of loving, who was strong . Yes I am not that strong anymore. Because I lost myself while discovering them. I lost what I had in me. But that doesn’t mean I won’t try to be happy, I won’t try to live x
Don’t cheat on people, because the rest of their fucking life at 1am or when vodka fills their veins all they’re going to wonder is why the hell they weren’t enough for you and it will slowly tear them apart, and just because you aren’t there anymore doesn’t mean it isn’t your fault because every “I love you” that you ever said will echo in their god dammed head and no one deserves that.
I’m going to reblog this again.
There was a time when I used to think Nothing could be worse than this, Nothing Can be anymore painful than getting your heart broken by the person you thought would put It together. Nothing can be anymore pathetic than the feeling of emptiness.It was Then one day I got a call from one of my friend
’ my bestfriend is no more ’ She sobbed silently.
I was numb. At that moment all I could say was’’ it’ll get better. “ Because I failed to find the words that would comfort her. I was too scared to even think of myself in her place
It was Then I realised. In the Long journey of finding happiness we often forget what we have around us. We often fail to value the people who has been there for us throughout And It was finally then I realised I am blessed, blessed with life Which should be valued not grieved on , everyone doesn’t get to be lucky. So from now I will value what I have And not cry over some person who lost me ✘