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    Anonymous asked :Why are the fat chicks you post never getting the same captions as the slim/fit women you post? Like there's never a caption underneath their pics/gifs thats degrading but there is for the other girls? Idk man, seems a bit wierd and I'm sure you can come up with some fucked up kinky shit. asked :


    I was wondering when someone would catch onto this. You are the first, or at least the first to say it out loud.

    My rationale is this. Growing up I was always a bit of an outsider because I was quite, shy, nerdy, overweight, and not very athletic. I got made teased, picked up, and bullied, a lot, by both genders(believe it or not). It was a very lonely and solitary existence. Needless to say I did not have a lot of frinds, nor was it very easy for me to make them. Aside from the limited male friends I had most of my female friends were alternative girls and bigger girls. They were those girls were not part of the “cool” girl groups. They were the outcasts and outsiders. The one that did not fit in or were accepted by others, for whatever reason. Being friend with these girls really opened my eyes up to stuggles and torment they faced on daily basis, not just from other kids, but from their own friends, family, and society as whole. I saw how brutal and soul crushing it could get. They were berrated, teased, tortured, riducled, and treated poorly simply because they were different, a pain, I myself, understood all too well. I might be a monster, but even I can have empathy for those who have gone through the same hell that I have been through. This is why you never see me write my usual captions underneath their pictures. Most of the humiliation and degradation that is used in reference to bigger girls is always weight based, and I will not and cannot, do that, not ever. I am sure I could come up with something different, along the lines of my usual captions for them, but ultimately I would rather show them that they are beautiful and special, worthy of love and respect. It could be agrued that makes me biased, but so what, I am. I have seen the pain that bigger girls have had to endure. I have seen it effect the lives of women who were and are very close to me. I saw it break their spirits, making them hate themselves, and I won’t be a part of that.

    Anonymous asked :While I see you getting so much hate messages, I'm absolutely intrigued by your mind. You let us into your mind and what I see is an honest and beautifully disturbed person. I think I'm in love with you asked :


    My mind is a dark, scary, and unpleasant place that even I do not want to dwell in most of the time. I am sure if I had the notes from the various psychiatric professionals I have seen over the years it would reflect something along those lines. For most of my life my thoughts, more specifically, my emotions, have been my worst enemy. My erratic and unstable nature has been and continues to be the bane of my existence. Ever since I can remember I have been a slave to my eschewed thought process. I do not see the world like most people. I have no idea how normal people see the world. I spend a lot of mine actually wondering if they way I see the world around me is “real” or not. Beside my illness and insanity there are a lot of layers to my psyche as I am a human being(something most people on here might argue against), and like most human beings I am not some one dimensional individual. I spent a lot of my life hiding my mind from other people, trying to be normal, trying to “fit in”, and all it did was make me utterly miserable. Most people cannot handle the full depths of my mind so I let people see what they need to see in order to feel comfortable and slowly reveal the other parts. It usually shocks, horrifies, and ultimately frightens them away. The fact my mind intrigues you says a lot about you as a person. I am not quite sure what, but the fact you are intrigued by me makes me intrigued by you.

    Please don’t say that you love me. I am sincerely flattered, but I take that word very seriously. I am sure you like me, you might even be fascinated or intrigued by me, but you cannot say that really love me because you don’t know me. All you know of me is this version of me. To really love someone means to know them fully, and to accept them. It means to love them in good and bad, and put them ahead of yourself in all ways. I don’t think that is something you can really do given that this is all you know of me. Save your love for someone who truly deserves it, because that is not me.

    Anonymous asked :I don't know how people can say you're a terrible person. You're into kinky stuff, so what? Judging by your personal asks you're intelligent and actually care. asked :


    One essential truth of human nature is that the vast majority of people are quick to judgement, even on the most limited of information available. It is easy for them to attack, vilify, and demonize anything or anyone that is not like them or contrary to what they have been taught is acceptable. That is just how people are, but then again I do not have a high opinion of humanity as a whole. It is my life experience that most people never fail to disappoint when you hold them to the lowest standards imaginable.

    I will say this though. I might, as a matter of fact, be a terrible person. It is quite possible. I have done some truly reprehensible things over the course of my life, but none of them are in anyway related to the material I post or the things I say on here. I would only hope that if people were going to make these kind of claims they would base them on something substantial rather than their own thoughts and feelings.

    I am a kinky person. Always have been, always will be. It took me a long time to put words to the things I like. I could very easily pretend that I was something other than I am. There are days were I wished I was like “everyone” else and “normal”, but I’m not. All I can do is be me, for better or worse. I don’t need people to understand that, but I would hope they would at least try. 

    Thank you for everything you said and putting a smile on my face. I truly hope you have an excellent day.

    Anonymous asked :What was your relationship with Aubrie like? Can you tell me a little about her? I'm quite curious. asked :


    My relationship with Aubrie was many things, but I think perhaps the best word to describe it was: complicated. 

         We met each other on September 19th, 2008 at approximately 10:00. It was a Tuesday night. I know this because it was the goth theme night, Haven, at the local club I used to go to. Prior to going to the club that night I have been working a new job that I absolutely hated beyond words for about 6  months. It was a shitty job that nearly broke my spirit. It got to the point where I was having nightmares about going to work, only to wake up and realize that I had to go to work, so I decided to go out and do something that used to make me happy. I decided that going to the club would help me get in touch with something that used to really make me happy, so goth night it was. I called my friend Rebecca and she agreed to go with me. When I walked in Aubrie was the first person I saw, she took my breath away. It was love at first sight.
         It was like something out of those old cartoons when a cupid shoots a man with an arrow. I could not take my eyes off her. I had never seen someone like her in real life before. It was if someone, or something, had reached into my mind and given my ultimate fantasy woman form and substance. Here was this voluptuous gothic goddess who looked like a mix of Elvira, Mistres of the Dark, The Baroness from G.I. Joe, and a fallen angel. She was this magnificently dark and mysterious woman with large soul piercing eyes, wild untamed hair, a chesire cat like grin, and a body that could make men go to war.  She was both glamorous and trash, wild yet refined, and so much more.
         I knew right then and there I had to talk to her, but I froze. Fear swept over me in a way I had never experienced in my entire life, but I knew that I had to talk to her, or else I would regret it for the rest of my life. I went into full on creeper mode and followed her around the entire night finally waiting for the right moment, but the moment just seemed to elude me. She was either on the phone talking to her friend or tearing it up on the dance floor. Watching her on the dance floor I was completely, totally, and utterly hypnotized by her body moving to the various rhymths. I could not take my eyes off of her for even a moment. All I could do was sit there in her thrall wondering how devastated I would be if she didn’t want to talk to me or even acknowledge me, but in the midst of all that self doubt and fear I finally found my moment, sucked it up, found my courage, and made my move.
         While she was sitting at the bar ordering her drink I reached over her and put my money down on the bar for her drink. I introduced myself and asked her if she would like to have a cigarette with me. In that split moment I felt more fear then I have ever felt in my entire life, and it seemed like an eternity, but something rather unexpected happened. She introduced herself to me and actually said she would love to. This might come as a surprise to some people but Aubrie was the first girl I had ever talked to in real life without knowing something about her before I made my move. I went in completely blind, but it turned out to be one of, if not the, best decision I ever made.
         After that the night was just magical. We sat there, talked, smoked, and got to know one another. It turned out I was the first guy to ever guy her a drink. Something I could not believe with how beautiful she was. She said he had noticed me too but thought I was actually there with my friend Rebecca, as in that she and I were together. I laughed at that. I told her how much I liked her shirt as it was a vintage Jem and the Holograms shirt. She was amazed I knew who they were let alone how much I knew about them. The night just flew by in  virtual flash. At the end of the night I brought her home and we exchanged MySpace information. The first thing I did when I got home was try and find her but I couldn’t, but magically almost instaneously there came a message, “found you, damn I am good”, and that was just the beginning.
         On our first date we agreed to meet at a bar close to her college campus. Aurbie was a ada comstock scholar at Smith College, a very presitigous women’s college. We met at a bar called the Tunnel Bar. I wanted to impress her so desperately I dressed like  a cross between Marilyn Manson and the devil himself because I thought that was what she would want. It was funny because Aubrie thought the same thing, so she came dressed as what she thought would impress me. Essentially a young Republican complete with a sweater and pearls.  We both had a really good laugh at this. We ended up ordering a few drinks. I don’t drink so I just pretended to sip a beer the entire time. Once again the night was pure magic. At the end of the night she invited me to her dorm room. We just hung out talking until the sun came up.
         I first knew I loved her on our third date. It was a little weird because I agreed to meet her at this restaurant she really liked. I had something important to tell ber because I have some skeletons in my past which are important for anyone who wants to get to me to know about. We sat down, ate, and I told her. It was at this point she told me she had a boyfriend. My heart was broken as I was already falling in love with her. She could see it in my eyes and told me it was an open plural relationship. This was something I had never encountered. Once we both said these things to each other her friend walked in and joined up so we could not really talk about them. We ended up hanging out with her friend for a few hours until we finally got rid of her. We talked about everything, our wants, needs, desires, fears, and agreed that we wanted to still see one another. Driving her home the night went so well I felt this almost pathological need to ruin it by telling her embarassing stories about me and seeing how she would react. I told her the worst most awful things I could concieve of and she did not bat an eye. She responded by telling her how as a kid her mother sent her a fat camp on the UCLA Berkley Campus and got kicked out for dressing up in all black like a fat ninja and breaking into a vending machine. The moment she told me that I knew I was completeley, totally, and utterly in love with her. After that we were virtually inseparable aside from the times I was at work and she was in class.
         I think what really let Aubrie know how I felt about her was the night we went to the casino. My friends and I had arranged a trip to Foxwoods, and I asked them if I could invite her. They assumed I wanted to fuck her and they wanted me to get laid as it had been a few years for me, but honestly sex was the last thing on my mind. During the car ride down there they fed her vodka and ativan, essentially roofiing her so it would be easy for me. On the way my buddy and his girlfriend got into a fight and she started crying to Aubrie, being a kind and caring person, in her own way, told her how beautiful and special she was and how she would totally fuck her with her strapon. My friend was an old school guinea and he almost dead stopped the car on the highway and went to hit her but I stopped him. When we got to the casino she was wrecked. She came onto his girlfriend in the bathroom, spilled her drink all over the blackjack table, and eventually got removed from the gaming floor. We went outside on sat on bench where she started trying to make out with me. She was destroyed so I knew it was not right to do anything. She tried telling me how beautiful and special I was and show she loved me all the while trying to put her hands in my pants and feel my dick. She got really hurt when I said no and ran into the bathroom where she blacked out and we had to send my friend’s girlfriend to go get her. Eventually we got her into the car and headed home. The entire ride home she kept crying that she had to pee so my friend finally pulled over and she peed, but she fell down into it. I got out to help her up but she pulled me down into her pee. So the entire ride home we were both covered in her pee. Finally we got back to my house where she tripped walking into my house and scrapped up both her knees. I got her up to my room, cleaned up her knees, and changed her. I put her in my bed and I slept in the chair in my room. In the morning she remembered very little but she was scared she had tried to be inappropriate with me because of what she did remember and the fact she was in my bed. She had not agreed to be intimate with me yet with her other partner. I told her what had happened and I think it was then that she knew she could trust me and could see how much I cared about her.
         The most awkward night was when I met her other partner. I got a call at work that she wanted to meet me at bar after work, so I agreed. When I got there she was sitting in a booth with this ultra thin long haired effeminate male(my natural competitive predator at the goth club). My first instinct was rage because she was mine, and who the fuck was this guy, but then it quickly dawned on me. She then introduced me to Kevin.  Kevin was the opposite of me in every way: logical, unemotional, effminate, snarky, and generally cold and unlikable. I could not understand how she would want him and me both. We tried to get along at first. We even had a three way, which was a disaster, as he is a this religious repressed transgender wannabe. I respect his gender issues, but he never owned them, and essentially he only wanted Aubrie to be his “beard”. He wanted her because her father was a multi millionaire and her family was both wealthy and affluent. I could see it a mile away, but she was blind to it. It did not take long for it to degenerate between Kevin and I, from mutual dislike to all out war, all for her. In the end she married him because her parents wanted to cut her off financially and he could give her things she needed that I could not give her, but even after she got married we never stopped seeing each other. He kept her like a prisoner, isolating her from all her friends and family, all the ones who had loved him and hated me, in time they all fell away, but never me. I was always there for her. I was always there to talk to her, always there for her when she needed me. I was always there to rescue her and take her on adventures. I was always there to remind her that life was worth living. I was there to let her know how beautiful, wonderful, and special she truly was when all he did was berated, degrade, and ignore her. In the end their marriage failed, and she was finally mine again.
         After Kevin left her, took their child, and threw her in jail her parents institutionalized her, yet again, and decided to cut her out completely. At this point I found her a place to stay. I got her food. I got her money. I took care of her and paid her bills. There was nothing she wanted for that I did not give her. Eventually, she came to live with me and that was the happiest time of my life, but it was to be short lived. She had suffered from emotional problems and sucidial impulses her entire life. Her father died from a long term illness, her mother ignored her, the pain of being sexual abused by her brother as a child, and her so called “husband” using their child like a bargining chip become too much. She started experimenting with harder drugs. I honestly had no clue until I came home one day and found her in our bed blacked out with my mother’s pain meds sprinkled all over the bed. We had and epic fight and I told her she had to leave until she could get help. I had my friend agree to let her stay over his house for a while. A few days went by which was the longest we went without talking, finally we talked and I forgave her and we made plans to go out that Thursday to goth night as goth night was always our date night. It was the place we met afterall. I showed up to pick her up but she did not answer the door. I thought she got high again and was blacked out so I stormed off. Later in the night my friend called me and said he just got home and that she was blacked out and cold. I was already at the club but I raced back there in time to find her dead. It was the worst night of my life.
         At her funeral, a lot of truths finally came out for the entire world to see. Her mother finally learned about me. Up until then I had been known to her family as her “gay” best friend. It was  a role I played one night as we were out to dinner and we brother, the one that had molested her as a kid walked in on us eating. I was going to stab him, but she made me promise not to. She asked me to pretend to be gay so her family would not think she was “cheating” on her husband as they were very traditional and had no idea about him or their relationship dynamic. After that I just played the role around them as it was so much easier then the truth. Her mother finally came to know the truth about us, and she even told me how much she wished she picked me over Kevin. I was not allowed to talk to her funeral because of the nature of things between her and I but I had to listen to all the fake friends who abandoned her talk about how much they loved her. The final insult was when Kevin got up there and talked about how much he loved her and how she could have had anyone in the world, but she chose him. I almost went ballistic, but thankfully my mom was there to calm me down. The only reason that I did not take out vengence on Kevin and her brother, the abuser, was because in life she made me promise I wouldn’t, and I never broke a promise to her, even in death.  The last thing I said to her that day, while I sat next to her coffin, was “fuck you bitch, how could you leave me?”.
         Aubrie was perhaps the most perfect woman I have ever had the pleasuring of knowing. She was my partner, lover, best friend, and soulmate, but that was just who she was to me. In her own right, she was someone who always saw the best in people regardless of how others saw them(case in point, me). She had this way with bringing out the best in people, and helping them learn to love and accept who and what they were. She never judged anyone, never had a bad word to say, and always tried to help people embrace the truths of who they were. She always had a kind word to say, a shoulder to cry, and a smile that could pull you up from the lowest depths of depression. Her own interior mental landscape was full of darkness from her traumas, but she never let that stop her from moving forward and giving everything she had to give to whatever she was doing.
         She was very active in the local LGBT scene, a proud pansexual. She proudly fought for the rights of people to be with the partner/partners of their choice. She was also an ardent feminist(does that surprise you knowing she was with me?). Actively working for the betterment of all women in whatever way she could. Although from a priviledged white upper class background she never used that knowingly to her advantage. She was on full scholarship to Smith for academic excellence, where she graduated with stellar grades. She cared about others, genuinely and truly, no matter who or what they were.
         She was sexual one of the most dynamic people I have ever met. She opened my eyes up to things even I have never dreamed of. She was, to be plain and simple about it, kinkier then any person I have ever met. She was up to trying anything, at least once. She actively switched with me, letting me explore my own sexuality while exploring her own at the same time. I did things with her I don’t think I might ever do again. We had a level of trust that allowed for a truly wonderful BDSM relationship in addition to our vanilla one.
         She was a woman of another time who believed in art, beauty, love, and truth. She dedicated her life to beauty in all its forms, in celebrating even the smallest aspects of everyday life, all the while trying not to get caught up in the trappings of modern society. She was wild and untamed, sucking the marrow out of life at every possible occasion. She was a studious scholar who delighted in knowledge and information, sometimes kind of nerdy and definitely a massive geek, who could easily out do even most of the more hardcore ones I know.
         She was not a perfect person, by any means. She had her faults and flaws. She struggled with demons from her childhood,and mental issues which often brought her constant pain and misery, but she never ever stopped trying, until the very end.
         I hope that tells you a little more about her and I.

    Anonymous asked :Why do you have such an issue with women? From what I've seen when you post you love to degrade women and treat them like they're yours to use and abuse. Somehow I don't think a lot of women are into that. So why do it? Are you such a sick person that your dick gets wet from treating women like trash? I seriously hope you figure out your issues, because you clearly have many. You seem very misogynistic and like a pig. Good luck with that. asked :


    To be quite honest I have been getting bored lately because I have not recieved any good hate mail in a long time, so thank you anon. You honestly made my day. I sincerely hope that you enjoy reading my response, as much I have enjoyed writing it to you.  I shall address all of your questions in order and do my best to explain myself to you.

    1. Why do I have such issues with women?-I have issues with everyone. I am antisocial by nature and very far from what anyone might call a “people” person. Aside from that fact, I think that is only natural that people have issues with members of the opposite sex, or even the same sex, given your personal preferences. I mean honestly who has not had a bad experience with a significant other at some point during the course of their life? I think we all have our issues given our unique and individual life experiences, and that is just from a romantic context. There could be various social factors involved as well including, but not limited to: educational background, parentage, general socialization, religious beliefs, and a myriad  number of other variables as well.  
    This brings up the nature versus nurture debate. Was I born this way or was I made this way? I tend to lean toward a 50/50 mix of both. My personal experiences with women throughout the course of my life has been less then pleasant. I am the first to admit that, however I do not hold all women responsible for the actions of a few. To hold any group accountable for the actions of a few is simply ignorant, something I am not. If you truly believe that I live my everyday life treating women in the manner I describe on my blog I would probably have been in prison or killed long ago. I certainly would not be here maintaining this blog. 

    As I have said before I actually identify myself as a feminist supporter, not a feminist myself, because being a biological cisgender male, I cannot truly be one. I believe in equal rights for women, including the right to choose to step outside of what is considered socially or sexually acceptable by most. All people are free to make their own choices and pursue whatever it is that makes them happy. I would never condemn someone for their sexual identity as long as it was consensual. Everything I talk about or advocate comes from a consensual perspective. I do not believe in anything that is not consensual.

    2.  From what I’ve seen when you post you love to degrade women and treat them like they’re yours to use and abuse. -You are correct my blog does focus a lot on the humiliation and degradation of women, but only the women who express interest in such things. Also, if you were to explore my blog more fully you would see that that particular topic is not the central theme of my blog, or at the very least was never intended to be. I provide a taboo fantasy, something outside the scope of social acceptability,  because we often fantasize and desire that which we are told we should not want. I do not consider anyone woman mine nor do I claim any right to any woman, or all women for that matter. If a woman decides of her own free will to be mine that is her choice to make. I would never superimpose my will on anyone who did not want what I have to offer.

    3.  Somehow I don’t think a lot of women are into that. So why do it?-Your assumption that the fantasies and sexual lifestyles that I discuss are uncommon is simply ignorant. It sounds if you are using yourself as the basis for this assumption. Not everyone has the same sexual interests, likes, fantasies, or taboos. Human sexuality is about as broad and diverse a topic  as perhaps any other, the BDSM lifestyle is merely one form of it. Perhaps you should spend some more time exploring your own sexuality and less time condemning the sexuality of others. Not one everyone is born knowing what it is they like, they have to explore, constantly trying new things in order to discover their particular kinks. 

    I do what I do because it is a part of my own sexuality. Is this the sum total of my own sexual identity? No. My sexual identity, like most people’s is very complex. I bet it would surprise you to know that in my vanilla sexual identity I am a hopeless romantic and a gentleman. I love going on dates to the movies, clubs, dancing, long walks, etc. I love doing little small things letting my partner know how much I love and value them as not only my partner, but a person. It is in my nature to dedicate myself to that person because they have dedicated themselves to me. I consider it one of my top priorities to let my partner know that I love and value them, not simply because they are mine, but because they are who they are. The other things I do, the ones you are condemning me for, are things I enjoy, and I would prefer to do them but only in whatever context we have agreed upon. If my partner, who I loved, was not into those things, I would put those aside for them, but I am pretty sure whatever partner I was in love with would on some level share some of own interests to a varying degree. Like attracts like after all. 

    4. Are you such a sick person that your dick gets wet from treating women like trash?-Does it excite me? Yes. Does it thrill me? Yes. Do I get off from it? Yes. I am a “sick” person, as you so nonjudgmentally described, that I do enjoy all of those things. I know where my sexual interests lay and I have no shame whatsoever in pursuing them to their fullest extent with a consensual partner. Also my dick has never gotten wet, it gets hard. From your choice of words it was my first thought that perhaps you were a woman, but to assume that of you, would be sexist of me, which is something I try very hard to avoid.

    5. I seriously hope you figure out your issues, because you clearly have many. - I have bi polar disorder along with antisocial personality disorder and issues with anxiety which I have suffered from my entire life. I have been in and out of mental institutions and medicated most of my life from the age of 6. I have actually made great strides in dealing with these issues. It is a constant war and everyday is a new battle. I would hope that you do not use my own personal issues to justify your argument that my sexual interests and practices are “sick”, because although I might be, they are not. People from all over the world, from all cultures and walks of life indulge in the very same things, regularly. As I said before judging any group of people from the belief or practices of one member of that group is wrong and narrow minded. 

    6. You seem very misogynistic and like a pig.- I am neither of the things you believe me to be. I believe that this is quite evident from the things I said above. I hope in some small way I have enlightened you, however I know that people’s belief and preconceptions of others are often hard to change, if at all possible. If you would like to see me as some kind of misogynistic pig boogeyman then please by all means do so. I know there are many out there who do and always will rather then see me as a person. It is easy to see someone as a thing, rather then a person. It is easy to use labels rather then get to know them on a personal level. I am who and what I am and I am unashamed of it, which for some, is terrifying because I will not conform to what society tells me to be. Fear is a powerful thing and we are always afraid of what we don’t understand and we tend to hate that which we fear.

    I do hope that you enjoy reading this and have a wonderful day.