Teaching French to English Speakers:

French lesson: The word "sur" means "on"
English speaker: Okay.
French lesson: For example,
���The vase is [on] the table.
　The house is [on] the right.
　I read this book [on] his recommendation.
　Bring me the file [on] copyright licensing.
English speaker: Right. Got it. "Sur" means "on."

.

Teaching French to Chinese speakers:

French lesson: The word "sur" means "on."
Chinese speaker: Okay.
French lesson: For example,
���The vase is [on] the table
Chinese speaker: Right. Got it. "Sur" means "on."
French lesson: The word "sur" also means "towards."
Chinese speaker: Eh?
French lesson: For example,
　The house is [towards] the right.
Chinese speaker: Oh...kay.
French lesson: The word "sur" also means "because of."
Chinese speaker: What? H..how? What?
French lesson: For example,
　I read this book [because of] his recommendation.
Chinese speaker: Why does this one word mean all these things? Don't y'all have any other words?
French lesson: The word "sur" also means "containing information pertaining to."
Chinese speaker: Stop fucking around with me.
French lesson: For example,
　Bring me the file [containing information pertaining to] copyright licensing.
Chinese speaker: What the fuck is wrong with this language?

artificial-lust

every tumblr user: despite the fact that no one views or cares about my blog, i will continue to spend the majority of my life updating it

uncle-cazador

I aint posting for them. I’m posting for me.

voyageofbran

I see your posts tho.

uncle-cazador

Hazards of following me

Me: the differential of holly and viper-root versus holly and wolfsbane is why we can't have a perfect werewolf repellant, as the variation between European, African and American werewolves is enough so that only local producers can create the best for the area.

The Static Ghost trapped on the CD-rom across the room: KRISKRASCRISKRAWKRISTIR

Me: that's a good question, and I can't say I know the answer. It is likely just the similar feeding habits between vampires and werewolves.

biinarytransitions

stupid customer: uhhh… do you have the soup in stock

Me: uh, duh……….. all soup is in stock 🙄🙄

ONLY SOUPHEADS WILL UNDERSTAND

anarchists: i hate that our lives are largely controlled by arbitrary authorities who use covert threats and overt violence to maintain their positions of power. it's really bad and i would prefer if we could all just exist without having to exert systemic power over others like that.

dozens of chucklefucks crawling out of the woodwork: explain to me right this fucking second the exact details of how you personally will maintain the supply chain for insulin, or you hate disabled people and your ideology is actually fascism

whencartoonsruletheworld

Dorothy: What are we learning about today, Ms. Frizzle?

Ms. Frizzle: We’re learning about gender and orientation, as well as transgender issues!

Arnold: Why does your dress say “down with cis?”

Ms. Frizzle: Why don’t we get on the bus and find out!

fanonical

ka applegate: there’s some aliens in my books

editor: ok, so what are we talking, little green men?

ka applegate: i’m thinking more like…giant blue deer-people with no mouths and scorpion tails

editor: little green men would be easier to put on the cover

ka applegate: yeah, but deer-people are cooler

idiopathicsmile

editor: but what about the cover?

ka applegate: don’t worry, I got you…covered

editor: this is just a cocktail napkin with the word “horrifying half-human half-animal abomination” underlined six times

(ka applegate has already skateboarded away)

wwarborday

OP it’s vital to me that you know that KA originally wanted to put little grey men in her books, but Scholastic told her to be more “creative.” Knowing that it was 1990-something, and Scholastic was planning to maybe make a TV show, KA responded by being petty as hell and making the most absolutely batshit insane alien ever. Something hard to, say, do in SFX if you’re Nickelodeon in 1995-ish.

Something like blue deer scorpion people with no mouths.

This is a book series built on SPITE

banderboucher

Bar scene in horror film

cybotgalactica

Protagonist: (mentions local urban legend)

Bar band: (stops playing)

Everyone: (goes quiet)

Me, not noticing the silence and continuing loudly in the background: So yeah apparently now it’s “unacceptable” to scrub your ballsac in a public bathroom

Glimmer: I don’t know how to talk about Beast Island with my dad. He was missing for over 15 years and must have thought nobody was going to find him, but he just acts like everything is normal.

Glimmer: I don’t know. How did you guys deal with the trauma?

Entrapta: What do you mean, “trauma”?

Catra: What do you mean, “deal”?

Glimmer: …….

Adora: I’m still not entirely sure what a “dad” is.

Glimmer: Never mind.

snackleggg

Evil dude that’s way in over their head: We will take over this “Ghost Zone” and from there use it as a base to take over the rest of the multiverse!

Danny: umm yeah okay but you’re gonna have to talk with the Ghost King about that.

Evil dude: Whose the Ghost King???

Danny, the crown of fire suddenly appearing over his head: Me

horrendoushag

“Cool idea” I thought before accidentally sitting down and drawing it for six+ hours

Dipper: Here you go, Wirt, a nice hot cup of tea!

Wirt: It's cold.

Dipper: A nice cup of tea.

Wirt: It's horrible!

Dipper: Cup of tea.

Wirt: I'm not sure if this even IS tea.

Dipper: CUP.

thebootydiaries

Me Interviewing a Bird On My Porch: So is it scary to fly in the rain?

ephemeralhorror

hacker: the ai girl is trying to break into my systems! jokes on her, she’s about to learn that programming can’t match experience and skill!

ai girl: (deletes their keyboard and mouse drivers)

hacker: :|

get-thee-to-a-shrubbery

great post op. i like how its a girl it makes me happy

thebootydiaries

robber: hey give me all ur money

me: how about i instead buy that gun off of u for all my money

robber: ok

robber:oh shit now ur gonna rob all ur money back

me:no im not a dick who robs people

roober: that hurt way more than any bullet would

worse0mens

Me, updating my fic: Readers, I need to end it on this point to keep tension high and give you an enjoyable reading experience

Readers, eyes wide: you CLIFFHANGER readers???? You play with their poor hearts like the FOOTBALL? oh! jail for author!! jail for author for one thousand years!!

boldlyanxious

Jokes on them because that's how long it will be before the update 😆😆

worse0mens

savage

Ebenezer Scrooge: Goes outside

500 Muppets: There goes Mr Asshole! There Goes Mr Bitch!

witchersjaskier

Book!Geralt: So, how do you greet your Jaskiers? I always loudly announce he’s my best friend and then take him for some ale and then we buy one bed and talk before sleeping.

Game!Geralt: I smile and softly call him my friend. He always wants something stupid from me so I agree and then we do something even more stupid.

Hexer!Geralt: I hug him tightly. Then I hug him again. Sometimes a third time as well. He sings for me.

Netflix!Geralt: …

froody

Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*

My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.

cryoverkiltmilk

The spiritual successor to Miette

manicgoblinnightmarewoman

Might I also add

shydestinybread

May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit

unyanizedcatboys

Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children

explorerrowan

I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.

dualclock

My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang

Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.

My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang

Me: ksst!

My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!

Me: ok

My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang

callmebliss

Can haz snackytreat

ladyshinga

(source)

dogsrulepeopledrool

Source

fandom

This post is the most reblogged post of the year! Congratulations!

moist-astronaut

you're absolutely correct it was

maneth985

And it's so accurate, my new cat is so demanding lol

vodka-zamolodchikova

me: [accidentally closes a chrome window with 50+ tabs]

my laptop, gently weeping: oh my god………… oh ym hgod thank you so much……….. thank y

jerryterry

Me, realizing my mistake, reopening Chrome and preparing to mash ctrl+shift+T to bring them all back one by one:

My computer:

hot-chubbies-with-cheese

my computer watching me click the “Restore” option for all of my tabs after shutting down unnaturally:

anarcho-kaibaism

You should all be detained ASAP

thebootydiaries

Interviewer: So, Mr Loaf...

Meat Loaf: please, call me meat