Oh! Camil

Pandas, other bears, and whatever else crosses my mind. I'm easily amused.. I'm Zee. I'm 40ish and live in the Pacific NW. My interests include pandas, pop culture, animals in general, food, travel, swimming pools, books, attempting to understand "why" and also sometimes "how". I like to visit the past sometimes but I sure wouldn't want to live there.

Last update
2015-02-03 02:42:08

    So this is my life now: get up in the morning early. Weekdays I go to work, the hospital, and then home to bed to do it all over again. Weekends and holidays are all day at the hospital. My mom and brother came up to visit me for Christmas even though my mom was sick. On Christmas day she was so bad I called an ambulance to their hotel. She was admitted to the hospital and has been there ever since. She has advanced cancer. She's not getting better. At first we thought we could at least stabilize her enough to get back to home for hospice care but it is a million and one chance she'll leave this hospital alive. Lucky for me, I live a block from the hospital. My brother is alternating between Oregon and here. Her good friend is up visiting now. It's hard, y'all. This is not my first ride at this particular rodeo but it's not like it gets any easier. I have a lot of complicated emotions. Everything is day to day right now. Anyway, that's why I'm not around

    headforhippieland replied to your post:In regards to the Star Wars VII trailer

    it looks meh, i’m not exactly pumped to see it but when it is out and if my friends wanna see it then I’ll go with them just for the hell of it

    Yeah, I'm not particularly blown away by the trailer and I don't really get the OMG excitement that people have because I don't think it looks more than meh, either. But, you know, I'LL BE GOING TO SEE IT ANYWAY, so, you know, there's that. I'm curious to see what will happen and I'm not going to lie, part of me really, really hopes that they come up with a storyline that totally fucks the semi-canon of the Expanded Universe, not because I have anything against it but because I do think that one of the funnest part of being a Star Wars fan is that because the only true canon is the movies and the movies themselves fuck it up, basically....Star Wars ultimately ends up being as individual an experience if you want it to be while still maintaining a larger shared culture.

    headforhippieland replied to your photo:I hope they don’t get freaked out at the grocery...

    lol what is with the pillow and blanket

    Ok, so Monday night I went to Macy's to get a mattress topper for my bed because I've been having a lot of extra back pain lately and anything that will help, you know? While I was there I impulsively bought a new blanket because it was a nice bright cranberry plaid and I liked it. And then I took it home and slept with it and OH EM GEE, it's, like, the nicest blanket I have owned in my life, like sleeping in a warm, cozy cloud. It's so soft and warm.

    This morning I woke up with the blanket held in my arms like a lover and I thought, "You know, I'm really going to need another one of these" so I went and got one tonight and since I was there I decided to buy a pillow since I could use a new pillow, too.

    headforhippieland replied to your post:headforhippieland replied to your photo:Michelle,...

    it has so many good, catchy songs my sister and I still quote it, its that ingrained in us also I’ve never seen the ode to billie joe movie, I know Bobbie Gentry had something to do with it and i’ve always wanted to see it is really that bad?

    Oh, it's SO awful. SO AWFUL. I won't spoiler it for you (just FYI, the Wikipedia entry does "spoil" it, so be forewarned). Robbie Benson was actually not a bad actor but he got cast in a lot of melodramatic roles and I think directors really took advantage of his ability to project strong emotions to the point that they over-used them, you know? Like Bobbie Gentry herself says, the power of the song/story really comes from the way the family are all casual about their dinner conversation, unaware that they're tearing the narrator up inside, not from the superficial trappings of, you know, what did they throw from the bridge. I've always liked that she's kind of hinted around and has spoken about, "Yeah, okay, this is a good guess because..." but hasn't ever (as far as I can tell) come right out and said "it was this they through from the bridge" and I believe she probably never even worked out what it was because it was so unimportant. I mention this because pretty much the only good thing about the movie is that it pretty obviously had to have something thrown from the bridge and the item that gets thrown does make sense. But otherwise, gag me. It's badly paced and the acting is just so...I mean, Michelle, I'm remembering this DECADES later clear as a bell so that ought to tell you how awful it was. You know, mediocre or okay or not that bad, they fade, but really good and REALLY BAD, you don't get past those. ha ha. There's a big OMG SECRET in the movie which was actually fairly progressive for the time...I mean, treated in a fairly progressive way, I guess, but I remember shouting at the TV: THAT WAS IT? REALLY? *THAT* WAS IT? so, yeah, I'm going to go with "it was that bad". I really doubt it's available anywhere but if by some miracle you find it (I mean, I've found some seriously obscure shit myself), you might as well watch it if it's not going to cost you anything because you'll probably get a laugh from it. But don't spend any money on it, so not worth it.

    Actually I can answer my own question

    As far as I can recall, the movie Harper Valley PTA, and its spin off TV show didn't entirely suck.  Of course, I may just be fondly remembering what was really an awful show because Barbara Eden was so charismatic but I do positively recall the movie as being not exactly a high mark in cinema but a perfectly adequate comedy of its time and place.


    That is, Dallas has traded Brenden Dillon to San Jose for a bag of pucks...NO, JUST KIDDING.  (It's happened.)  (Not in the modern NHL, but it's happened.)  So, I may just have to go down to SJ for a game or two.  I wonder if I can talk KC into going.  I wonder (doubt it) if Dills even remembers me at this point.  He was a pretty nice kid, hope he's become a nice man, and I really hope he can step up his game and be a major contributor.  

    When I was a kid...

    I was totally into the whole day of the week underwear thing.  (Do they even make them anymore?  Too lazy to look it up and see.) I don't know why my mom would never buy them for me but I'm pretty sure that her insistence on only getting me boring white underwear is precisely why as soon as I was able to buy my own I did.

    But I never did get any day of the week underwear.

    I did have the snazziest underwear drawer of any 14 year old I knew.

    Sometimes my friends will say something like, "Oh, I never bother with fancy underwear, no one ever sees me in it."

    Feh.  *I* see me in it and that's good enough for me.

    my-daydream-desire replied to your post:My grandmother died Saturday. I’m not sad about...

    I’m so sorry for your loss, sending you hugs, it sounds like the cremation was a beautiful way to remember her xx

    It was, thank you. My cousin said that she thinks it's very romantic that granny was buried with grandpa and it made me think of all the times he'd be sitting in the car in some parking lot reading some book while she went shopping and so on and I thought, well, you know, once again he was there waiting for her and then finally when she was ready they were reunited.

    My grandmother died Saturday.

    I'm not sad about it - she was very old and had been very ill for a very long time, her body was a prison, not a home - but neither am I happy about it. I suppose the Germans have some sort of word for a feeling of neither this nor that since they have so many great descriptive words for states of being, but if there's an English word I don't know it.

    It's a loss, yes, but not one that leaves me feeling like I'm missing a piece of myself.  I'm glad that she's at peace now, as we all are, but, of course, if we could, wouldn't we have all our loved ones happy and whole forever?

    She specifically didn't want a funeral.  I wonder if I knew that before my mother told me that or if it's just a coincidence that I've often thought that I wouldn't want a funeral, either.  I'd rather those who miss me just miss me, I suppose, and spend some time reflecting on the things that I meant to them.  We did have a little service, though.  Her body was cremated and on Wednesday we gathered around my grandfather's grave (her husband) for the internment of her remains there.  While we were waiting in the parking lot for everyone to arrive, we saw a deer walking around, easy as you please, and she would've liked that.  She always had a fondness for animals.

    My brother's deacon said a few words and read from the bible.  One of the things he said was that it was very humbling to speak about someone whom he only knew through their loved ones because it's an honor to be trusted with their feelings, which I thought was a lovely thing to say.  He seemed very kind.  It was my mother and my uncle (her brother) and my aunt (his wife), my brother and me, and our four cousins and my one cousin's wife (who counts as a cousin, I say).  My brother's friend who knew our granny for so long was also there.  Oh, and my aunt and uncle's dog but she had to stay in the car - no dogs allowed on the grounds.  (She yipped a few times which would've irritated my granny until someone said something about it at which point she would've wholly taken the dog's side.)  My brother read her favorite bible verse and said a few words and then we left some flowers on the gravesite and went to lunch as a family.

    I rode down with my aunt and uncle (and the dog - she's a very nice dog.  I don't know that any of you have known me long enough to know about my complicated relationship with their former dog who loved me but only in the most irritating of ways; this dog is so calm and sweet, though) and on the way back my aunt and I got my uncle to tell us some stories of his childhood.