I can't stop laughing omg😭😭😭😭😭😭


    Sound on


    They're brainstorming anti-spice legislation in the notes 💀


    They really are brainstorming away down there. However, I like this note, so I’ll share it. 


    Anyone even mentioning why you shouldn't do this, has likely stolen food before. There is not a single person alive in their right mind that would risk a food allergy was someone else's meal. Y'all are just trying to justify what you did in the past.”


    Wait, hold up. There are actually people out there saying you shouldn't put allergens in YOUR food (even if YOU are not allergic to them) because SOMEONE ELSE may have a reaction and DIE from eating YOUR food??? Without YOUR PERMISSION?!?! Am I getting this right!?!?


    as someone with food allergies, can confirm I have never and would never steal someone else's food and risk an allergic reaction. Half the time I won't even eat food made specifically for me if I can't confirm it doesn't contain said allergens. Spice away, friends. Defend your food.

    As someone who puts notes upon notes on MY tub of butter or mayo or whatever I keep in the fridge at work and STILL gets BREADCRUMBS in MY tubs from assholes putting a glutened up knife in MY CLEARLY MARKED 'GLUTEN FREE DONT USE ON REGULAR BREAD' jars, I support the ghost pepper lunches. Maybe I should spice up my mayo.


    Every person I have ever known with food allergies knows this stupid debate and has agreed on this front: we don't take other people's food. Ever. Even if it's a dish that doesn't normally have X, we can't be sure the prep area wasn't contaminated. Stop using us as the crutch of your argument to justify your theft.

    Enjoy your ghost peppered justice.


    What you need to understand about people who steal their coworkers' lunches is that they do it for a power trip, and that is why they deserve to get ghost peppered or worse.

    I always think back to a coworker from a previous job who had a similar experience at a prior job of his own.

    He had dietary restrictions that meant he had to make his own food. Someone kept stealing his lunch. He made his name label bigger. They kept doing it. Sometimes they'd just eat half of his lunch and put the other half back. Sometimes his name label was removed. It was 100% on purpose. He complained to HR/management. Memos went out. It kept happening. He changed where in the fridge he stored his lunch. It kept happening. This fuckface was determined.

    So he took matters indy his own hands. One day he made chili, portioned out some for lunch, and added most of a bottle of laxative.

    Sure enough, his lunch was stolen again that day. He just waited.

    About half an hour after he found his Tupperware bowl empty, the lady in the desk across from his, facing him, suddenly looked up with a D8> expression, leapt to her feet, threw her headset down, and sprinted for the ladies' room.

    Only she didn't make it there in time.

    She did not come back to work the next day. Or at all, in fact.

    Don't whine at me that what he did was in any conceivable way wrong. Office food pirates deserve to get got.


    Technically Laxative Guy did break the law. That’s considered a form of poisoning, which is why the ghost pepper idea is far better—nobody can prove you didn’t decide to try something new, and it is something fit for consumption.

    I still think Laxative Guy was right in seeking justice, I’m just saying if you find yourself in the unfortunate position of needing to do something like this, stick with the ghost pepper. (And remember to wear gloves while you cut it! Capsaicin will find paper cuts and hangnails your didn’t even know you had.)

    Also I’m just saying, I have dietary restrictions for religious reasons and I’ll often turn down even food that’s freely offered to me, never mind taking it from someone with no context. The idea that someone with food restrictions is going around stealing lunches is ridiculous.


    Also: you can substitute salt for sugar, sugar for salt. It was an honest mistake, but groceries are tight this month so you decided to tough it out and eat it right?


    Lunch Pirates were happening at my little brother’s office specifically the older type colleagues. I told my spouse and he was about halfway to ordering ipecac and capsaicin crystal to mix into mayonnaise and make an Evil Sandwich for lil bro to plant in the fridge. Because there were 40-50 year old dudes stealing lunches from broke-ass barely 20 year old kids. So these ghost pepper fellers? They’re being real nice when contrasted with my spouse who is an extremely petty trained chef.


    i think the real crime with the food allergy lunch pirate debate is that it distracts from the fucking CLASS on display here this man has POISE that kings and emperors would die to immitate


    That is a man that is hearing his coworker confess against their will and his probably making eye contact with them whenever he looks away.

    And yeah sometimes it’s cause people are poor and haven’t eaten all day and it’s tempting. I get that. The thing is though, anyone who genuinely needs to steal to eat wouldn’t make a pattern of taking the same person’s lunch. There’s no reason to target a specific person’s lunch other than the power trip.


    When I was working custodial, got hit with a bunch of bills, and could barely afford groceries, the people in the university writing center who were letting me use their breakroom had to try three times to convince me it was really ok for me to take the granola bars that were left there for the writing center people.

    If one person’s lunch is repeatedly being stolen I really have a hard time believing it’s because of someone who needed it.


    #surely its not considered poisoning if you put it in YOUR OWN FOOD

    legally speaking, in the us at least, the fact that you knew it would be stolen makes it intent to poison the thief


    Wasn't poison. My mom was having a colonoscopy and I said 'how bad can that liquid stuff be?'

    I lost the bet.