The Stars My Destination
Last update
2023-02-06 01:42:06

    hang on!

    y'all know those posts about rejecting "anti-aging" nonsense Does Not apply to sunscreen, right?

    like you know you need to wear sunscreen To Prevent CANCER, right?

    like you know that most of the bodies in med school cadaver lab are people who DIED of Skin CANCER, right?

    if you spend more than 10 to 20 minutes outside, you need to use sunscreen on all exposed skin, regardless of your natural skin color.

    don't let radfems kill you just bc they're anti beauty industry.


    Enjoy your decay without causing your demise


    word and worm


    Using cleanser is okay. We are living in a time period even the air is dirty. So many particles we are not supposed to interact with is in the air.

    Using moisturizer is also okay! Your skin sometimes need extra support to keep it hydrated.

    Using sunscreen? Its a MUST. We don't want skin cancer (⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠`⁠*⁠)

    Taking good care of your skin is not equal to anti-aging. This body will be with you until you die, it's okay to be gentle to it. Just like brushing your teeth, showering!


    I've been thinking about how, when you're little, you're surrounded by adults who adore you, who you're never going to remember.

    I don't mean like your parents and stuff, but like — I work in after school care, and I'm forever meeting five and six year olds who seem like the most incredible people on earth. Kids who painstakingly explain the rules of handball, kids who ask me to help them colour in, kids who feel really deeply wounded by a classmate's behaviour, just an endless stream of them.

    Or like my friends' kids who I've babysat once or twice. A kid who played with me in a creek, a kid whose mannerisms are etched in my mind. Cousins' babies who I held for a while. Even just stranger's babies in shops who stare at me the way babies do.

    One of my best friends has an online friend who's recently had a baby, and he tells me - someone who doesn't know the friend's name even - about that baby having their first bath. Because that's the kind of love and excitement that little children inspire.

    None of these children will remember me.

    I literally don't have a greater point here, it's just blowing my mind to think about how much love is directed towards people who can't remember any of us. They can maybe, I guess, if everything goes well, remember the feeling of safety that ought to go with that love.


    My cousin had a baby a while back and I visited her, recently, and she had a nap while I ended up holding the baby. This like, two month old baby. She can't even smile yet. I do not have a lot of experience with infants - my mum had to show me how to hold the baby, and she cried a fair bit until we found a system that worked.

    And then she slept in my arms, resting on my chest, for two or three hours.

    It was at least an hour before I even thought about doing something else. Holding a sleeping baby, it turns out, can be a completely absorbing activity, even if you have ADHD. (Baby also enjoys the inherent leg-bouncing that comes with the ADHD.)

    Now I can't stop thinking about how when that kid is five or six she's gonna run into me at Christmas lunch or some such event and - even if I see her on every holiday between now and then - I will basically be a stranger to her. But to me she will have the starring role in a memory I'm gonna treasure probably forever.

    I can't stop thinking about all the aunts and uncles and family friends and second cousins once removed that I was routinely introduced to at Christmas lunches or weddings or funerals, who would say "You're so tall! Has it been that long? You probably don't remember me haha."

    and how im gonna be saying the exact same thing very soon


    And then she slept in

    my arms, resting on my chest,

    for two or three hours.

    Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

    Realizing you can like people aesthetically without it dictating your sexuality is so liberating tbh. Like, one can adore, even be obsessed with, the looks of someone of the same sex and still be straight. One can find people beautiful, and handsome, and fascinating, and still be asexual. I can like the physical appearance of someone of the opposite sex and still be gay. Finding physical beauty in people doesn't equal to being physically, or sexually, or romantically attracted to them. Human beauty isn't inherently sexual. Just wanted to put it out there.


    Netflix wants to chop down your family tree


    Netflix has unveiled the details of its new anti-password-sharing policy, detailing a suite of complex gymnastics that customers will be expected to undergo if their living arrangements trigger Netflix’s automated enforcement mechanisms:


    If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:


    Keep reading


    Hang on a minute - how is this the first time I’ve heard about EME? A Web “standard” that is effectively gatekept by three massive corporations, who can deny or delay it more or less at will is so fundamentally opposed to the entire concept of a free and open web that it’s astonishing. What the fuck?!


    Just imagining all the seniors who migrate to warmer climes in winter having to handle changing what Netflix thinks is their home.

    Say bye-bye to the snowbirds, Netflix.


    We need a digital archive of LGBTQ+ works of art, science, and every other conceivable work we can share between each other because we are beyond the genocide warning level in most countries in the west and they're already trying to purge us from libraries.


    If other people are interested I'll make this a priority


    Speaking as someone with a background in archives, stuff like this does already exist. No need to reinvent the wheel. Creating an archive and making sure it's accessible and searchable and actually preserves things for the long time (especially digital things) is actually a huge undertaking. Show some love to these already existing collections and maybe even consider contributing. There's the Digital Transgender Archive off the top of my head. I know more I just have to think.


    The History Project, based in Boston, is an LGBTQ+ community archive that's existed for decades. Many of their collections are digitized.

    The Lesbian Herstory Archives, based in Brooklyn, is similar.

    The Digital Public Library of America covers a great many topics, but they also have LGBTQ+ stuff.

    I'd also recommend searching "lgbtq+" and "libguide" in your preferred search engine. Many universities list helpful resources and databases, some of which are freely accessible.

    Many public and academic libraries in the US and Canada (not sure where you're writing from) subscribe to the Gale Archives of Sexuality and Gender. If you have a library card or are a student at a given library, you can access it for free.

    In general, I'd really recommend searching around to see how you can support existing museums, community archives, college and university archives, etc that specialize in LGBTQ+ history and media local to you, whether that's in your same town or regionally.



    The Queer Newark Oral History Project (QNOHP) records interviews with LGBTQ Newarkers about their lives, makes their stories accessible to academic and community-based researchers, students, and artists; sponsors innovative programming that bridges the community and campus, spreads awareness of oral history methods, and commemorates the community's elders.


    I don't Think ive seen anyone on here talking abt some US states forcing teachers to remove all books from their classrooms and force them to only have pre-vetted books available or else face possible JAIL TIME ???


    Not to sound like a twitter user but why aren't people talking about this omg


    (link to this cnn article) ^

    Please note the third degree felony???

    (link to this tweet) ^

    Also lots of articles if you search "Florida book ban" or smth similar online. I'm just shocked I've not seen much about this, maybe people don't know it's happening??


    If you're not completely plugged in Ron DeSantis, the governor doing this, is the republican front runner for president next year.


    Virginia's Glenn Youngkin who has presidential ambition is also doing this and almost everything else DeSantis is doing such as attacking abortion and trans healthcare access but is somehow holding onto moderate street cred. Don't fall for it. He's as extremist as DeSantis or any other republican.


    DeSantis is attacking education in as many places in Florida as possible--he's forced colleges to detail what funds they spent on "diversity, equity and inclusion" and is pushing for a ban on diversity programs as of TODAY. He's taking over the most radical liberal arts college in Florida and filling the board with his own conservatives and trying to change them from diversity, equity and inclusion to "equality, merit, and colorblindness" and wants to prevent fucking gender ideology. IE it's the queerest campus in Florida and they all hate him. And he ousted the president who called it a hostile takeover and replaced her with a former Republican House speaker Richard Corcoran--who by the way, has supported every single other thing DeSantis has done in schools, like making it easier to DECERTIFY teachers' unions and trying to push private schools or public education spending.

    He's trying to control and indocrinate children in schools AND colleges, from the "Don't Say Gay" law that did the exact same thing as that stupid case with the baker who wouldn't bake a gay cake--the one that will let them get away with everything that comes.

    And yes, he's running for president.

    Don't let him win.


    what the fuck happened to the word artist. or entertainer. a content creator is what you'd call a bulbous worm disgorging bilious nutrient feed into a larval trough


    it's all about capitalist perspective taking hold in social spaces - framing our role using language like this reveals how they see us and our purpose


    It wrinkles my brain that Jupiter’s moon Europa has oceans that are sixty miles deep, while Earth’s oceans only reach seven miles deep at most. I’m willing to bet good money that there’s life in Europa’s oceans. Like five bucks. You hear me, NASA? I bet you five bucks that there’s life on Europa… Now that there’s money and reputation on the line, I bet they send a mission there real quick.


    I have no idea when this was originally posted, but NASA is working on their Europa mission RIGHT NOW to look for alien life! But get this, they theorize that because of the depth, gravity, and composition of the oceans, any organisms that lived there would be waaay bigger than aquatic life on Earth. So far everything’s going well with regards to their Europa mission so they should have a spacecraft on its way to look for giant sea monsters in space in only a few years. (The planned date is in the early 2020s.)


    Looks like my negotiations worked. You’re welcome, humanity.


    I’ve never been gripped with such cold terror and pure delight in my LIFE


    explaining to an 18th century sailor that we’re looking for sea monsters in space. 


    Please let there be sea monsters in space Please let there be sea monsters in space Please let there be sea monsters in space Please let there be sea monsters in space Please let there be sea monsters in space Please let there be sea monsters in space 


    Europa Report (2013)


    Ok minor detail but ...

    So I noticed in A:TLA, and it’s carried over in LoK, that Airbenders always seem to have an advantage in a fight. And at first, it felt like plot armour, particularly in A:TLA.

    But when Aang fought Bumi, he lost most of that advantage. And I realised that this wasn’t just plot armour. Someone had sat and worked it out: nobody has had to fight Airbenders for generations

    None of the other nations have had to train to face them, or practised sparring with them, or anything. Apart from Bumi, no bender in the show has ever even met an airbender before Aang comes along. And in LoK, for the most part people still haven’t. We never see fights between those who have (for e.g. we never see Tenzin and Lin fight); when Korra and Tenzin use airbending, its a unique fighting style that people aren’t trained to manage.

    It’s a really small detail, and it fundamentally works to give the heroes an advantage (and make up for Aang’s young age and lack of combat experience), but I love how it’s an advantage in combat for completely logical reasons.

    The detail in these shows is amazing.


    You can see the same principle in play whenever somebody fights somebody who uses a completely unfamiliar style. Combustion benders and lavabenders aren’t straight up more powerful, but they’re pretty much always something you haven’t dealt with which presents unique challenges. That red lotus lady with no arms is just a perfectly ordinary waterbender, but using forms and styles nobody else has seen before. Jet routinely smacks around benders and soldiers, but loses hard to the first person he met who had actually studied diverse styles of swordplay. When Toph invents metalbending, nobody can deal with that, but seventy years later the counters are pretty well known among people who might have to fight the cops.

    And it’s why Azula, a genius prodigy who has thought long and hard about how to counter every kind of magic and martial arts out there, keeps getting messed up by a kid with a boomerang.


    it’s also a detail from the second ever episode

    aang straight up says to the fire nation guards on zuko’s ship “you’ve probably never fought an airbender before”, because he in-universe figures out that, if what everyone around him is saying is true, and airbenders have been extinct for a century (or at least have gone to ground enough to make people think that) then he is a totally unknown figure in anyone’s calculations

    this has been brought up before but it’s also one of the reasons why hama is so thrown in her fight with katara - waterbending is about energy exchange, keeping things flowing, throwing your opponent’s power back at them and we see katara and hama do this in their fight. however, when katara is faced with a powerful blast from hama, she stands her ground and blows it apart:

    [image ID: a gif of katara in the puppetmaster. she is a teenage girl with dark skin and hair and blue eyes, wearing a red outfit. she turns and throws her hand out, stopping a blast of water and turning it into a huge shield. the background is a dark forest. end image ID]

    why do i bring this up?

    because it’s a move - and a mindset - influenced by earthbending, which hama has never faced (she went from the south pole, to prison, to the fire nation). it’s an indication not only of katara’s skill and power, but also how she’s learned from her travels, and from toph


    one of my favorite details of atla is how the main characters’ fighting styles adapt as they take on new enemies and make new friends with other bending styles. iroh straight up tells zuko about how he developed a technique for redirecting lightning by studying waterbenders, but if you watch closely especially in the last season, there’s a lot of this sort of thing happening unspoken with the gaang, using the bending forms of other elements like katara does above. it really shows the strength in differences and diversity coming up against a fascist regime that wants everyone to conform.


    Look at Korra metal bending here

    It’s completely different than anything we’ve seen from other metal benders, who bend metal with sharp movements like the derivative of earth bending that it is

    But Korra is fluid. She is bending metal like it’s water. Because she is a water bender. And she is the first person in history to be able to bend both metal and water and so she is able to combine these styles into one and move seamlessly between them. This shows so beautifully how the Avatar is the embodiment of all bending


    Every time I think this show has shown me all it can….it gives me more.


    The fight between Tenzin and the Red Lotus reinforces this. Zaheer is pretty skilled for someone who’s only been Airbending for a few months, and he has the advantage against a lot of people because there still aren’t really enough airbenders for people to know how to fight them. But against an Airbending MASTER like Tenzin? He only wins because he has backup


    I just wanna say that this mirrors something I got to watch in real life. I fenced as a teenager, with my wife, who continued fencing in college.

    But her college had fencing equipment but no team, so she started coaching them. But she fenced lefthanded. She ended up with a team of fencers who almost ALL learned to fence lefthanded.

    A small % of fencers are lefthanded, so even very good fencers are often NOT USED TO fencing lefties.

    So her dinky little team of mostly newbies came in and fucked severely with teams of much more experienced fencers who couldn’t cope with fencing leftie after leftie. Her one protégé who was also very tall just laid waste to nationally rated fencers.

    Whereas I, a very shitty fencer, can hold my own against my wife no problem, because I’ve fenced her from the start.

    This isn’t JUST a fun plot point and a lovely way of showing social influences and planning and creativity, it’s completely based in real life. Even a shitty fighter can be a problem for a good fighter whose never encountered their style before.


    while you were attending therapy i was studying the blade


    what do you mean i need better coping mechanisms


    >a wild therapist has entered the chat you need an additional coping mechanism studying the blade is a DBT principle called Building Mastery - wherein you engage in anything that is practical during which you gain skill and can actively see yourself progress - which is resilience building technique by which you shore yourself against vulnerability factors that make it harder to regulate emotions and manage activities of daily life and interpersonal interactions effectively. if you continue to study the blade while engaging in therapy, it will in fact make your therapeutic session more effective because having a skill that you pursue builds self-esteem and is a foundation upon which other coping skills can be built. so not better coping skills, blademaster, additional ones. you are already heading in the right direction and you have proven you have the tenacity to apply yourself to one discipline. now show us what you can do when applying yourself to your healing.


    Nothing I’ve read has changed me more than “you do people a favor by accepting their help” like I repeat this constantly to so many people because it’s true!!! People like to feel useful, they like to feel kind, they like to feel like they have an ability to impact people’s lives so just let them!! Not everything is a thing to be owed back — accept people’s kindness without making a competition out of it


    I figured out too late in life that refusing random help will more often make the person feel unwanted or not trusted : (


    This is true on the interpersonal level and on the community level. Your friendsgroup/family/house/affinity-group/street will thrive so much better when people accept each others help. When there is a regular back and forth of people helping each other and people accepting that help, you get a generous community where needing help is not stigmatized. Accepting help is an essential component of that. You literally can’t have a functioning community without it.


    People need to get over this phase of abandoning fandoms so fast. There are 70 year old women still into Spirk and you people can’t hold onto a man for a month. Shape up and stop abandoning your gently used blorbos in wet cardboard boxes on the side of the highway after a week


    As it happens, I’m a 70-year-old woman. One responsible for this.


    And I’m…well…  supportive of spirk, at the very least (or K/S, as we called it when dinosaurs walked the earth – and where do you think the now-blanket term “slash” came from…?). Partly because it’s really difficult to parse some parts of ST:TOS without getting a sense of a most unusual depth of relationship underlying the actions of two members of the core triad. It’s (as one of another pairing I’m fond of might say) “not much of a leap” to suspect something more.

    But also: I’ve been a fan of this character since I was sixteen. To this day my left eyebrow has more wrinkles above it than my right one because I taught myself to do The Eyebrow before I was old enough to vote. (I can not do The Eyebrow on the other side. No idea why.) I will never give this character up. He’s given me too much.

    In relationships (even with the fictional and immaterial), persistence counts. Hang onto your blorbos. You have no idea where they may yet take you… :)


    (PS: some other purportedly science-based views in that article are bullshit. For one thing, starships are properly built in space / at the top of a gravity well. Once their keels are flown above their home planet, there’s more than enough gravity nearby to do whatever trivial calibration’s needed. Those lads just wanted that shot with Jim on the motorcycle. [eyeroll] …I could have written them something better. But boys will be boys.)


    genuinely truly mean this, we are blessed that Diane Duane is on here, dropping wisdom, being lovely, and also gently, casually, flexing 


    My elderly father started talking about how frustrating he finds “the pronouns thing” and I was like. Oh no. He had such a good stand on this, he’s been they/them-ing his cishet siblings for god’s sake! Is he regressing?? And he was talking about how difficult it is to remember, and how onerous it feels to expect strangers to keep track of it, and I’m like oh no oh no.

    Then he says, “I mean, the problem isn’t the gender thing. The problem is four words: she, her, he, and him. We got rid of stewardess and turned it into flight attendant. It doesn’t matter if the flight attendant is a man or woman, so we got rid of it. We just need to get rid of those. I don’t need to know.”

    “You don’t need to know… people’s gender?”

    “No. I don’t care, I don’t need to know, and I don’t want to remember it.”

    So we can relax. It’s just a continuation of his crusade to they/them the world. He doesn’t want to remember anyone’s gender. He’s abolishing the genders.


    With this post taking off and knowing that my dad expressed his original frustration partly out of anxiety that his views were socially unacceptable, I sent him a selection of your tags on this post (with translations for the youthspeak)

    Subject line: the weird trans kids on tumblr think you’re great

    And ended with:

    love you guys <3


    they never get properly represented in opinion polls because answering the phone gives them anxiety

    im dying. i am deceased. i love it.


    Hey if you have memory issues - whether it's due to trauma, brain damage, being neuroatypical, or just generally having a brain that doesn't work like it should, I just want to let you know that it isn't inherently weird or creepy to write things down, or keep notes about people you care about.

    To someone who just remembers things because they are important, needing to write things down is for things that aren't that important. The kind of people who tell you "you would remember it if it was important to you" actually do function that way. To them, the idea that you would have to write down what your partner likes or doesn't like, or keeping a list of your friends' triggers, seems unsettling and creepy because they don't need to do that, they'll just remember such things. From their perspective, such notes would only be useful for people who aren't important enough to memorise, and making people believe that they are important enough to be remembered when they aren't would be manipulative and predatory.

    But a lot of people just don't function like that. If your memory is shot, it doesn't magically make exceptions on the Super Important Things just because you want it to. Remembering shit about someone just because I love them is just as far out of my reach as magically being able to sense their exact location purely through the power of love.

    It's still best not to tell people that you have notes of them, that'll freak them out, but don't feel bad about needing to write shit down. It's better to keep a list of wich ones of your friends have asthma or are allergic to bell peppers on your phones' notepad than accidentally endanger someone because ~you're just supposed to remember~ that kind of things.


    the way my memory works, if I don't write it down, it's gone in minutes. if I do, I might or might not need to revisit those notes, but having done so moves things into long-term memory


    Allistic people really need to stop phrasing requests as questions because it's fucking with me

    "Do you want to help me cook dinner?"

    No, I'm still overwhelmed from earlier and want to stay in my room.

    "well fine, dinner will be ready when it's done." And now they're upset with me

    And I'm just here like ???????


    Oh God I hate it when they frame it like that because it sounds like a choice, but if you say no they get all offended. It’s an illusion of choice and it’s so annoying.

    If I ever ask something, it’s an offer, not a demand. “Hey, wanna watch a movie with me? No? Okay, I’ll go watch it, you chill here and I hope you feel better.”


    I can't count the times I got in trouble because of that as a kid while never having any idea what exactly I did wrong.

    Those requests with only one correct response disguised as questions with multiple answers just made me think I couldn't actually say "no" to anything (because I had no idea which ones were the secret requests), something I still have trouble to this day.


    Also when they just make an observation but they expect you to know that they’re asking for something. Like “Oh the trash can is pretty full.” But they really mean “Could you take the trash out?” Just fuckign say what you mean 😒


    Here's the thing. They've literally been trained since childhood to do it this way, and probably do not realize that what they're saying can be interpreted another way. It's an Ask vs Guess problem. In particular, a lot of women are taught to phrase things is a Guess way. The way they were taught to speak, they are saying what they mean.

    If you want someone in your life to switch from Guess to Ask with you, then you need to have a discussion with them, Ask them to meet you somewhere in the middle on this, possibly explain the difference in cultures, definitely explain, "When you say $THING, it does not mean to me what it means to you", and then understand that it will take them time and work to change, and that you may need to be an active participant in that change. You can do this by remembering that things do not mean the same to them that they do to you, and, when they say, "Do you want to cook dinner with me?" replying with, "Are you asking me to do that, or are you asking me if I'd like it?"

    Yes, I understand that this will be hard for you also. You and this person in your life will both need to work on this, together, and be forgiving of one another.

    This is not something the other person is intentionally doing to you, or at you. They are speaking as they were taught to speak, that's all. It happens to conflict with your neurodivergence. That happens. It can be dealt with.


    “if you take medication for that, you’ll be taking medication all your life!!” yeah, and?? bud, i already put on my glasses every morning. it’s like. a condition of mine, not a side hobby i’m pursuing irresponsibly. 


    oh don’t worry im not *dependent* on drugs, i just happen to like it when my brain works every day


    Eat food now and you’ll be eating food your entire life.


    “Do not, my friends, become addicted to water. It will take hold of you, and you will resent its absence.”