Connor’s last intelligent thought was, “Fuck. This is the last intelligent thought I’m ever going to have.”

    His next thought was, “Fuck, these basketball shorts feel fucking awesome. Me and bros look killer. We’re awesome.”

    He wasn’t even aware of what an idiot he looked like, neither were the other two friends, who, just moments before, had been engaging in a spirited political debate with a stranger. Needless to say, they lost the debate… and the stranger laughed in their faces before getting up and striding away.


    You thought you could leave the frat, huhuhuh… Sigma Nu for life, bro. No gettin out. I can see we missed some of your smarts and they grew back. We’ll take care of that. Just stare at my bis, bro… watch me flex em… muscle, huh, yea bro. Fuckin pump. Therrrre goes the last bit of your smarts, bro. I saw it wink out in your eyes. Good feelin, huh? Yeah, I knew you’d come back.


    You: new profile pic, u like?

    Blake Edwards: Uh… sure.

    You: thanx bro

    Blake Edwards: So what’s up with you, lately? Haven’t seen you around a lot.

    You: lol yea i ben doin all this shit im been real busy bro u know?

    Blake Edwards: … right.

    Blake Edwards: You started going to the gym, to, like you said, “get healthy,” and we were all for it, but now it’s like you’re never around. I haven’t even seen you in class in forever.

    You: lol its all good bro

    You: the gym rules

    Blake Edwards: Right, okay. Well… I guess I’ll see you around?

    You: ur a nerd

    Blake Edwards: Huh?

    You: lol bye gotta go lift bro l8r

    Blake Edwards: …

    Blake Edwards: Uh, okay, seeya.


    Two dumbasses getting ready to go to work and push carts around the supermarket parking lot. Nevermind that last week they were honor roll students.

    It was probably that Nu weed they smoked, and continue to smoke (out of a homemade grav bong now) every day, twice a day. Anyone else would call it an overdose, but they just call it “real fuckin stoned, bro.”