badjokesbyjeff

    A man and a woman meet in heaven and fall in love.

    They walk up to God and ask to be married.

    God says give me some time and I’ll get back to you. Three or four years pass and God finally tells the man and woman that he can have them married.

    A few more years pass and the man and woman fall out of love. They approach God once more and this time they ask for a divorce.

    God responds “It took me four years to find a priest in this place. How long do you think it’ll take me to find a lawyer?!”

    h0tsinglegh0stsiny0urarea

    JEFF WE’VE TALKED ABOUT UR URL

    punkenglishnerd

    Unpopular opinion: Being intelligent isn’t an excuse for being unkind.

    satans-classics

    Pretentious asshole is OUT! Pretentious Sweetheart is IN! Wearing dapper clothes and holding the door open for others makes you feel COOL AS H*CK! Glance up from your hefty books to give a stranger a smile!! Quote literature to inspire others! Be presumptuous in the way that you presume that everyone needs their day to be a little brighter!!!

    representationthirst

    Administration showed us this tweet on day one of grad school and boy did it hit home

    when lizzo said "self love is survival" and when hannah gadsby said "do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? it’s not humility. it’s humiliation" and when mitski said "i used to rebel by destroying myself, but realized that’s awfully convenient to the world. for some of us our best revolt is self preservation"

    theothersimonjarrett

    why do people legitimately think jennifer’s body was a feminist masterpiece

    alienfishbabe

    megan fox actually had a mental breakdown after jennifer’s body because she was so hypersexualized in that movie and in the marketing for it, going as far as saying she didn’t want to leave the house because she couldn’t stand the idea of people even looking at her

    cyberdevon

    hi people think that it’s a feminist masterpiece because art is subjective but im here to link to the full interview where she talks with Diablo Cody (the film’s writer) about the film, including how she thinks it was an excellent film (“it’s my favorite thing I’ve ever done”) that she’s very proud of (“I don’t think anyone could have played the role as well as I did at that time”), how she was hurt by the paparazzi and specifically how what hurt about the movie was not the film (“it was the perfect project”), but the male-centered marketing of the woman-written, woman-directed, women-starring film about an oversexualized woman using said oversexualization to get revenge on her male tormentors. Please don’t blame women’s art about womanhood for how it was seen by men.

    https://youtu.be/u2JLRtWlq0o

    nakimushi16

    the marketing team was comprised of men who refused to cooperate with karyn kusama and diablo cody, refused to see and understand the movie’s themes and message, and insisted on a sexualized marketing strategy with men as the target audience despite the movie being made by women and for young girls. in response to an email from kusama and cody concerned about the marketing strategy, a member of the marketing team said just said “jennifer sexy, she steal your boyfriend”. understand that jennifer’s body is first and foremost a piece of women’s media, and then decide how you want to go about criticizing it.

    ice-block

    So animal misinformation is very common within society so I thought about making a list of a couple of things that you probably should know about animals:

  • Do not flip rabbits upside down (it can literally kill them)
  • While we’re talking about rabbits, do not bathe them in water
  • Rabbits can’t eat lots of carrots, they have too much sugar
  • 75% of their diet should be hay
  • that cage you bought for your hamster is most likely too small
  • Any tank or bowl under 5 gallons is way too small for anything unless you are keeping snails
  • Your aquatic animal needs a filter
  • Yes, your beta fish needs a heater (as do all tropical aquatic animals)
  • No, fish are not decorations
  • Goldfish and koi are pond animals, goldfish can live in some tanks but they need to be big
  • You can not just buy 2 fish that school (like guppies, neon tetras, etc)
  • Trust nothing that petsmart or petco tells you about fish they actually know nothing
  • When you purchase a reptile you need to be willing to take care of it for it’s entire lifespan (some of the common reptiles sold at the store can live up to 50 years)
  • Your reptile needs a heater
  • Live feeding rodents actually isn’t that good and can harm your snake (only do this if the snake refuses frozen)
  • DO NOT RELEASE REPTILES INTO THE WILD! ESPECIALLY IF YOU LIVE IN A WARM STATE LIKE FLORIDA!
  • your reptile needs a water dish
  • Your turtle cant live in a fish tank that just has a floating log for them to rest above water on
  • Most birds are social and should have companions
  • If they do not have a companion you need to make sure you spend enough time with them daily to make up for that
  • They can’t live off just seeds
  • You can’t cohabitate large and small birds
  • You should not put bedboxes or encourage nesting for tropical birds unless you plan on becoming a professional breeder and taking care of the babies yourself when the parents are incompetent
  • On the opposing side, domestic birds like pigeons and chickens need a nesting box because they will lay eggs reguarly (although these eggs will be unfertilized)
  • The chicken eggs you buy at the store are not unhatched baby chickens
  • Chickens legit don’t care if you take their eggs, they will eat the unfertilized eggs if left in the coop for too long, the eggs have a lot of nutrients that can help them, but do long as the chickens are getting a good diet they wont need to eat the eggs
  • Honeybees make way too much honey and taking it from them prevents them from swarming (something that most of the time ends in the death of the entire colony)
  • You know how your neighbor/farm down the road/etc has horses? Yeah it’s fun to pet them and all but do not feed them random stuff you bring, you don’t know if they have special diet regulations or what is/is not poisonous and sending a horse to the vet is very expensive if you want to feed them something ask the farmer beforehand
  • I shouldn’t have to say this but do not enter any cow/horse/large animal pasture without the owners permission
  • Cows aren’t as sweet as the media makes them out to be, never let your guard down around a cow
  • Pigs are not herbivores, they are omnivores, they eat meat and basically whatever else they can
  • The same applies to chickens
  • Do not release domestic or domestic raised animals into the wild. Ever
  • You shouldn’t declaw your cat (get those rubber claw covers instead!)
  • Also don’t let your cat be an “outdoor” cat
  • That doesn’t mean don’t let your cat go outside, but when they are outside it should be under supervision and on a leash
  • If you don’t want to leash train them, get a catio!
  • Your omnivorous or carnivor animals CANT BE VEGAN
  • Feel free to add more to this list!

    hollowedskin
  • if you get an animal that is not a cat or a dog, you won’t be able to tell on instinct what their body language means because it is so different from our own. 
  • Predatory animals and prey mammals have different ideas of what counts as a game and what is terrifying. Non social animals will also be different. Reptiles and fish have no facial expressions and rely entirely on body language to communicate distress. 
  • Look up videos on body language and look at breakdowns of how to tell when an animal is distressed and how to tell they’re calm and feel safe.
  • If you haven’t spent a lot of time around dogs or cats, look up them too! A lot of people misunderstand cat body language if they’re used to dogs! A lot of people let their dogs get away with nipping and growling or food aggression because they don’t know its not a game!