A man and a woman meet in heaven and fall in love.
They walk up to God and ask to be married.
God says give me some time and I’ll get back to you. Three or four years pass and God finally tells the man and woman that he can have them married.
A few more years pass and the man and woman fall out of love. They approach God once more and this time they ask for a divorce.
God responds “It took me four years to find a priest in this place. How long do you think it’ll take me to find a lawyer?!”
JEFF WE’VE TALKED ABOUT UR URL
Unpopular opinion: Being intelligent isn’t an excuse for being unkind.
Pretentious asshole is OUT! Pretentious Sweetheart is IN! Wearing dapper clothes and holding the door open for others makes you feel COOL AS H*CK! Glance up from your hefty books to give a stranger a smile!! Quote literature to inspire others! Be presumptuous in the way that you presume that everyone needs their day to be a little brighter!!!
Administration showed us this tweet on day one of grad school and boy did it hit home
Capricorn: look for something new and interesting in your life. Perhaps it’s a new person, their shadow moving without them. Maybe it’s the small, abandoned farmhouse you just recently noticed. Light seems to pour from the crevices in its old, warped wooden walls despite no one having entered it in years. Don’t mention this, or they’ll know.
Aquarius: be careful with what you say. The trees have ears and their old branches are angry. Step with caution: you don’t know what’s under the ground that might want you to join it.
Pisces: someone may attempt to take advantage of you soon. Their eyes seem too dark at night and too light in the day. They aren’t who you want to be around, but beggars can’t be choosers, and they will protect you when you most need it.
Aries: ask for help when you need it, but be wary of how you thank them. They might ask for a favor when you least expect it. Or want it.
Taurus: do not go into the woods with secrets on your tongue. The woods will extract them from your desperate lips and you will find yourself drawn further into their depths. You will not like what you find in their twilit groves.
Gemini: something has been living with you in your home. Leave out milk, but not cookies. They will want more than what you can give them, and they aren’t kind when they’re hungry.
Cancer: your home has been cold recently. The sound of a dripping faucet echoing through the rooms. You don’t have a leaky faucet. Shadows congregate in the corner of rooms like cobwebs. Light a candle in the room the faucet is loudest and pray that will keep it at bay.
Leo: take time for yourself. Take a bath or a long walk. Not too long though, and keep the sun above you. The path you have taken wants you to lose your way. Don’t let it keep you.
Virgo: though you might want to listen to music, putting your headphones in now will only make it easier for them to catch you unaware. Walk faster and don’t look behind you.
Libra: it’s a good day to avoid the woods. Every day is a good day to avoid the woods. You might stumble upon a perfectly preserved deer skeleton. It isn’t fire ants keeping other animals away.
Scorpio: something dark is watching you nearby. Ask for it’s guidance but take the opposite to be true. You won’t owe it then. And you certainly won’t regret it.
Sagittarius: your mind is home to your conscience, but when you sleep, you leave the doors open. Don’t forget to lock them when you wake up in the morning.