me before working out: i dont wanna do this
me while working out: I D O N T W A N N A D O T H I S
me after working out: WOW, i am simply phenomenal. every drop of blood running through my veins is graced with the ichor of the gods, i am an olympic athlete
the us government: ah i see you’re 100% disabled and cannot work under any conditions
the us government: looks like you just won a life sentence to sub-poverty, in fact if you so much as SAVE up to the poverty line we’ll take all the money you have forever.
the us government: because we’re eugenicists at heart. xoxo
the universe: okay, you’re a human. I gave you free will and a conscious mind, so you’re free to do whatever you want. So what do you wanna do?
human: GO FAST
the universe: well, you’re a perfect pursuit predator but if that’s the way you want to evolve, go ahead.
human, climbing on a horse: GO FAST
the universe: wait what
human, inventing the carriage, the car and the bullet train: GO FASTER
the universe: I IMPLORE YOU TO STOP
human, trying to figure out lightspeed travel: FAS T ER
THEORETICALLY MAXIMUM FAST
How will the people in the ship not get gibbed?
Because the warp drive doesn’t actually accelerate the ship, it just makes the space in front of it smaller and the space behind it larger. Or something.
it works like this
Objects cannot accelerate to the speed of light within normal spacetime; instead, the Alcubierre drive shifts space around an object so that the object would arrive at its destination faster than light would in normal space without breaking any physical laws.
A WRINKLE IN TIME IS COMING TRUE
We gonna be surfing gravity waves!!
COWABUNGA SPACE DUDES!
I love how mankind’s solution to ftl is just to bend to rules of reality a little.
Universe: ok human, with the physical laws as they are you can’t go faster than the speed of light.
Humanity: ok, let me just figure out how to manipulate space time so I can go FASTER!
That’s literally how the ship in Futurama works lol the professor says the ship doesn’t move at all, it moves all of space around it. Can’t believe Futurama was right
fun fact: there’s a real life math theorem (futurama theorem) created by one of the writers for the sole purpose of solving a plot in an episode
Indigenous people: We have been cultivating this land and eating animals sustainably and with respect for literal millenia
Non native vegans: Wow unfortunately I just cannot think of ANY possible way to make life sustainable or moral other than replacing the factory meat farm with the same colonial expansionist theory but with vegetables instead :/
Lady in store with pug: He's so cute! He's always snorting and grunting :)
What I said: Awww!
What I thought: He's grunting and snorting because he has chronic breathing problems as a result of being the extremely inbred abomination consequence of man playing God.
2008: wow I was so stupid last year
2009: wow I was so stupid last year
2010: wow I was so stupid last year
2011: wow I was so stupid last year
2012: wow I was so stupid last year
2013: wow I was so stupid last year
2014: wow I was so stupid last year
2015: wow I was so stupid last year
2016: wow I was so stupid last year
2017: wow I was so stupid last year
to be continued