@the-blue-phantom
I grew tall to fill the void
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Last update
2020-09-27 06:01:56
    glitchedwitch

    Listen, I know we try to keep it nice on this show, we try not to be mean… this is maybe the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.

    prettyjuno

    TRANSCRIPT

    JUSTIN, READING A QUESTION: I was getting my Munch Squad on at McDonald’s breakfast after work. When I sat down for my feast, a guy walked in the door, looked at me, and said, “Idiot can’t even make his own pancakes. How pathetic.”

    JUSTIN STARTS LAUGHING

    GRIFFIN, SERIOUS: Don’t laugh at that! 

    JUSTIN LAUGHING

    GRIFFIN: I mean, it’s - it’s a -

    JUSTIN, STILL LAUGHING: Let me finish!

    GRIFFIN: It’s a power play.

    JUSTIN TRIES TO SPEAK BUT HE’S INCOHERENT.

    JUSTIN, THROUGH HYSTERICS: He saw someone just eating breakfast at McDonald’s, and then - he sat down to eat, a guy walked in the door, looked at them, and said “idiot can’t make his own pancakes, how pathetic” and then WALKED BACK OUT! What is -?! What?!

    SOMEBODY CLAPPING, TRAVIS AND GRIFFIN CRACKING UP IN THE BACKGROUND

    JUSTIN, STILL THROUGH LAUGHTER: What is this - what is this fucking mysterious assassin? Um. “I tried to enjoy my meal, but all I could taste were dejection and tears. How can I track this guy down, explain how restaurants work, and project the image of a man who definitely understands the process of making pancakes to every stranger I encounter?” And that’s from Hobbs. 

    JUSTIN DEVOLVES INTO MORE WORDLESS LAUGHTER

    GRIFFIN: Here’s the thing. This thing this person did was… wrong, but also I think very funny maybe also?

    JUSTIN TRIES TO INTERJECT.

    GRIFFIN: Because, I mean, the alternative is that you walk into a Pizza Hut and you’re like, “All these fucking idiots don’t know how to make their own pizza. Bye!”

    JUSTIN, LAUGHING: It’s very funny!

    HE RECOVERS, THEN SAYS:

    JUSTIN: I think a nicer - there’s a nicer way of doing this. Here’s the nicer, amazing way of doing this: walk into McDonald’s, see someone eating a stack of pancakes, hand them a recipe for pancakes, and then walk out the door.

    GRIFFIN: Now doing - that’s a sweet way of doing - you’re right Justin, this is the MBMBaM way of doing this. 

    JUSTIN: That’s the nice way to do it.

    GRIFFIN: You walk in and you hand them a recipe for pancakes, and you say -

    JUSTIN: So hilarious.

    GRIFFIN: - And you say, “For next time”. 

    JUSTIN: “For next time, try this! Go for it.”

    GRIFFIN: “And it’s fun!”

    JUSTIN: “Hey, it’s fun.”

    TRAVIS: I wanna be -

    JUSTIN: “And if you do it wrong, they’re crepes.”

    GRIFFIN: “It’s fine.”

    TRAVIS: I wanna be in the head of the person who’s walking by McDonald’s, sees someone eating a stack of flapjacks, and is like, “I gotta go in there and say something”. 

    JUSTIN: “I gotta get ‘em. I gotta get ‘em.”

    GRIFFIN: Fucking double parts.

    TRAVIS: Just both of them, a lot of McDonald’s, rolls out -

    JUSTIN, LOWERING HIS VOICE: “Hey, Victoria, just go around the block. I’m just gonna be a sec.”

    [CROSSTALK]

    TRAVIS: No, you don’t understand, you don’t get it, you don’t get it - I’m not getting anything in there.

    JUSTIN: I think they went in wanting to buy something, and then they just had a -

    [CROSSTALK]

    JUSTIN: “They have pancakes here?! You can do this at home!” Listen, I know we try to keep it nice on this show, we try not to be mean… this is maybe the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. 

    JUSTIN STARTS LAUGHING AGAIN

    GRIFFIN: It’s the best.

    JUSTIN: I’m trying so hard not to be entertained by this. 

    GRIFFIN: It’s not funny that you got bullied, and it’s not funny that this person’s an ass - what’s funny is the idea of walking into a restaurant, just already pre-angry that people here are eating things that they can just as easily make at home. 

    TRAVIS AND JUSTIN LAUGHING

    TRAVIS, HIGH PITCHED: It’s just so good!

    JUSTIN: It’s so good, though! [THROUGH TEARS] Oh, man. 

    GRIFFIN: Do they walk into auto-body shops like “change your own oil! Idiots!”

    TRAVIS: “Idiot doesn’t even know how to do a triple bypass!”

    GRIFFIN: Oh, dumb.

    JUSTIN SNIFFLING.

    JUSTIN: Wow. It’s just very mean, but very funny.

    TRAVIS: I mean, it’s real-life trolling. That’s exactly what it is. 

    GRIFFIN: Yeah.

    JUSTIN: Yeah!

    GRIFFIN: Well, then I’m not - and now you’ve ruined it. Now I’m not for it anymore.

    TRAVIS: Oh, no.

    sockablock

    Justin’s (at the time) 2-year-old daughter decides to fight the moon

    ruffboijuliaburnsides

    thoughts:

    1) when she said “look! up on the bookshelf!” that was the clearest I’ve ever heard a 2yo speak in my damn life

    2) “that was a great podcast we did” was fucking precious

    3) that last little “we’re gonna punch the moooon!” somehow proves that even at 2, charlie mcelroy already had the mcelroy cadance, and i cannot handle it.