The Oh Hellos, releasing Soldier Poet King: This is a song about Jesus. It's a metaphor for the second coming of the Christ
Every repressed nerd on this website: This is a song about my dnd party. It's a metaphor for gay.
archie comics drama: oh no! archie signed up for a beach dance contest with veronica on the same day he said he’d help betty with a shoe drive for kids! but mr. lodge says if he doesn’t do the dance contest he can’t have a summer job and archie needs that money to pay reggie back!
riverdale drama: betty can no longer ignore the urge to kill. mr. lodge seduced and drugged archie so he could plant his unconscious body at the scene of a mob hit. jughead killed reggie with his car. veronica became a madam by accident.
so what’s cool is that this post is from last july and since then three out of four of these joke sentences have literally happened on the show
w which ones
Build-a-Bear Employee: please,,, I can’t fit any more stuffing into this pikachu
Me: You fool….. Make Him Fatter
i worked at build-a-bear in downtown disney and one time a guest came with a grinch and had me force 6 custom sounds into him which was just him breathing really hard and saying “MERRY CHRISTMAS” into each one
the thing is, he had me stuff them into the arms, which were stick-thin
so the seams were coming up and i was having to repair his now lumpy grinchy arms
this took like 45 minutes and all the while the kid was legit trying to remove my kneecaps, his mom was even telling me that she warned someone this would happen and they sent her straight to me ROFLMAO
after he was stuffed to the brim and i could hear the soul of the plush screaming at me for what would be the next eternity the kid dressed him up like batman
but his mom was like “NO HE HAS TO BE CHRISTMAS” so he put a santa hat on him and also a little plush gingerbread that smelled like actual gingerbread and it ended up looking like this
i clocked out an hour and a half late it was like 1 am
Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*
My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.
The spiritual successor to Miette
Might I also add
May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit
Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children
Cackling maniacally now
I wonder if multilingual dnd characters work like multilingual people irl
Character 1: hey can you pass me the (demonic screeching)
Character 2: (visibly disturbed)
Character 1: (takes mundane object out of character 2s hands) sorry I forgot the word for it in common...
This made me laugh really hard. It deserved a comic. 😆
dungeons and dragons
expectations: lord of the rings, elder scrolls, game of thrones, etc
reality: It’s Always Sunny in The Forgotten Realms
The Gang Fucks Up The DM’s Carefully Plotted Tale Of Political Intrigue
Okay but my group has an It’s Always Sunny title card generator in our discord chat that we occasionally modify based off the current events of our game
the most recent creation
captain hook: arrrg i miss vine. twas me fav’rit app
smee: but capn! there’s a new app! its not exactly the same but it’s very similar!
captain hook: what’s it called?
Guy at the store where I’m picking up my custom bedsheets: why did you order sheets with a picture of a guy in a hood printed on them?
Me, taking a picture of the sheets and saving it as a_bed_of_nales.jpg before leaving the store: please don’t ask
The cosmere fandom is a serious place for theories